Supernova
by Sourcherry01
Summary: All it takes is that first glance… but, when has love ever been that easy? The fight is half the fun. Jacob/oc
1. I ain't lost, just wandering

A/N: No Jacob in this chapter - but i promise he will be in the next. Just as a little warning, Leah is going to be a main feature of this fic because i think both she and Jake have some growing to do and they are my favourites. The rating is mainly for language.

**Supernova**

Chapter 1: "_I Ain't Lost, Just Wandering._" – Adele, Hometown Glory.

Dawn was breaking when I stumbled back into my new bedroom with a glass of water in one hand, the silver scissors still hanging loosely from the other. I collapsed on the crumpled bed, letting warm sunlight cover me. I closed my eyes and sighed, a new day, a new beginning.

* * *

I knew they would kick me out, it was a given, I didn't need to over hear her phone call to know that. I would have left anyway, eventually, no point staying where you're not wanted. I was already packing when my mother came into my room, the phone still clutched in her bony fingers, like a life raft.

My eyes were fuzzing with hidden tears at the sight of her resolute face. How long had it been since she held me? Since she smiled at me, because of me? At that moment, with her mouth pulled tight, her eyes cold, shut off from me, it was over for us.

"I was on the phone to my sister. She has agreed to take you in while David and I… while we try to find a way to… this is too much for us, we have George and your sisters to think about…" She broke off, her voice had trembled but her face remained firm. "You are to pack your bags for at the very least the summer, the flight to Seattle leaves from Heathrow at 6:30pm tomorrow, David will drive you. Then you will get a plane to Port Angeles and be picked up from the airport. Please don't argue about this, Alexandra." I just stared at her as she turned and walked away from me.

* * *

The second flight was ok; it was better than the first flight, which was better than the horrific car journey. Never in the history of the world has there been a silence as heavy as the one my stepfather and I shared. I thought he wouldn't even say goodbye, but just as I was walking away he called out: "Take care of yourself!" then hopped back into the vehicle and reversed out of the terminal car park like the hounds of hell were snapping at his heals.

I had been to my Aunt's once before, when I was 10 for a week's holiday. She had a house in this little town - Forks. Who in their right mind names their town after cutlery? It was surrounded by lush forest and you could take a small trip out to the coast, a Native American reservation called La Push, it was all really very pretty. Of course all those things depended on the weather, and the weather was either overcast or rainy, on the odd occasion it became overcast with bright spells, which made a nice change.

It was typical of my life, and luck, that my Aunt lived in the part of America where it rained even more than back home. No sunny Californian beaches for me, no warm Georgia peach orchards, or stylish New York sidewalks, no I get stuck in Forks, Washington where they've heard rumours about a sun but no ones yet seen it.

* * *

Time was a strange allusion to me these days; but the wall clock assured me it was now 7:20am, I knew in 10 minutes Diana would knock politely on the door, open it and merely poke her head into the room to say: "Time to get up Alexandra."

Diana's life ran steadily like clockwork, down to the second, which really threw the muddle of hours and minutes that was mine into sharp relief. She woke up at 7:30 every morning, showered for 10 minutes precisely, dressed in 20, blow dried her hair in 5, and ate breakfast while reading the paper in 15. I had timed it all out of sheer boredom on my third day here.

The house was smaller than back home, two bedrooms, one bathroom, a kitchen, a living room, and a hallway. It made sense, there was only Diana living here so anymore would be greedy. The garden was small and surrounded by a wooden fence, the grass was neat, and the paved patio was bordered by sectioned off blue, and white carnations. Behind the inoffensive fence was the looming forest, some of its trees were so close that their branches crept over like grasping hands – Diana was going to get Mr Newton to come and cut them back for her next week (she had made note of it on the fridge).

None of these observations bothered me like I thought they would. What really clawed at me, driving me slowly insane was the silence. Diana married once in a fleeting moment of uncharacteristic spontaneity years before I was born, it ended within a year and neither she nor my mother spoke about it. I asked once when I was younger and got a clipped ear for my troubles so I never bothered again – and it never bothered me – until now.

Maybe it was because I was so used to the constant inane babble and occasional headache inducing screams of my younger siblings that made this place seem so empty. On my second day here I put the kitchen radio on for some background noise, but Diana flicked it off without a word as soon as she entered and there was something so final about the way she did it that I was a little scared to try again.

7:30 came and… tap… tap…

"Time to get up Alexandra," Diana said her head popping round the door. Her eyes glanced about the room as if expecting the walls to be smeared in paint or the bed sheets ripped or some random guy hiding in the closet. Seeing all was in its place she withdrew without a spare glance for me.

I wondered as I rolled myself off the bed and heard the shower switch on down the hallway, how exactly my mother had managed to trick her sister into taking me in for the summer. That was something I would probably never know the answer to, probably wouldn't want to know the answer to.

10 minutes later I padded into the kitchen where Diana was sat at the rectangle table with a bowl of oatmeal, a mug of coffee, and the newspaper open before her. I searched the cupboards, pulling out cereal, tea bags, a bowl, a spoon, milk, and sugar. With my breakfast assembled I took a seat opposite her, silently shovelling food into my mouth. Accidentally I slurped a little loudly on my cup of tea and Diana's neat head shot up, her eyes lighting on me reproachfully. A second later they bugged out, her spoon falling with a clatter into her bowl, milk slopped over the sides and splattered the tabletop.

"Alexandra!" She gasped, her voice raising at least four octaves. "What did you do to your hair?"

I shrugged, lifting a hand to tug carelessly at the cropped ends. "I wanted a change."

This seemed to flummox her and I watched with a tinge of amusement as her brain tried desperately to process my comment. "You… you just wanted a change?"

I knew that it was beyond Diana's comprehension but she seemed to want to understand, so I took a small amount of pity on her. "Yeh, when it was long it was just too much of a bother. Do you like it?"

"I… well, its uh… very sweet. It needs cutting properly though, I'll take you to Susan's today at lunch." Then she seemed to realise that meant I would spend a whole morning in the library amongst her friends with my new hair, so she changed her mind. "Actually, you had better pop down there this morning before she gets too busy."

"Ok." I said digging into my cereal again.

Silence.

For the duration of my stay in Forks, which was still not definite – though I presumed I would be home before term started – Diana had managed to wrangle me a job with her in the public library. Needless to say I was hardly thrilled at the prospect of a summer stacking books with three menopausal women. Not to mention the delightful locals who in a continuous stream popped in for a chat from opening to closing – _Every. Single. Day._ How such a small place could possibly produce enough gossip to fuel their daily needs I had no idea. What I did know was that the majority of the gossip was surrounding the two weddings. The first wedding was only mentioned a few times as it was happening down on the reservation, very few of the townsfolk had actually been invited but flowers and decorations were being brought for it in town so it had become inadvertently their business. The couple were very much in love and it had been on the books for some time.

The second wedding was of far more gossip worthy material. Police chief Charlie Swan's daughter – Isabella – who at just 18 was all set to be wed to Doctor Cullen's youngest adopted son – Edward. They met two years ago when Isabella moved to her fathers from Phoenix; they were practically inseparable until Edward did a runner shortly after her 18th birthday last year. Apparently the entire family up and moved to L.A. when Doctor Cullen was offered a job (at the very mention of Doctor Carlisle Cullen all three of the hormonal women began sighing and clutching their chests like a Jane Austen novel) it was all very sudden. Poor Isabella couldn't take it and fell into severe depression, causing much angst to her helpless father.

Eventually (and this was all hush hush because Jenny's husband worked with Charlie at the station) Isabella started spending a lot of time with one of the Quileute boys down in La Push and everyone thought she was on the road to recovery. Next thing anyone knows the Cullen family has returned and Edward and Isabella are as inseparable as before, much to the displeasure of Charlie who was apparently hoping Isabella and the La Push boy were going to get together. However, the engagement that followed only a few months later dispelled all her father and the boy's hopes. All in all it was a sickeningly romantic scandal that had the locals in uproar and had me gagging into the boxes of shelving every time someone 'oohed' and 'aahhed'.

"_How could Charlie agree to it? She's 18!"_

"_I'll bet it was that mother of her's."_

"_What about Doctor Cullen! I thought he and his wife had more sense than that."_

"_That is what happens when you let your children go running about the place."_

"_You just had to look at her – it's always the quiet ones."_

"_Well what I want to know is where her mother is now? Never was one to stick around when the road got a bit bumpy!"_

I tuned the majority of their babbling out while I got on with stacking and unpacking books, but that still didn't mean that I wasn't now an expert in all gossip Isabella Swan shaped. Who was this girl? I had asked Diana once when Jenny and Enid had popped out for more biscuits. She told me that: "You shouldn't be eves dropping, Alexandra, as it really doesn't concern you." While that was perfectly true I had to wonder where exactly it concerned _them_.

"Alexandra?" Diana pulled me from my thoughts. Our walk to work had come to an abrupt stop. I blinked looking about the empty sidewalk. "We're here. Susan is expecting you."

"Oh, right." I peered at the hairdressers, my hand immediately reached up to twist a lock of hair apprehensively only to find it was five inches higher than expected.

Diana placed some green notes of paper in my hand. I had no idea how much it was as all the notes were confusingly the same colour, but I guessed it was probably the exact amount needed. "When you're done do you think you can find your way to the library on your own?"

I stared at her, raising an eyebrow. I was 16 not 4. "Yeh, I think I can manage that."

"Well if you're unsure ask Susan and she'll point you in the right direction. See you in a bit." With that she marched purposefully away down the street her creaseless skirt swishing, her demure heals clacking into the distance.

"You must be Alexandra, Diana's niece." A petite woman with cropped red hair greeted me. "My goodness, what happened here?" she continued, surveying my hair with a look of pain. "Oh, and such a lovely colour! Is it natural?"

The place was empty except for an old woman in one corner quietly reading a magazine, her head under one of those dryers that reminded me of some sort of space ship or alien communication system. "Uh, yeh," I muttered as she ushered me into a seat next to a basin. I had no idea what Susan was on about; my hair was just blonde, plain and simple. Not white blonde, ash blonde, platinum or honey – just blonde, roughly the same colour as straw.

"I went this shade once." She told me, running her hands through my hack job. "Summer of 1979. Looked awful, I don't have your skin tone. Which part of Britain are you from?"

_England._ I thought with irritation as she tipped me back so my head was in the sink and began warming the water up for me. She wouldn't ask someone from Scotland what part of Britain he or she was from. But I knew what she really meant and my hair looked bad enough as it was so I answered: "A town in Norfolk."

"Mmmhmm," she murmured, clearly with no idea where in England I was talking about. "Is that near London?"

"Not really."

"Oh. And how long are you staying with Diana for?"

I had no idea. "The summer."

"Have you visited Forks before? Is this too hot?" She asked wetting my hair.

"No that's fine. I came once when I was little."

"Well, I must tell you all the places a girl your age should visit!" and she proceeded to review every one of the shops in the area, before she moved swiftly on to the mall in Port Angeles, then she gave the forest and beaches brief descriptions.

"First beach is where the Quileute kids go, beautiful at sunset, or so I hear." By this time we had moved from the sinks to a long row of swivel chairs in front of large mirrors that I avoided looking into while she chopped merrily away at my hair. The door opened behind me and I heard a small part of what appeared to have been an argument.

"Sam didn't say why he's back," a girls voice said softly, apparently trying to calm the other, "I honestly know as much as you. I'm sure everything will come clear at the meeting tonight. Just be happy that he's back in one piece."

The other girl snorted, obviously unsatisfied with that suggestion. "Well I think we should have been told everything. You know what kind of state he left in. If he's going to do something stupid at the wedding and we have to save his neck I think I have a right to know."

"Leah, please?" I looked up into the mirror to see two beautiful girls standing in the frame of the door. They looked like they could be sisters; one had long black hair, the other's was cropped at chin level, their dark strands shone in the overhead lights, and their smooth copper skin seemed to have never even heard of the term blemish. The main difference between them was the expressions on their exquisite faces. One had a sweetly patient look, while the other had scrunched her features into an expression I instantly recognised as that of bitter anger with an undercurrent of grief.

"Emily!" Susan cried out with joy. The sweetly patient girl turned to Susan with a smile. I almost gasped in shock, staring at her until I caught the cold glare of the other girl in the reflection of the mirror. I narrowed my eyes at her, but looked away. Where Emily's smile should have stretched all the way across her face, lifting up to the corners of her eyes prettily, on one side there were three horrendous scars that ran down to her neck preventing the grin from reaching the right side and morphing her expression into a grimace. Who, or more to the point – what – on earth caused them?

"Susan, how are you today?" she said politely.

"Oh, I'm wonderful, sweetheart. Is it just the two of you? I thought you said there would be three bridesmaids?" Susan placed her scissors on the ledge in front of me, directing her full attention to the girls behind.

"Yes there are three. Kim is just taking Claire to get some sweets so she'll sit still enough. They'll be here in a minute."

Susan nodded. "Lovely. Well, I'll just finish up," she motioned to me, "we had a bit of an emergency." She grabbed a hair dryer. "Do you have some ideas of what you want? There are some magazines over there on the table if you want to have a flick through."

"Thank you." I heard Emily reply just as the hairdryer roared into life, drowning out any further conversation.

It didn't take long for my new loose bob to dry but I spent most of the time watching the two girls sat over by the windows – apparently Leah wasn't finished with their earlier discussion and was looking quite furious. Emily, however, was thumbing through the magazines and every so often she would point out a picture to Leah, who would turn her nose up and shake her head before she carried on with whatever point she was making.

"There you go," Susan said, switching off the dryer and producing a hand mirror for me to see the back. Leah and Emily stopped their conversation, their dark eyes regarding me along with the old woman in the corner who I think Susan had forgotten about.

Frankly I couldn't care less what she had done to my hair, but I had to admit that it looked pretty good. I was surprised. "Thanks," I said a genuine smile creeping across my face.

"Oh that's so pretty," I heard Emily call out to Susan.

I rummaged in my jeans for the money Diana gave me, I handed the crumpled notes to Susan, but she had moved over to the girls and appeared to be discussing in-depth the cut she had just done. I stood, throwing my satchel strap over my head and wandered across to them.

Leah was watching me with her cool eyes, a small smirk playing with the corners of her lips. Never before had I let another girl intimidate me and I wasn't about to start now, so I raised my blue eyes to meet her gaze and gave her a humourless smile.

"Here you go, Susan," I said turning away from Leah, holding out the money to her.

"Oh, thank you darling." She pocketed it. "Wait," she said, just as I turned to leave, placing a hand on my arm. "Emily, this is Alexandra. She's staying here with her Aunt for the summer, she's British, and I was telling her about the beaches down at La Push."

Emily smiled up warmly at me. "Hi."

"Hi," I replied ignoring the look of amusement Leah was sending me and wishing that I could just get out of this place that smelt saccharinely of coconut and alovera.

"You know, you should come down sometime, we're always having barbeques on the beach," Emily offered, "there's one tonight, actually."

"I don't think that's a good idea," Leah butted in bluntly.

Susan looked shocked, but I just shook my head. "I'm busy tonight. But thanks." Busy? If you could call sitting at my laptop emailing my friends back home busy.

"Well, if you change your mind we're down on first beach. Just bring food and you'll be welcome." Emily said kindly ignoring the pointed stares Leah was throwing her way.

I thanked Susan again and was just about to exit when a short dark haired girl bundled through the doorway, narrowly missing my legs. In her hands a large bag of candy was clasped, and a huge grin covered her face. She must have only been two but she wobbled her way over to Emily with absolute determination. "Look, Emmy!" she said waving the bag under Emily's nose.

"Oh wow Claire, what have you got in there?"

"Lots and lots of e numbers," said another girl coming in through the door with a harassed expression. She was not as stunning as Leah and Emily but she was pretty none the less and had the same beautiful hair, though hers was shoulder length.

I watched her greet Susan and slip into the spare seat beside Leah with a sigh. "Her mom is going to kill us tonight," she said as Claire shoved a greedy hand into the bag.

"After Quil's finished," Leah added with an odd smile.

Outside, I leaned against the section of wall that separated the hairdressers from the antique shop next to it and pulled out a cigarette. I wasn't a heavy smoker, really I only did it when I was drinking, or to piss my mum off, but the thought of being shut in that library for the next 5 hours was enough to make me push my head through a brick wall. So I lit one of my duty free bargains and took a deep drag, feeling the nicotine flow through me like a calming wave.

The girls in the hairdressers weren't the first people my age I'd met, or at least seen. I had been eyed up by a baby faced boy outside the hikers shop, and some Barbie blond girl had given me the evil eye in the supermarket, but these were the first to actually speak to me. I don't know what I had been expecting, but all I know is that it definitely wasn't what I had got. I wasn't after friends – I already had enough of those back home. Besides I was only here for the summer, and that was only because my mother couldn't handle me anymore, not because I wanted to be here. If I'd _wanted_ to come to America I sure as hell wouldn't be standing in Forks, Washington.

"Smoking kills," someone said beside me.

I looked up to see the dark eyes of Leah; they were like black chocolate – bitter sweet. "I'm counting on it." What did she want?

"Got a spare?"

I raised an eyebrow at her, silently questioning her motives. She shrugged, leaning next to me, scanning the quiet street with distaste. I pulled out my pack and offered it to her. "Here."

"Thanks," she said lifting one out and taking my lighter. Placing the lit cigarette to her mouth she closed her eyes. "Argh, I don't think I can take anymore!" she growled opening them again to fix on the middle distance.

Still bemused I decided to play along. "What can't you take?"

"The fucking wedding."

"Oh." Was all I could manage to come up with.

"I'm going to be a bridesmaid." She wrinkled up her little nose. "No, not just a bridesmaid, her maid of honour!"

"Whose?"

"Emily's," Leah said it as if this much was obvious, "she's getting married in august."

Honestly I couldn't really see the problem. So she'd have to wear a hideous dress, say a few cheesy words, and dance the odd dance, not a big issue – I'd done it. "Don't you get on?"

This made Leah think, she chewed on the inside of her mouth, shooting me a searching look. "We used to, she's my cousin. We were practically sisters."

"So what's the big deal?" I asked, a little irritated with this strange girl.

"Sam." Was all she said, clearly ignoring my tone.

"Sam?" I repeated a little testily. "Is that a boy Sam, or a girl Sam?"

"Boy. Man. Fiancé."

Ah ha. "So you're in love with her fiancé?"

Leah's head whipped round to me and she pushed off the wall. I jumped slightly thinking that she was going to hit me, she was taller than me – I wasn't small at 5'10 – and looked athletically built, so I had little doubt she could take me. "He was mine first," she bit out fiercely.

This was too much for me. I had no idea why she had felt the sudden need to unload all of her angst on me but I couldn't give a fuck, it had nothing to do with me. I dropped my half finished cigarette on the pavement and stepped on it. "Hey, that's not my fault. So the guy chose her over you, that's seriously shit but get over it, or don't go to the wedding. No man is ever worth loosing a friend over."

With that I turned away. It was the one rule I never broke: friends are more important than men. My Granny taught me that and it had been proven true many times over the years.

"Hey, you!" Leah called out after me. I stopped, spinning around ready to face her fury; but there was not an ounce of fury in her expression. "The barbeque starts at 8," she said simply.

"Huh?" I puzzled at the sudden change in her demeanour.

"8 o'clock, first beach, La Push."

"I told you I…"

She brushed my protests aside with a wave of her hand. "Please, I know an excuse when I hear one. Do you have a ride?"

I frowned at her. "Are you schizo or something?"

She laughed, at first I thought she was chocking because it came out all twisted and sharp like she hadn't used it in a long time, then I realised that her eyes had creased in amusement, not pain. I waited until she finished. "No," she said still chuckling, "I'm not schizophrenic. I like you, Alexandra, and I don't like many people. So, have you got a ride?"

"It's Alex, and no I don't have a ride." A beach party sounded a damn site more interesting than staying at the house watching Diana ironing her blouses. Emily was relatively normal so I wasn't too concerned about my safety – not that my safety had ever been a high priority of mine.

"Where do you live? I'll pick you up around 8ish."

"Leah are you out here? It's your turn!" We heard Emily call out the hairdresser's door.

I quickly gave her Diana's address, which she assured me she would remember, and with a roll of her eyes she turned away and strolled into Susan's. Mulling over the bizarreness of this town I made my way to the public library where I knew Diana would be waiting to quiz me about why I had taken so long.


	2. The stars were crashing 'round

A/N: I forgot to put a disclaimer last time so this applies to both. I don't own any characters you recognise - they're Stephanie's, and i don't own the songs either. I don't own anything really. Enjoy!

**Supernova**

Chapter 2: "_And All The Stars Were Crashing 'Round, As I Laid Eyes On What I'd Found._" – The Decemberists, Crane Wife 1 & 2.

Leah picked me up at ten past 8 that evening with two short sharp beeps of her horn. I zipped up my denim skirt as I descended the stairs, tugging a belt through the worn loops, my flip-flops snapping a little loudly when I reached the bottom. Diana watched me wearily from behind her pile of un-ironed clothes in the living room as I passed by, a bumper bag of hotdogs swinging from my hand.

"Be careful, Alexandra." She warned. We had already arranged a curfew of 11 o'clock, along with a no drinking, no smoking, no drug taking promise from me that I had only the vaguest of intentions in keeping. Of course I knew she wasn't happy about the idea of a party, but she must have been expecting it at some point because her speech sounded a little too practised.

"Of course I will be!" I called back shutting the front door before she could say anything more.

"Took your time," Leah said bluntly as I hopped into the passenger seat of the estate car and she pulled quickly away in a sharp u-turn.

"Yes. Problem?" I snapped back. I had decided that the only way to deal with Leah was to match her mood for mood, and considering the fact that I had been practising her particular mood for the past 5 years I was confident that she might have met her match.

"Nope. So you ready for a La Push barbeque?"

I rolled my eyes. "Sure."

Leah snorted shortly. "Yeah, I reckon you are. Don't worry the guys are really just big puppies." She smiled at some private joke, and then turned to fix me with her steady gaze. "So why'd you come to Forks for the summer? It's hardly the number 1 tourist attraction. You don't look like you're into hiking."

My stomach churned involuntarily, but I trained my features into nonchalance. "Nah, no hiking. Just visiting my aunt Diana."

There was a silence that made it clear to me that Leah hadn't completely bought my explanation. Instead of pressing it like I expected her to she merely muttered: "Yeh, family sucks sometimes." And switched on the radio. "So you've met Emily, and Kim. Kim is 'dating' Jared," there was something off with the way she said the word dating, as if it was somewhat inadequate, "then there are the other guys: Sam, Paul, Embry, Quil, my little brother Seth, Collin, Brady, and now the chosen one has returned you get to meet Jacob." There was an unmistakable edge of resentment in her voice by the end of the list.

"There are a lot of guys." I observed.

"I know."

"Chosen one?" I raised an eyebrow curiously.

She shrugged but there was a definite stiffness in the way she set her jaw. "Just a joke. I think Kim's bringing a load of people from the Rez School as well so it should be pretty packed."

I unbuttoned my jacket, the car was getting really warm and I was starting to feel a little stuffy. "Can I open a window?"

"What? Why? You car sick?" Leah puzzled.

"No, it's just a little warm in here."

This seemed to amuse Leah and she grinned. "Sure open away, Alex."

A few minutes later we pulled off the road and down a dirt track lined with other cars, and a few people who were meandering up towards the slither of ocean I could make out in the distance. The sun was beginning to set. Leah parked the car and I hopped out. She opened the boot to reveal six large crates stacked with food.

"Give me a hand," she said plonking one into my arms, it was heavy and I strained to take the weight, but lifting two of them easily Leah barely seemed to notice.

Silently we made our way up the path towards the beach, I could smell the ocean, salt, fish, seaweed, water, all mingled into a strangely exciting, yet comforting scent. It smelled like home, and at the same time I was very much aware of exactly how far away from home I was.

"Welcome to first beach," Leah said, a firm note of pride in her voice. "Come on."

I gazed about myself at the sight. It was stunning. My vague memories barely did it an ounce of justice. The glittering water mirrored the violent oranges and pinks of the setting sun, and the huge black rocks that dotted both the ocean and beach gave the place a surreal appearance. All along the buzzing beach bleached out driftwood was scattered and I watched as partygoers dragged them around to the fire for both seating and fuel. The air was still warm with the day's heat – cooler than Leah's car – but warm enough that I didn't need a blanket for the time being.

"Hey Leah, are those the buns?" I heard someone call out and turned to see a tall well-muscled guy with cropped black hair stride over to us.

"Yes."

"Well you took your time, Embry's about ready to eat Quil. Who's she?"

"Don't be rude," Leah snapped to the guy's obvious surprise, he turned to eye me suspiciously, and I eyed him right back.

"I'm Alex, who are you?"

"Uh," he stumbled a little dumfounded, "I'm Paul."

"Hi Paul," I smiled sweetly following Leah who had stormed off up the beach towards a small group gathered by the fire. By small I mean small in number, because even from this distance I could see that they were all huge and built similar to Paul.

"Alex? That's a boys name." He said insolently, walking along side me.

"Its short for Alexandra - Prat." I muttered a little ticked off with his attitude. Was Emily the only friendly Quileute around?

Paul's face creased up in bewilderment. "What the hell does that mean?"

"It means Alex is a nickname for Alexandra," I said getting the impression that I was talking to an imbecile, "like Paul is short for Pauline."

He clenched his fists at his sides and glared at me. "I meant the _prat_ part."

"Calm down, Paul." I heard another deep voice say with a steely edge to their tone.

"I am calm!" Paul shot back at the stranger, clearly not calm at all.

Leah's head spun back to us, her eyes flashing fiercely in the dying light. "Get rid of him, Jared." She said to the other guy who had come up beside Paul (who was now clenching and unclenching his fists). He wouldn't dare hit me would he? "There are three more crates in my car."

"Sure thing, Leah. Hi, you must be Alexandra." He smiled at me while he steered Paul away.

"Don't worry about him," Leah assured me, "he has anger management issues. Come on, before everyone starves."

Together we carried on up the beach, and as we got closer to the shadowy group gathered by the fire I heard snippets of their conversation.

"If they want to meet with us then it's going to have to be on the border line." One guy said, his voice low, but not low enough.

"What's the point? They already know what our stance is, why would they think we'd reconsider?" Someone else pointed out testily.

"They know the treaty – they made it for crying out loud!" Another voice added fiercely. "We can't be seen to bend the rules just because that leech lover – Ouch! What was that for?"

The next voice that spoke was even huskier than the others. He had a voice like cigarettes and coffee, all rich timbre and smoky accents. As he spoke the words seemed to scratch at his throat painfully. "This is the first time someone has wanted," he paused to find the right words, "that existence. We should take that into…"

They all stopped, and I felt four pairs of dark eyes on me, the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end. I suddenly got that guilty feeling of hearing something that I most definitely was not supposed to hear. Leah, however, was unperturbed and continued forward. I found myself hanging back, strangely uncertain, they were huge, muscled, and definitely not 'puppies'. Those eyes were gleaming in the light of the fire; I was completely intimidated by them, frozen to my spot on the edge of the circle.

One of them looked away at Leah and I saw the flash of white teeth as he broke into a wide grin. "Food!" he cried out enthusiastically, skipping off around the fire. "Emily! The food has arrived!"

"Where's the rest of it?" Another said in confusion, also pulling his eyes from me.

"Jared and Paul are getting it," Leah answered. I could feel myself beginning to relax again. She turned around with a frown to find me. When she saw I was still standing by the edge she looked baffled. "What are you doing back there?"

"Uh," I mumbled, "nothing." And I trudged up towards her unable to shake the feeling of the last pair of eyes still boring into me like pneumatic drills.

"O…K…" Leah said with a raised eyebrow. Then I stumbled with the heavy crate on the uneven ground and I was absolutely prepared to eat sand when a pair of scorching arms steadied me.

I found my footing quickly, shrugging away from the heat of the stranger. "Thanks."

"Sure, sure." He muttered, stepping back from me.

"Right. So," I turned back to Leah without a glance at my saviour, "where should I dump this?"

Leah was eyeing me with intense scrutiny. Combine that with the suffocating heat that was now surrounding me - my temper flared up fiercely. "Now what's your problem?" I demanded.

This seemed to ease her and she smiled. "I haven't got a problem."

"That's up for debate," I heard someone grumble behind me.

"Oh shut it, Jacob!" Leah growled at him. "Take this to Emily, Collin." She handed her crates to a guy who was a little bit shorter than the other three.

He looked over at me hesitantly. "You want me to take that for you too?"

I looked wide-eyed at him. "What? This is heavy." But he was already in front of me and Leah was lifting the crate from my arms to stack on top of the others.

"Light as feathers," he grinned proudly at me while I gaped at him, "see?"

"Collin." I heard the guy – Jacob, I presumed – warn in a low tone that left no room for arguments.

"Yeh, yeh, I'm going," Collin grumbled as he strolled off with the three crates apparently causing him no more trouble than three paper bags filled with air.

Leah was staring suspiciously at Jacob, who was still stood behind me so it felt uncomfortably like she was glaring at me. There was a definite tension in the air around these two so I took a step to the side, ducking away from them.

"Hey, I'm Quil," the only other guy left introduced himself, with a short wave and a grin.

"I'm Alex," I waved back, "it's not a boys name, it's short for Alexandra."

He gave me a puzzled smile. "Umm, ok. You don't look like a boy so I kind of guessed the first part."

I shrugged. "Not everyone is as razor sharp as you."

"What?"

"Alexandra!" I heard someone distinctly female call out. "You came!"

Emily, in all her broken beauty, came wheeling out of the growing darkness a plate pilled high with hotdogs was balanced in her hands. She came to a halt on the other side of Leah and Jacob with that sweet lopsided smile of hers. "If you're hungry you better take some now," she advised, slapping back Jacob's hand which had shot towards the food.

I quickly took four.

They all raised their eyebrows incredulously. "I'm hungry," I defended myself.

"Obviously," Jacob smirked.

I glared at him. "There is absolutely nothing wrong with a healthy appetite."

He raised his hands in surrender. "It wasn't an insult. I'm impressed."

"Man," I heard Quil say quietly, "She sounds like a walking Jane Austen novel."

"I do not!" I rounded on him. Then seeing their faces I realised that I may have inadvertently proved him correct. "Fine," I huffed taking a bite from one of my hotdogs.

"How would you know what a Jane Austen novel sounds like?" Jacob quizzed.

Quil faltered, looking a little flushed. "I… I don't… it's just how I'd imagine… one to… sound…"

The end of his explanation was drowned out by Emily and Jacob's combined laughter. When they had calmed down Emily handed Quil the plate. In a matter of seconds it was empty, Leah, Quil and Jacob had descended on the food like a pack of hungry wolves.

Emily was clearly used to this kind of behaviour and merely looked happy that her food was appreciated so fully. She glanced up at me. "Your hair really does look lovely."

I reached a hand automatically up to the ends. "Oh. Thank you."

"It's like being with the queen or something," Quil mumbled through his food.

Jacob clipped him sharply around the head.

Emily ignored them. "Is it much shorter?"

I drew my eyes reluctantly away from the astonishing sight of Quil and Jacob arguing over the final hotdog only to have Leah pinch it out from under their noses.

"Yeah quite a bit. Not as long as yours," I answered admiring again the inky black of her straight hair.

"Hey, Em," Quil asked, "is there anymore?"

How on earth could he fit anymore in? He was big, sure, but still human.

"Yeah, Jared and Paul brought the other crates around. Sam's cooking it up, but Embry looked ready to eat the lot so it could be all gone by now."

This thought seemed to horrify him and he swung around all wide-eyed to look at Jacob. "You coming?"

Jacob glanced at me only for a second but in the firelight I caught the warm brown of his eyes, the gaze was searing, searching, stripping me bare. An unaccustomed heat prickled across my skin. I didn't like it; it made me feel uncomfortable, and exposed. I narrowed my blue eyes at him, satisfied when a moment later he moved his stare on to the shoreline where a group of kids were kicking a ball about near a bleached out piece of driftwood. His face turned hard as stone, a mask of bitterness, anger, and resentment. "Yeh, I'm right behind you." And the two moved away up the beach.

I stood for a while, finishing off my hotdogs – Leah stole one – chatting to the two Quileute girls about everything from England to La Push. Mainly Emily chatted happily about her wedding, at this point Leah began to roll her eyes a lot and crossed her arms over her chest defensively. Turned out that the wedding was set for three weeks time – Emily told me that she would send me a formal invitation in the post since now we were friends – it was to be held in the back garden of their home, just a small affair, family and friends. I got the impression that Emily was not one to bask in the limelight, whether that had anything to do with her scars I couldn't tell. I knew that I wouldn't have her strength; she barely seemed to acknowledge them, or the fact that I kept finding my eyes drawn to them.

Eventually yet another tall, muscled guy came strolling over to us. He introduced himself as Sam and wrapped a strong arm around Emily's waist; his eyes seemed to revel in her, like he just couldn't comprehend how lucky he was. Not as handsome as Jacob, I noticed with a twist in my stomach, but still very good-looking. Leah was watching them like she just couldn't decide if throwing them on the fire or impaling them with driftwood seemed the more agreeable. Finally she merely turned away, disappearing into the growing dark without a parting word.

Sam leaned close to Emily, whispering something in her ear, she nodded in agreement, her expression now serious and business like. "Alexandra, do you mind if we leave you for a bit?" She asked with such an apologetic note to her voice that I couldn't find it in myself to be annoyed.

"No. That's fine," I smiled reassuringly, glancing down at my watch to see that it was coming up to 10. "But I need to be home by 11, could you remind Leah for me if you see her?"

"Of course." She smiled as Sam led her away with a soft goodbye.

Alone I wandered down to the waters edge. For a moment I thought about just joining one of the other groups that dotted the beach, but I couldn't be bothered, I'd met more than enough new people today. What I really wanted was a drink, but it looked like these Quileute kids weren't into that. It was probably for the best judging by their size, if one of them got drunk not even a fully armoured tank could control them. Not to mention I had promised Diana that I would refrain, and though at the time that promise was more of a 'yeh, sure, whatever you say' kind of thing, it was alcohol that got me into this mess in the first place.

It was dark now, and whereas before the ocean was shimmering with the pinks and oranges of sunset, it was now glittering with a million, trillion stars like a giant sheet of sequined silk. The last time I had been to the beach was with my little brother George. We took the 20-minute bus ride out to the coast, just the two of us, mum was taking the twins for a check up at the hospital, and David was at work. I brought him a plastic bucket, and a spade, he sat on the gritty sand scooping it into the bucket and turning it upside down. Eventually I brought another spade for myself and together we dug a moat around his wonky castle, filling it with seawater that the sand soaked up like a sponge. Then we got ice cream and I carried him down the pier to watch the fishermen. When we arrived home he was sleeping in my arms, all soft and sweeter than honey.

The water was cooler than I had expected when it lapped up over my bare feet. Suddenly I had the overwhelming urge to dive into its dark depths, feel the cold, and hear the eerie silence, to get away from the heat of the night air, the buzzing voices surrounding me. I stepped further in, the water now reached up my calves and I kept going until it was touching the hem of my skirt, mid thigh. Now the gentle surf on the shore turned stronger and I had to work against the steady pull of it. Under my feet the sand shifted and I stumbled a little before regaining my balance by holding my arms out like a tightrope walker. As a little girl I loved the circus, the tricks, the danger, the laughs, my father took me to see it whenever it came to town. I hadn't been in years.

I began softly humming; my mind conjured up the image of being suspended high above the ground, with only a thin wire for support. I stepped carefully, one foot in front of the other. The ocean dragged back against my forward movement. _Don't look down_. All around me the roar of the waves, the crackle of the fire, the hysterics of the partygoers distorted into a strange kind of applause. _One foot, then the next, careful, don't loose it now just keep breathing, steady as you go. Stop thinking, feel your way, no thinking allowed here. The end is in sight, right ahead, a sturdy metal platform. Look some one is waiting for you._ My father, he was smiling in encouragement, arms opened wide to catch me. I wobbled precariously, my heart in my mouth. _Calm it down, take your time, you can do it. No panicking. No fear. No thinking. You can reach him. _

But just as I stretched out, my fingertips inches from his, I was lifted abruptly away. "NO!" I heard myself scream, as I slammed back to reality. "Dad!" As soon as the word slipped out I clamped a hand over my mouth. Shit. _What the __**hell**__ was that?_

Now, heart racing, I was quickly becoming aware of my surroundings once again. I was in someone's arms, a very muscular someone because they had scooped me up bridal style and were wading easily against the water back towards the beach. Very muscular, very tall, and very warm I observed. Curiously I twisted my head to look up at my kidnapper. Two black eyes were fixed stalwartly ahead; a dark brow was furrowed in anger? Concern? Or irritation? I couldn't tell which, maybe all three. A strong jaw was clenched, and two soft lips were pressed in a tense line. _Jacob._

"Put me down!" I ordered as soon as it sunk in.

Jacob didn't look at me, but replied with finality: "No."

"Excuse me?" I exclaimed, beginning a futile struggle. "If I want to be put down you will put me down! Now let go of me!"

"No," he repeated firmly. "You could have drowned out there! Do you realise that? Do you realise how completely stupid it is to go swimming in unknown water at night on your own?" There was an oddly strained note in his husky voice, he seemed to be trying to cover it with anger but it was there.

Stupid. Yes, that covered pretty much everything about me. "I guess you don't know this, but I have been diagnosed with clinical stupidity," I warned icily, and Jacob's eyes shot to me, dark and unfathomable. "I'm selfish, rude, and more than a little dense. Careful, a lot of people are going to be pissed at you for saving me."

Suddenly his eyes were disarmingly tender. "I don't believe that."

"You don't have to. Now put me down!" I repeated turning away to watch the surf lap at his ankles. "Come on! It's like two inches deep now!"

This still wasn't quite satisfactory enough for him and he carried me the further four meters to the sand before his arms loosened and I leapt away from him, moving a good few feet further to be sure. He raised an eyebrow curiously at my reaction.

"Do you have any concept of personal space?" I asked crossing my arms. I barely knew this guy, yet he was already getting way to close for comfort. Not to mention I appeared to be getting a slight damsel in distress complex around him.

That amused him and he grinned. "Nope. Not at all."

I snapped. "Well maybe you should get some – and quickly. Not everyone likes being groped by a complete stranger!"

His grin grew. "I didn't grope you!" he laughed, it was short, sharp, more of a bark than a laugh.

"Well what would you call it?" I asked.

"Uh, saving your life?"

"I didn't need saving!" I yelled, perhaps a little bit harsher than necessary but that smug grin was ticking me off. "So for future reference, keep your dirty mitts off me!"

This caused another bark of laughter. "What exactly are 'dirty mitts'?"

I rolled my eyes. "_Hands_," I ground out, "keep your _hands_ to yourself. Are we clear?"

Jacob brushed my question aside. "You call hands – mitts?"

"Are. We. Clear?" I hissed.

But before the deeply amused guy in front of me could answer in what I hoped was affirmative, a voice shouted out of the darkness at us. "Jake? Where the hell did you go?"

"Jake?" another called. "What did you run off for?"

"Yeh, don't get in a strop," someone sniggered, "Embry didn't mean to hurt your feelings! We all think that russet is a lovely colour. No way near as girly as chocolate brown!"

"Hey!" the first voice protested.

"Well it isn't," the third defended.

"Jake!" the second cried out, and I saw the three shadowy giants padding down the beach from the forest straight towards us. I had managed to identify Quil, Jared, and the guy who'd run off to fetch Emily earlier, all sporting expressions reminiscent of the Cheshire cat. Did anyone around here wear shirts?

"Oh, sorry, man," Quil said a suggestive glint in his eyes, "we didn't know you had company. Hey there, Alex. If Jake's bothering you just let us know."

Jared elbowed him. "We'll be going…"

I felt heat flood into my cheeks, as the three of them looked us over, their suspiciously sharp eyes taking in my dishevelled appearance, but making no immediate moves to leave. "Yes, actually, Quil," I said, stepping even further away from Jacob. "He _is_ bothering me as it happens."

Quil smirked, shooting a glance to Jacob. "What did you do to her?"

"Just saved her life," Jacob said with a tone that implied I was being completely unreasonable about the whole thing.

"Saved my life?" I spluttered, ignoring the entertained looks the others were sharing. "Hardly! I was just paddling when you came and dragged me back to shore!"

"You dragged her, Jake?"

"No, Embry, I carried her," Jacob corrected.

"Groped," I coughed into my hand.

I hadn't expected any of them other than Jacob to understand me, but all three of them turned accusingly to Jake, who held up his hands in defence. "I did _not_ grope her."

Quil chuckled darkly. "Nice man, real classy."

"Oh come on!" Jacob groaned flapping his arms in frustration. "I didn't touch her."

"Uh, yes you did," I pointed out. "I sure as hell didn't fly back to shore."

"Not like that I didn't," he said narrowing his eyes at me; I just smiled innocently – served him right.

"Jake, seriously," Jared said, coming up beside his friend and looping an arm over his shoulders. "I understand that maybe you need some sort of distraction after… you know… but at least ask the girl first. Its common courtesy."

"I thought you learnt that when you got punched in the face," Embry added.

Luckily for Embry, because Jacob looked about ready to rip his head from his shoulders, another, more feminine voice joined us. "What's going on?" Leah asked, sounding as hormonal as usual. She came to my side and glared around at the boys suspiciously. "Are you alright Alex?"

"Yep, I'm fine," I said, keeping quiet about the manhandling joke, I figured that though it would be funny to watch Jacob probably wanted children someday.

"You sure?" she quizzed fixing me with those searching eyes.

"Absolutely." I said, pulling a smile across my face. "I'm just peachy."

This didn't seem to convince her. And as I caught the relieved thank you Jacob mouthed at me Leah rounded on him as if she'd sensed his reaction. "What have you done to her?"

Quil and Embry started sniggering.

"Nothing!" Jacob yelped, holding his hands up in surrender, or like he was trying desperately to calm a particularly pissed bear. "I swear!"

Leah was still eyeing him. "Well don't. We all know what happens to your '_little_ _projects'_."

This was quite clearly the wrong thing to say because a silence so heavy I thought I might have begun sinking through the soft sand, descended on us. Jacob and Leah were caught in a death glare. Leah had her hands folded defensively and an eyebrow arched as if to say 'come on then if you think you can'. While Jacob had his hands clenched tightly into fists by his sides just like Paul earlier, only this time tremors were rocking up them with a frightening intensity.

Suddenly, Embry had jumped between them. "Come on guys, calm it down." He jerked his head in my direction sharply. "Now is really not the time."

Next, Quil was at Jacob's side. "Don't do it man," he warned, his voice low, "she is just messing with you."

Then, Jared was between Leah and I, his body angled so that I was shielded from them all. "Go run it off Jake," he advised.

Jacob growled, it rumbled through his chest like thunder, and the fierceness of it caught me off guard. I let out a frightened gasp. What the hell was going on here?

In an instant his eyes were on me, and I cowered back behind Jared. They were burning with such anger, such intense, overwhelming pain, that I was scared. He seemed to realise this because the moment our eyes met his softened and the tremors ceased, though his hands remained fisted. Jacob continued to pin me helplessly to the spot, and again I had the disconcerting feeling he was stripping me bare. I didn't like it one little bit but I was too unsettled to do anything about it.

"Jake," Quil said, tentatively. "Jared's right. Go run it off."

Jacob remained in his place still as stone.

"Just take her home Leah," Jared gritted out.

Leah was still glaring full force at Jacob. But she shrugged, and eventually dragged her eyes away. "Fine. Come on Alex."

Grateful to be leaving the heat of Jacob's stare I barely looked back as I started off up the beach to the car. As we passed Embry I heard him mutter: "Nice one Leah. Kick the guy while he's down." Then we were away, and the cooling breeze was a welcomed relief.


	3. Tears & Blood, Fire & Flood

A/N: I don't own anything other than Alex, Diana, and the characters you don't recognise. Thank you for reading.

**Supernova**

Chapter 3: "_In Your Tears And In Your Blood, In Your Fire And In Your Flood._" – Coldplay, Till Kingdom Come

Leah was silent, fuming, all the way down the forest path to her car; I could practically see the steam pouring out of her ears. Once we were on the road, speeding back into Forks, she turned to me, her face accusing.

"Is something going on between you and Jacob?" She asked her voice harsh, demanding.

"What?" I frowned. "No way! What on earth makes you think that? I barely know the guy."

She pondered my reaction, chewing the inside of her lip in thought. What she saw obviously satisfied her. "Good."

I stared in disbelief. "Good? What does that mean? And what the hell was that back there?"

"Nothing. Don't worry about it." She snapped shortly.

"Excuse me?" This girl was really something. This _place_ was really something. Trust me to come to a small town and get mixed up with the non-drinking, aggressive, giants. Where the heck were the _normal_ kids? The kind that got drunk, stoned, and did not growl at each other. "I know what nothing is, and **that** was definitely not it."

Leah was tapping her fingers along the arch of the wheel in an agitated rhythm, her eyes darting about the road ahead; her whole posture screamed discomfort. Silence filled the car, and my own irritation combined with hers seemed to have brought the temperature to a sweltering level. I opened the window. With the introduction of a cooling breeze she took a deep, shaking breath. "I… I can't tell you," she said finally.

"Why not?"

She paused. "I'm not allowed. Sorry."

"So, let me get this straight," I clarified. This was just getting plain weird. "You are forbidden to talk to me about what happened tonight, and I'm supposed to just say 'oh, ok, no problem'?"

"Yes."

"Bullshit."

She snapped round to me then, her face fierce in the light of the dashboard. I was certain she was about to decapitate me right then and there in the car. But she didn't, and her expression eventually softened. "Yeah it is bullshit. But that's the rule."

"The rule?" I snorted. It sounded ridiculous like she was part of some secret gang. The La Push Mafia? "Come on."

"Yes," she said, voice hard now, "the rule. Sorry, Alex." As I took this information in her face twisted like her next words were paining her to say. "If you really want to know… you could probably ask Jacob. I imagine he'd be able to tell you."

"Huh? Why Jacob and not you?"

She smirked but refused to give me a straight answer, merely muttering under her breath: _"I'm so going to get it from Jake for that one." _Pause. _"Better her than Bella."_

"Bella?" I said out loud drawing Leah's attention from the road. Where had I heard that name before? "Bella? As in Isabella?" Leah nodded, looking a bit confused. "Isabella Swan?"

Another nod. "You know her?"

"I've heard of her…" The cogs of my brain were turning.

"Who hasn't?" Leah scoffed, "Little drama queen."

Then it all clicked into place and my eyes widened. "Oh my god! Jacob Black is the La Push boy… Bloody hell. But he's how many years older? 4?"

Leah laughed darkly. "He's younger actually."

"What, seriously?"

"Uh huh – 16."

"Really? He looks like he's in his 20s at least. Are you all…?"

She shook her head so that her black hair shifted around her face. "No, Jared, Kim, Sam, Emily and I are all older. I'm 19. What about you?"

"16." I answered still trying to wrap my head around the latest revelation. "So what happened?"

"Happened?"

"With Bella and Jacob. And how come she's marrying this other dude even though he ran out on her?"

Leah's eyes were hard as she tried to shrug nonchalantly. "Don't ask me to try and understand what's going on in that girl's head."

"You're not friends then?" I quizzed.

Leah barked out a laugh devoid of humour. "Sure. We're totally BFFs." The sarcasm was hard to ignore.

"So that would be a no then?"

"That's a - Hell no."

We fell quiet after that, and I saw that we were nearing Diana's house. Unsurprisingly the light of the living room was still shining bright in the dark - she was waiting up for me.

* * *

That night, as I lay in my bed listening to the strange silence that seeped through the house, I replayed the evenings events over in my mind trying to piece the facts together. But I was too tired to sleep and I was too confused to make any sense of what I had witnessed.

But my instincts let me know, with an unpleasant twisting in my gut, that this place I had labelled dreary not seven days ago was starting to give me the creeps. Something was definitely not right. Behind every sentence, every word, there seemed to be some hidden meaning, an undercurrent of secrecy that made me feel awkward and wish I was back home with my familiar friends, in my familiar house, even with my familiar family.

And the curious intensity that permeated every thing they did, or said, or looked at with their burning eyes, including me, it filled me with unease. Never had I drifted off like I did on the beach. I always remained firmly, stubbornly in the present, in realism, in what could be touched, felt, tasted, I had no place for mystery I wanted reality. Cold. Hard. Facts. But I sure as hell wasn't getting them.

* * *

The books were mocking me. It sounded insane but there was no other explanation for it. For why, having spent days neatly ordering them on the shelves of the library, they now appeared in complete disarray. All I could figure was that some time in the night they had all engaged in a thrilling game of frustrate the library staff.

Enid stood next to me with a reproving expression, arms folded under her sagging breasts. "Alexandra," she began with her all too soft voice, "If you didn't understand the way we shelve the books you should have said something. This is a mess. It's going to take you all day (at the very least) to clear up."

My left eye twitched. I did understand. I did exactly what they told me to do. I had no idea how the jumble of authors and titles had come about. This defence obviously wasn't getting me anywhere after half an hour, so I conceded defeat – these librarians were wily little wallflowers when they wanted to be. I took a breath. "Yeah, I'm so sorry. I really think I've got it now. I'll make certain it's done by this afternoon, promise."

My sudden turnabout surprised Enid, her eyebrows rose over the rims of her glasses. "Oh. Ok, then. I guess I will leave you to it."

"Thank you." I smiled – and it was very very nearly sincere. "Sorry again."

She was still shooting me bemused looks as she walked back to the front desk. That was kind of fun. But my smiled dropped as soon as my eyes fell on the mammoth task before me. I took a deep breath. Enid was right; this was going to take me all day.

I was on the phone, skiving from my duties, when my first visitors of the day arrived. Luckily for them (and me) the three hags had decided to take yet another coffee break and were currently hauled up in their shared office with the door shut. This meant that I was only to disturb them in an emergency, i.e. if Satan fired up his chariot and burst through the floor with his hounds of hell and a truly malicious plan to burn the place to the ground.

So, basically, I was on my own – just little old me, and those pesky books – when in strode the three amigos (I would say musketeers but in my opinion that would imply that there was at least one brain between them). At first I didn't realise who it was because I was talking on my phone to my friend Jenny back home trying to explain the hideous book issue, but as soon as they got close enough it was like I could sense them and I spun around, startled, to face two blinding grins, and one more hesitant.

"Alex? Helloooo? Are you still there?" Jenny called down the phone while I frowned at the three guys stood before me.

Jacob, Quil, and Embry. Oh how I would come to loath those names. Quil waved with over-enthusiasm, and a distinctly saucy smirk at my short skirt, which seemed to earn him a rather dark look from Jacob. "Hey Alex!" Quil greeted pleasantly enough.

I glared, dropping the phone from my ear. I was just not in the mood. "What exactly do you want?" I asked shortly.

Jacob opened his mouth to answer when Quil beat him too it. "This is a public library is it not, Alexandra?"

"Jane Austen is two shelves over," I replied pointing behind me, "Help yourself."

Quil flushed a little, Embry giggled (yes it was the most bizarre thing ever). "I do not read Jane!" the boy insisted in his own defence.

"Jane?" Embry hooted, his giggle had now progressed into a fully-fledged, slightly booming laugh. "Oh, man! Are you Mr Darcy to Claire's Lizzie?"

Quil punched Embry's rather large bicep. "Shut it."

"Yeah, Embry," Jacob seemed at first to be agreeing with Quil, "That's a little warped. Besides, he's more like a Mr Knightly."

"Will you two morons just shut up?" Quil demanded.

"You know," I interjected, unable to resist, "I'm beginning to get a little concerned about all the in-depth knowledge of Jane Austen you guys seem to be in possession of. Perhaps you should try a Bronte, or maybe it would be healthier for you to find a Stephen King novel just to get some more testosterone pumping before you all start having fainting spells." They opened their mouths, probably to protest, but I held my free hand up to silence them. Lifting my phone back to my ear I heard Jenny's baffled voice still muttering irritably at the other end. "Sorry about that," I said turning my back on the trio.

"What is going on?" Jenny started.

"Oh, nothing. Just some local guys wanting to branch out in their reading and you know how happy I am to help." Behind me I heard three scoffs that I pointedly ignored. "They're moving on from pictures to words now. Full sentences, isn't that just great?"

She snorted. "Yeah ok. Whatever you say. So, Danny was asking after you today."

"Was he?" I replied in my best bored voice. Teen drama… it crosses oceans.

"Yeah I don't exactly know what he wanted. He was talking to Ellie and she told me to tell you that he says sorry."

"Sorry? What's he sorry about?"

"I think he thinks that it all his fault that your mum shipped you over to America for the summer." She sighed. "Which is a little silly, but you know Danny."

I shifted uncomfortably, heat prickling across my skin; I could feel their eyes on my back. "That is stupid. It wasn't his fault we got caught. Besides, mum was just waiting for an excuse to kick me out, so tell him it's not a big deal, and Forks is hardly boot camp."

She laughed. "Yeah, by the sounds of it you're getting along just fine with out him. He'll be heart broken."

"Oh, come on," I rolled my eyes; I knew she was teasing, but still. "We were never anything serious, he knows that. Or at least he should. And whatever scandalous thing it is that you cooked up in that dirty little head of yours is not true. I'm being a good girl. Maybe you could let my mum know."

"She hasn't called yet?"

"No. Not yet."

"She will." Jenny insisted.

"If you say so."

"I do. Just give her a little time to cool off. I mean that's what this is all about right? Giving you guys some space from each other."

"Sure," I said, scorn evident in my tone. "Cause the Atlantic and an entire country aren't far enough for her? You should have seen her face before I left she was so…" To my own horror I felt my words catch in my throat and that familiar sting at the base of my nose. No way was I about to burst into tears with the three amigos present. I coughed, running my free hand through my hair. "Listen, Jen," I said, thankful that my voice had returned to vague normality, "I'm going to have to go now. The hags will be out to check on me soon. So I'll email you later tonight, ok?"

"Sure thing," she said, "Don't you worry about your mum she'll come around, because she loves you even when you're being a total bitch. Just like me."

I just made a noncommittal noise and said: "Whatever. Speak to you soon?"

"Of course. Miss you," she replied and the phone went dead.

Taking a deep breath I pocketed my mobile and swung around ready to face whatever the three stooges had in store for me. I stopped short. Where two minutes ago three ridiculously muscled 16 year olds stood now there was just Jacob, though his presence easily filled the room, wearing that look on his face like he could see into my soul. Seeing the parts of me I had spent so many years burying as deep as possible. The things I didn't want anyone to see. Things he had no right in knowing.

"Get out." I said, my voice coming out in a hiss, harsher than I had intended.

He was surprised. "What?"

"I said: Get out!" This time it was stronger, more forceful. "Get out and leave me the hell alone!"

"Alex." Soft, confused, he was trying to placate me.

It was too much – it was all too much. This place, the phone call from home, the intimacy of his eyes – I couldn't take it anymore. He was making no moves to leave so I stormed over towards the exit, not caring what Diana would say if she saw me gone knowing only that I had to get away from him. Snatching my purse from where I'd chucked it that morning I charged outside onto the street narrowly missing an old biddy dawdling around doing who-knew-what. My feet pounded the cement as I headed towards the main drag with no conscious clue as to where I was going.

I didn't hear a sound so when a hot hand clamped around my arm I shrieked, jerking backwards into the road. The heel of my shoe caught on the curb and my ankle twisted sharply. A horn blasted – but before I could scramble my thoughts together I was back on the pavement encase firmly in two strong arms.

My chest heaved with every breath I sucked in. "Holy crap!" I closed my eyes, trying to steady my heart rate and prevent some sort of teenage stroke. "Bloody, bollocking hell," I added a little un-necessarily – I was in shock.

"Yeah, that about covers it." Jacob's husky voice agreed from next to my ear causing unwanted Goosebumps to prickle across my skin.

"Why do you keep doing this to me?" I asked. It came out as barely a whisper but we were so close I knew he'd hear me.

"Saving your life?"

"Knocking me off balance," I corrected.

He took a moment to collect his answer. "You mean you're not normally so attached to danger?"

"No." I told him. "I'm not." There was a pause. "Do you want to let go of me now?"

I felt him smile. "Not really." But his arms loosened. "Are you going to run away again?"

"Depends…" I prevaricated. "Will you chase after me?"

"Yes."

"Then what would be the point?" I gave up, flapping my arms in surrender, and he let go of me. "Thank you," I said with all the sincerity I could muster, but as soon as I stepped onto my left ankle white-hot pain seared up to my calf and I fell back leaning on his chest for support. "Bollocks!" I cursed.

"What is it?" he asked with genuine panic in his voice. "You're hurt."

"No shit Sherlock," I muttered, looping an arm over his shoulder and lifting my foot from the pavement. "It's my ankle, I think I twisted it."

He looked down at it, then back at me. "My car is parked down the street. You should get a doctor to check that out."

I wasn't going to argue with him, my ankle freaking killed. "Ok. Lead the way…"

We didn't move. I glanced up at him. "Oh no!" I shook my head. "No way!" He nodded. "Uh-uh, you are _not_ carrying me again! What is it with you?"

"It'll be quicker," he pointed out reasonably.

"You seriously have some sort of hero complex." I muttered, but my resolve was crumbling – he had a point.

"Quicker we get to my car the quicker you get painkillers," he said with a look that suggested he knew he'd won already.

"Fine." I huffed.

"You sure about this?" he asked cheekily.

"Just get on with –" but before I finished my irritated sentence I let out a yelp as he'd swept his arm under my legs and was striding off down the street ignoring the curious looks we were getting. "Smug bastard." I mumbled, glaring at anyone who caught my eye.

* * *

The nearer we got to the hospital the tenser Jacob seemed to get. His jaw clenched and his dark brows drew down over his eyes as they stared out at the road ahead. I wondered what it was that had him so wound up. Surely he wasn't this stressed over my ankle?

"Hey Jacob," I said, and he turned sharply towards me. "Chill out, it's probably just a sprain – nothing serious."

This did very little to smooth the lines of his face, he just let out a long breath, returning to watching the road. "Yeah, I know."

Ok, so it wasn't me. "You not a fan of hospitals?" I tried, not sure why I was so bothered by his sombre mood.

This garnered the tiniest up-turn at the corner of his mouth. "You could say that." He answered in the most frustratingly cryptic manner.

I decided to leave it alone. I wasn't going to beg. If he wanted to share I was pretty sure he would.

Suddenly, just like that, Leah's comments from the night before came flooding back to me.

"…_You could probably ask Jacob. I imagine he'd be able to tell you."_

I never had discovered what she meant by that. Peering at Jacob from the corner of my eye I decided that I was going to test it out… only it would have to wait because we had just turned into the parking lot.

I was still struggling to unclip my seat-belt when the passenger-side door opened; Jacob reached over me, popped the contraption open and lifted me out in one fluid movement. Briefly I wondered how he managed all this without apparently breaking a sweat. Still, I supposed those muscles were probably explanation enough. How the heck did a 16-year-old boy get so ripped?

Jacob carried me over to the front desk and informed the receptionist in a rather clipped tone that I had twisted my ankle. The place was pretty quiet so she just took my name and got a nurse to show us to a bed where we could wait until a doctor was ready to come examine me. Once Jacob had deposited me on the itchy covers the nurse carefully removed my shoe and gave my tender ankle the once over before she disappeared down the corridor.

I looked over at Jacob who was stood like a bodyguard next to me his dark eyes scanning the area. Seriously, what exactly was it that crawled up his butt?

As I was pondering the increasingly weird guy beside me a thought suddenly occurred. "Oh crap!" I groaned.

"What?" Jacob asked.

"Insurance," I said, rolling my eyes to the whitewashed ceiling. "I need bloody insurance here right?"

His eyes widened as the penny dropped. "Oh."

"Yeah." I agreed.

"Do you have any?"

That was a good question. To be perfectly honest it had never occurred to me that I would need any. Most of the details of this trip had been organised between Diana and my mum, all I had to do was pack a suitcase and catch a flight. So if anyone would know it'd be Diana.

"Can you use phones in here?" I stupidly asked – but hey, you never know.

"Uh, no," he said in a 'well, duh' tone.

"Ok," I flipped open my purse and pulled out my mobile proffering it to him. "Could you maybe call Diana for me and find out the deal?"

He took the phone and nodded. "Sure, sure." Just before he started off down the corridor he turned back to me. "I won't be long."

"Alright." I replied. Then, as he moved off again, I called out: "Try not to panic her!" I could just imagine what sort of internal damage finding out I was in hospital from a strange boy would do to my aunt.

Not a minute after Jacob left my side the doctor materialised at the end of my bed with that compassionate smile that all doctors have which was supposed to simultaneously reassure and encourage trust. For a moment I truly wondered how it was that a dreary place like Forks could acquire so many attractive men – it was like a breeding ground.

"Hello Alexandra," he said in the most musical voice I'd ever heard, it was almost hypnotising. He placed a bag of ice on the bed. "I'm Dr Cullen. Nurse Baxter tells me you think you've sprained your ankle. May I take a look at it?"

"Knock yourself out," I shrugged and he smiled at my comment.

"You're English?" he asked.

"Yeah." I eyed him suspiciously.

"I was born in London."

"Wow," I said with a short laugh, relaxing, "your accent is a bit funky now, huh?"

He laughed. "I suppose it is. I've lived here for much longer."

"You weren't all cockney back in the day were you?" I grinned. I liked this guy, but the thought of him with a cockney accent was just too funny to resist.

"No I wasn't," he answered, amused, perhaps he was picturing himself having a pint in the Queen Vic with Peggy Mitchell like I was. "Which part of England are you from?" He took my raw ankle in his cool hands pressing down firmly.

"A small town in Norfolk," I said trying not to wince too much.

"I went to the broads once – along time ago – visited Norwich castle as well. I liked it, very interesting."

"Yeah, it's kind of different here." I mused. "Everything is sort of bigger, more spaced out. Not better, just different. The forests and beaches here are completely gorgeous."

"How did this happen?" he asked referring to my ankle.

"I lost my balance and slipped off the curb."

"Can you walk on it?"

"Not really."

He was nodding with understanding when I hissed sharply in pain. He replaced my foot on the bed with the ice under it and straightened up. "Can you wiggle your toes for me?" I did. "That's great. It suggests that you haven't broken anything, but I would like to take an x-ray just to be sure. On the downside I think you've torn a ligament – it doesn't seem too extreme - but means you're going to need a dressing and crutches for a while."

"Yippee," I sighed.

He smiled at my lack of enthusiasm. "I'm just going to go and arrange everything for your x-ray. Keep your ankle on the ice for the moment. Is there anything you need?"

"Painkillers would be nice." I looked hopefully up at him.

"Do you have any allergies or reactions to anti-inflammatory drugs?" I shook my head. "I'll prescribe you a small dose for the next few days to help with the swelling, but if it can be avoided I'd rather not put you on anything too strong."

"Thank you."

The nurse had come and gone with the wonder-pills by the time Jacob's face came once again into view. He certainly hadn't relaxed any during his phone conversation with Diana. His eyes were even darker than usual and his nostrils flared as he regarded me.

"The doctor has been to see you then?" he asked handing back my phone, but it wasn't really a question.

"Yup," I said, slipping the device into my bag, "nice guy."

Jacob snorted. "He's ok."

I frowned. What was the deal with all the hostility from this boy? "Gave me painkillers so he's alright by me. What did Diana say?"

"She's on her way. You have insurance, so everything is fine." He paused. "Is she always like that?"

"Yeah… picture living with it. Is she mad?"

He almost smiled. "A little. So what did Dr Fan-uh-Cullen have to say?"

"Well. He doesn't think it's broken – so that's good – but I'm getting an x-ray anyway to be sure – which is cool because I've never had one of those before. Of course I'll probably need a bandage and crutches for a couple of weeks – which is not so good."

"Good," he said a little distractedly, glancing down at my swelling ankle.

"You know my ankle isn't normally that fat," I tried to joke because he was just way too intense.

He didn't exactly laugh but his eyes softened. "I'm really sorry," he said.

Now I was completely baffled as to where his mind was. "Uh, for saving my life? Yeah, you should really be ashamed of yourself."

"For making you jump – before – I sometimes forget how quiet I can be. And for last night…" he trailed off so that I wasn't certain which part of the night before he was apologising for. "I overreacted."

"I think you've made up for it." I said in an oddly charitable moment.

He caught my eyes then and the intensity was back, if it weren't for the fact that I was partially immobilised I would have made another run for it. As it was I just shifted uncomfortably, fingering the strap of my bag with jittery nerves. "I haven't yet," he said, his voice dropping an octave, "but I will."

I was about to inform him that there was really no need when his head whipped around so fast I thought he'd snapped it. Very softly, like thunder, I heard a growl rumble through his chest. A flashback of the night before on the beach, the feral gleam in his eyes as he stared Leah down. Except now it was just the two of us and I had no idea what was happening or how to deal with it.

Where was the freaking doctor when you needed him?

A shifting light caught my eye and I turned away to see the blond hair of the Doctor heading towards us, his movements as smooth as his voice. There is a god!

"Jacob," Dr Cullen greeted pleasantly, apparently he hadn't noticed the death-rays that the large guy beside me was sending his way.

"Cullen." Short, sharp. So this was the problem all along, he had issues with the Doctor.

"Did you bring Miss Grant in?" His question was mild, polite. If he felt the hostility that I did he was putting up a good show of ignoring it.

"Yes." Defensive.

"Well I'm sure you will be pleased to hear that she should be fine." He smiled at me but I was too confused to manage to send one back. "The x-ray room is all set." That was when I noticed what he'd brought with him. A wheelchair. "Shall we?" he asked gesturing to the wheeled contraption.

Not daring to glance at Jacob I somehow slid off the bed and one foot I hopped over to where the chair was. It was a relief to be sitting but Dr Cullen requested that I keep my foot as elevated as possible so it wasn't exactly comfortable – especially in a skirt.

"I'll bring her back as soon as possible," he informed Jacob unnecessarily (in my opinion), who was still glowering like a thundercloud.

He grunted in response and Dr Cullen wheeled me away.

* * *

Turned out that I had no broken bones and the ligament was only partially torn – if that – so Dr Cullen bandaged it up, gave me some ice, and crutches and sent me home with instructions to keep off it for the next few days. While Diana had initially been cross with me for storming out of the library and not telling her where I was going, she did seem genuinely pleased to see I was ok – which made a nice change. She thanked Jacob and Dr Cullen for all their help, and apologised for me (which I was not happy about considering I didn't exactly do it on purpose) before ushering me out to her car. I really needed a cigarette at that point but Diana was having none of it.

Jacob stayed behind because, despite the freaky vibes they were sending each other, he wanted to have a word with Dr Cullen in private. I was thankful – I didn't really want to see the results of that awkward meeting.

We drove in silence for the most part. I was still mulling over the curious interaction between the Doc and Jacob. What could nice Dr Cullen have done to make Jacob hate him so much? Did he run over his cat or something? I had never felt so much tension in one room.

Oddly enough it was Diana who filled in the missing pieces when she turned to me with a guarded expression and said: "I didn't know you were such good friends with Jacob Black."

I shrugged. "I'm not really. We met at the beach last night."

"He seemed rather attached to you." Oh, I knew what this was about.

"Yeah well," I muttered. "I honestly have no idea what that is."

She looked skeptical. "Are you sure? He looked at you like…"

"I know and I have no clue why. I swear I've done nothing to encourage it."

Her face softened. "Just be careful, Alex."

"Careful?"

Was that embarrassment I saw flicker across her eyes? "It's just that with the wedding of Bella Swan and Edward Cullen coming up I'd imagine he's feeling a little… well, a little… frustrated and hurt. I don't want you to…"

"Mess him around?" I snapped. It was typical of her to think that I was the one playing around here.

"It's just that," she continued obviously getting a bit uncomfortable with where this conversation had ended up, "he's a good-looking boy and I wouldn't blame you, but…"

"Diana," I cut her off, I'd heard more than enough. "This is all irrelevant considering that I met him just last night, and yes I know that's never stopped me before, but I'm trying here. Besides he is just not my type. Way too intense."

Her mouth formed a perfect 'Oh' and I smiled to myself. It was way too easy.

As she turned the car into our street it happened – the pieces slotted together like a giant jigsaw puzzle – the big picture was suddenly clear to me. "Edward Cullen? He's Dr Cullen's son right?"

"Yes."

Bingo. So that was what the issue was. Jacob was having a hard time being in the same room as the father of the guy that won the girl. Yeah, that must sting. I'd never really ever been invested in a relationship, or cared particularly when it ended, so I had no idea what it must feel like for him right now. Though I imagined that Leah would probably be the closest to understanding him – which made the fact that they were at each other's throats all the more puzzling. Surely it is a comfort knowing that they're not alone in their pain?

Who'd have guessed there would be so much heartbreak in such an unassuming town?


	4. We all need time

**A/N: **Sorry this took so long but i just got back from holiday! Yay for summer! Anyway, thank you to everyone who is reading, reviewing, and whatnot. I don't own anything you recognise, they belong to Stephanie Meyer, and 'Rebecca' belongs to Daphne Du Maurier. Enjoy!

**Supernova**

Chapter 4: "_I'll Need Heart And You'll Need Courage, We All Need Time._" – The Maccabees, Precious Time.

It was late afternoon that I received my first visitor. Diana had, under Dr Cullen's request, set me up in my room with ice and cushions. The cushions were not for comfort, they were to keep my ankle above heart level – apparently she read it from a first aid book that said it helps in reducing the swelling. She was a bit frustrated at having to take the day off from work, but smiled with guilty pleasure when she told me Enid was not happy with the state of the shelving or the fact that she was now going to have to clear it up on her own.

Last night, while I was supposed to be sleeping my trauma off, I heard Diana speaking on the phone to my mother. Even actual bodily harm wasn't enough for her to want to speak with me, but I was grateful that Diana had thought to wait until I was sleeping to make the call.

There wasn't a lot to do other than attempt a start in the large pile of novels Diana had set on the floor by my bed. I think she spent the morning collecting them, and the afternoon doing chores downstairs, but every so often she would come into my room and check that I was ok, bring fresh ice, and another cup of tea – and to inform me that Enid had found a replacement for me (her grandson, Callum, poor bastard). Luckily I could manage the regular trips to the toilet that the caffeine was making more necessary than usual all by myself. That was an awkward situation we both wanted to avoid.

I was flicking through the discoloured pages of 'Rebecca' when I heard the front doorbell ring out. That was one thing I was never going to have when I got my own place – a mind numbingly cheery doorbell. The sound of Leah Clearwater's sharp tones rising above it immediately pushed any grumbling thoughts from my head.

"Leah?!" I yelled downstairs, only a tiny bit apologetic about the volume.

Clearly realising that she would never be able to get away with telling the other girl that I was sleeping Diana invited Leah in. Her footsteps barely made a sound on the stairs but she charged into the bedroom like the one girl powerhouse she was. In one hand there was another bag of ice cubes, in the other she had a giant tub of ice cream.

"Hey there hop-along," she laughed taking in the sight of me still in my pyjamas, foot up in the air.

"Wow, you're chirpy," I raised a curious eyebrow, "does my pain truly bring you that much joy?"

She shrugged. "Well I won't deny it's pretty funny." Then she dumped the ice cream on the bed and with surprising care lifted my foot to replace the bag. "So…" she said, flinging the melted ice onto the floor (Diana was not going to be happy about that). "How long are you going to be trussed up in here for?"

"A few days until the swelling goes, then I can get around on crutches until I can walk again. So probably a week or two."

She lifted the book from my fingers and turned it over. "Any good?"

"Yeah. It's about a girl who falls in love with a man but is haunted by the presence of his dead wife - Rebecca. Really spooky."

"Huh," she dropped it back onto the pile, "Sounds like my kind of book. Dead wives, haunted men."

I shook my head at her, she was joking, but there was still an element of truth to her words. Who wouldn't want revenge on the arsehole that left them? "So," I said lightly, "to what do I owe this pleasure?"

"Figured you'd need some cheering up." She brought out two spoons and sat on the bed, placing the tub of chocolate fudge brownie ice cream between us. "Besides – any excuse for eating ridiculous amounts of ice cream."

"I'm not complaining."

A few minutes and half the tub later Leah finally started the topic that she had really come around to discuss.

"So it was Jacob who told me about your accident. He was with you." She told me unnecessarily as I already knew that part.

I nodded. Was I about to get another warning? It wasn't like I asked Jacob to come and bother me. "Yeah, he came into the library. Is that a problem?"

She sighed. "No, I don't really have a choice in the matter." The bitter undertone was pretty hard to miss.

"You know nothing is going on. I don't even know why he keeps bothering me."

Her eyes were surprisingly sad when they looked up at me. "Not yet you don't."

"I'm not interested," I insisted. She snorted obviously not convinced.

"You say that now." The expression on her face was still gloomy. "But I don't want to stand in your way."

I laughed. "Believe me there is nothing for you to stand in the way of. I barely know him."

"But you like him." She persisted.

"Sure," I said, shoving my spoon deeper into the tub, "if you like a hole in your head." She had to smile at that. "He's fit, but I made a promise that I wasn't going to get into that sort of stuff while I was here – and for once I'm trying to keep it. Besides… I don't know, there's just something strange about him… I'm not sure I like it."

"What do you mean?" She was looking at me with guarded eyes.

I waved the spoon about my head. "I don't know it's just creepy."

"Creepy?" she clarified almost smiling. "You mean you don't like the way he looks at you?"

"No… I don't." I said suspiciously, eyeing her with the same caution a lion-tamer does his most temperamental lioness. "Why?"

She shoved her spoon into the chocolate ice cream with a grin and said "No reason" just before she filled her mouth with the frozen treat effectively cutting off any further comments.

I was still shooting her guarded looks. "You're seriously weird, do you know that?"

She shrugged, swallowing the great mass of chocolate. "It's been mentioned. So can I ask you a question?"

I narrowed my eyes. "I believe you already have." She was still waiting for a proper answer. "Sure, go ahead."

Replacing the spoon in the tub she shifted to sit squarely on the bed, facing me. "Why were you really sent here?" Direct to the point. "The truth."

Ah, that question. I was beginning to wonder who was going to try it first. Now it had happened I was glad it was Leah not Jacob (or even worse Quil or Embry) who had cornered me with it. How to answer? I wasn't going to divulge the whole truth, not right now, not to someone I'd met two days ago – most of my friends back home didn't even know that much. But I also knew I wasn't going to get away by fobbing her off with some made up excuse. So I gave her the edited truth. That was safe to speak out loud.

"I don't get on with my mum – we fight constantly. I go out too much, I drink too much, I have sex too much, and I skip school too much. She thinks I'm going to end up pregnant or on crack – or both." Leah's eyebrows rose infinitesimally as I went through the list of things my mother disapproved of. "Just picture Diana – only she's majorly stressed out with three kids under 5, and a daughter who frequently skips school." Leah grimaced at the image. "So, basically it has been a long time coming."

There was a silence then, as Leah seemed to digest the information I had divulged by stirring the melted part of the ice cream with her spoon. "I kind of guessed as much." A small smirk tugged at her lips and she lifted her eyes to meet mine. "Not here for the hiking then?"

I grinned back. "Definitely not."

"Oh," she said, standing up from the bed and shoving her hand into the back pocket of her jeans, "I have something for you." It was a rectangle envelope of cream paper – the expensive thick kind – with my name in swirling script across the front. "Emily gave me this to give to you." She passed the slightly crumpled invitation to me and sat back down again. "Don't be fooled by the formal invite," she warned with strangely darkening eyes, "the wedding is going to be pretty low key. Emily just always wanted the fancy posh paper, even when we were little."

I tore it open and briefly scanned the contents. "That's nice of her to invite me – of course she doesn't know I'm a juvenile delinquent yet, so…"

Instead of lightening the mood, Leah's eyes only blackened further at my comment. "She'd invite you anyway. She likes you, she thinks you're a good person – and she _is_ a good person – so it wouldn't matter. Plus, Jacob's attachment to you helps."

Now it was my turn to scowl. "Seriously what the hell is going on here? Because this all just sounds so freaking ridiculous that I'm beginning to question your sanity as well as my own." Her mouth dropped opened and I knew exactly what she was about to say so I cut her off abruptly, flinging the invitation onto the bedside table next to me. "Yeah, yeah, I know. You're not allowed to tell me but if I asked Jacob (for some bizarre reason) he'd be able to." I was getting a little bit ticked off with this whole stupid secretive stuff and the amusement flickering through her eyes just sent me over the edge. Fine then, two can play at this game. "Since you can't tell me that, and since I just answered a ton of your questions, answer me this…" I paused, wondering if my next question was a wise one. I had never been known for my wisdom so I voiced it anyway. "What is the deal with you, Emily, and Sam?"

For a moment I thought she would ignore me, brush my probing aside, tell me it was none of my business – which would have been perfectly reasonable, it _was_ none of my business (of course that hadn't stopped _her_ prying). Instead she sighed and it was heavy as lead. "It's complicated." She stopped, and I waited patiently for her to continue.

When she did it was like the dam had crumbled and her tidal wave of a life came rushing out, I wondered at the force, I really hadn't been expecting it. What I thought she was going to tell me was the age old 'my arse of a boyfriend left me for my skank of a best friend'. I was close… and yet miles away. "I started dating Sam in my freshman year. We were similar back then, he wasn't so unbearably calm." A ghost of a smile flittered across her face for a moment; she was gazing down at the melting tub of ice cream – stirring it continuously with her spoon. "We always fought, but we made up in the end, it was part of who we were – we challenged each other. You know?"

I offered what I hoped was an encouraging nod. In reality I'd never been in a relationship like that, it was only with guys who either couldn't care less what I wanted, or blindly followed me around – I wasn't sure which made me more queasy.

"We got serious pretty quickly and after a while we started talking about moving in together, he'd go to college, rent an apartment, we'd start a life of our own." She paused; I presumed it was for my reaction.

"Wow," I said, "Were you engaged or anything?"

She shook her head, an odd glimmer in her eyes. "No. He wanted to. He said that there was never going to be anyone else for him, we just fit, so why not make it official? But I chickened out. I was 18 by then, I was too young, it was all a little much, and I thought we had time. So he agreed; promised me that one day he would ask me again." Leah's breathing grew deeper, in through the nose, out through the mouth.

"So what happened?"

"Then he vanished." She answered shortly. She turned away from me completely now, her voice holding a hard edge, and she hesitated over the phrasing. All of which were neon-bright clues that the next part was not the complete truth – and considering my edited truth earlier I let it go. "For two weeks, without a single word, he went missing. No one knew what had happened. His mother was distraught, she thought he'd been murdered or injured in the woods, and I… I just couldn't comprehend any of it. I didn't know what I would do if I lost him for good. Everyone was searching, but we found nothing." She stopped again. Her voice had trembled and I watched as she sucked in a deep breath, holding it, and then letting it out slowly.

"Was he alright?" I asked.

She nodded once and continued. "Eventually he came back. Only there was a wild look in his eyes I didn't recognise, it was hollow. He refused to explain where he'd been all that time. Of course I pushed him, I shouted at him, scared that he'd gotten mixed up in drugs or something, angry that he felt he couldn't tell me. Eventually he would get so wound up he'd have to get away." I wanted to ask about that, remembering the scary confrontation at the beach – but I knew instinctively that she wouldn't share it with me.

"That sounds fair. I mean you deserved an answer, a reason," I pointed out.

She shrugged a maybe, then carried on. "But he always came back. With our tempers calmed we would talk and it would be like it used to be for a while, but there was this secret still hovering over us. I…" She choked, and in frustration stabbed the spoon fiercely into the tub. "I really loved…" she hesitated… "Love him… So I was willing to work it out, and slowly we were doing just that, finding our way through all that mess, together."

"So…" I pushed.

"So then my cousin Emily came to visit." I cringed. "We had been close since childhood, she was the sister I never had, but she had not come to La Push for a while so she had never met Sam. It was love at first sight." I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. "They tried to fight it, but I guess it was just too much for them." She looked over at me and I noticed for the first time that there were tears glistening there in her dark eyes – they were bottomless, swirling with so many emotions it was hard to focus. "Do you know how Emily got her scars?"

"No." Feeling slightly bashful at the memory of how I had stared at them in the hairdresser's mirror.

Leah nodded as if this was what she had been expecting. "She was out in the forest with Sam, they were arguing, he was trying to persuade her that she couldn't just ignore the way she felt about him. And she was trying not to admit that she felt that way because of her loyalty to me… I guess that makes _that_ my fault too." She looked almost amused, but there was so much bitterness that it wiped all humour from her expression. "It was salmon season and there was a bear. It attacked Emily. Luckily some men from the reservation were out in the forest at the time and heard the commotion, they fired their shotgun scaring the beast away. But Emily was marked for life, and Sam blamed himself for not seeing it, for not protecting her, there was nothing he could have done of course, but that didn't stop the guilt – and if there is guilt to be felt Sam Uley will feel it, he's just one of those guys. That was when she gave in. She started comforting him, trying to ease his conscience, his pain, and she fell for him. I suppose you could say the rest is history." She stopped dead. Briefly I wondered how she came to know all this – surely Sam or Emily hadn't told her?

I looked at Leah then. Her shoulders were pulled tight, her hands now had the tub in a death grip, and her face was staring stalwartly down at the sticky brown mess, refusing to acknowledge me yet. Slowly my mind was processing her story; only it wasn't a story, I kept reminding myself, it was her life, and it more than sucked.

Boyfriends had cheated on me before, but I never loved them, it had always felt like a relief to finally have an excuse for ditching them, for shouting at them, somewhere to direct my anger. But Leah, angry, bitter, hormonal Leah, had loved Sam completely. She still loved Sam completely, and every day she has to watch him and her cousin. That look he gives Emily, like she's the sun, and his world was darkness until he found her. And the tender way they touched each other, it was subtle – the hand on the small of her back or waist, the brushing back of her hair, or the holding of hands – but I knew Leah's sharp eyes picked up every single movement, replaying it masochistically in her head over and over again. Because that's what people do when something happens that they don't understand. When someone is taken from you and there is nothing you can do to stop it. To loose a loved one, that wound takes time to heal – sometimes forever.

I had no idea what expression my face had formed but suddenly I found Leah there, armour back on. "I don't want your pity," she snarled, "That's not why I told you."

"Good, because you don't have it," I lied quickly. I hadn't been after friends but I now counted Leah as one, maybe not a good friend yet – we were just beginning to know each other – but a friend all the same. Besides, I had the feeling she needed this.

Leah was still glaring daggers at me. "I'm going."

"Nope. Not happening." I said holding her gaze. Admittedly there was very little I could do in my current state to stop her exit but I was giving it my best shot. "Hand me your phone."

"What? Why?" she hadn't expected that.

"Because I need to call your mum and tell her you're staying here tonight," I explained.

Her eyebrows drew together. "What? No I'm not."

"Yes you are. What kind of friend would I be if I let you go home now?" The question was rhetorical but she looked like she was going to answer so I hurried on. "A bad one, that's what. So we are going to go and find something else high in calories, sugar, and hopefully e numbers too," (though with Diana it was highly unlikely I would discover any of these things in her fridge, so I was going to have to break into my secret stash), "then we are going to pig out in my room and do loads of girly shit."

This obviously wasn't clearing up any of Leah's confusion. "I can't."

"You can, and you are," my tone left no room for argument. Or so I thought.

"No really I can't. I have a… meeting… with the guys back at La Push. I was just going to stay for a bit."

I raised an eyebrow sceptically. A meeting? Yeah, sure. "What kind of meeting?"

"I can't tell you."

I sighed, fully irritated now. This was getting ludicrous. "Who exactly is it that's stopping _you_ from telling me?"

She hesitated, weighing up in her mind whether or not she should let me know. She shouldn't – but I wasn't about to enlighten her. "Sam," was the name she finally gritted out. "Kind of."

Sam. What was it with this guy? "Right, give me your phone." I held my hand out palm up and gestured for her to hand it over.

"What are you going to do with it?" she asked, but pulled it from her pocket all the same.

"_I _am going to get you out of this meeting. _You_ are going to go downstairs and call your mother." She looked like she was going to protest but I cut her off. "Nope. No arguments. This is how it will be. Now give me your mobile and bloody well get phoning!" She did as I told, albeit reluctantly and with a look that promised revenge.

I sat watching her walk out the room. Diana's politely surprised voice drifted up the stairs and after a minute of explanations from Leah I heard them disappear into the kitchen.

Alone in the bed I regarded the phone in my hand, flicking quickly through the numbers to find Sam's, before I could change my mind I called him. By the time I'd lifted the handset to my ear a deep voice was already demanding answers at the other end.

"Where are you Leah? You're already half an hour late, we're going to start without you."

I smiled. "This isn't Leah."

"Who is it," he said immediately, his tone icy, and if it weren't for the fact that it would have been ridiculous I could have sworn he sounded fearful.

"Alex."

He sighed, oddly relieved – who the hell did he think I was? "Where is Leah?"

"She's downstairs." And before he could jump in with more questions I moved swiftly onwards. "Now you listen to me Sam, and you listen good. I don't know what is going on here – but whatever 'meeting' you are having this afternoon will be Leah-less. She is staying here."

"Excuse me," he interrupted sharply. "Put Leah on the phone."

"I will not. You can inform her of what she needs to know tomorrow."

"I want to talk to Leah," he growled out.

But I remained firm. "Ok. So you seem like a nice enough guy, and I really like Emily, but are you _trying_ to shred this girls heart to pieces?"

He was silent.

"She loves you, Sam, and I'm pretty certain you know that. Every single day she has to see you with the girl you left her for – her cousin, her best friend. How is she supposed to heal from that when she can't get away from it?"

All I could hear was his steady breathing.

"And I know she agreed to it, but asking her to be maid of honour at your wedding? Come on why don't you just twist the knife a little more?" Still silent. "So you see Samuel, Leah is staying here tonight, because she wants to, and because chocolate helps on the way to mending a broken heart. Ok?"

His voice was whisper soft when he spoke and drenched with remorse. I almost felt guilty, then I remembered that it wasn't his wounds ripped open every day with no chance to heal. "Ok."

"Good. Thank you, Sam."

I was about to close the mobile when he said my name.

"Yes?"

"I never wanted to hurt her."

I felt a lump catch in my throat. "I think she knows that."

* * *

Leah was snappier than a starving crocodile as she lay next to me on my bed scoffing her way through my secret stash of chocolate. Every question I offered she batted aside with a biting comment, a snarky remark, and I was beginning to loose my patience. I knew what the problem was, she felt vulnerable, and I could sympathise with that, but there was no need to take it out on me if she had let her titanium wall down for five minutes.

"For crying out loud!" I groaned as the feisty brunette next to me splintered my most recent olive branch. "Give it up already!" She narrowed her eyes at me – which was pretty impressive considering they were already well and truly narrowed due to my previously tactless comments about whether her maid of honour dress was pink and meringue shaped.

"What?"

"The whole snarky bitch thing you've got going on. I swear the events of this evening will not be mentioned ever again on pain of death."

"Why should I care?"

I rolled my eyes heaven-wards. "Well, you clearly do."

"No I don't. Tell whomever you like."

"Yeah you do." I challenged back. It was official, I was the idiot who put their head in the shark's mouth.

She looked furious. "No. I. Don't."

Were we seriously about to have a 'do' 'don't' argument over this? "Leah, come on. If you really want we can make up a dartboard with their pictures in the middle – would that make you feel better?"

Her grimace twisted almost into a smile but she was fighting it back. "No."

"Ok. How about we make Guy Forks scarecrows out of them and light a big old bonfire under them? You can even have sparklers." It was a good job I'd had years of practice at this with Molly and Jenny back home.

"Maybe a little." She conceded.

"I'll let you drench them in gasoline if you like." I offered generously.

She was softening now, definitely smiling. "Thanks."

"No problem. Now can I have some of the chocolate? I am the invalid here."

Leah tossed a half eaten Hershies bar at my head. "Sure thing Alexander!"

"Bitch."

"Takes one to know one."

And that was that.

* * *

The next morning Leah left early to go meet Sam and find out what exactly I had caused her to miss out on. She stomped out in such a manner that anyone would think I had forced her to sit eating chocolate until morning. To be honest I couldn't really believe it was anything as life or death as she made it out to be – then again maybe my joke of the La Push Mafia wasn't quite so funny after-all.

Once she had gone, and Diana had set off to work I was left alone in the house. I took this opportunity to play my music as loud as I wanted and email back my friends. When I checked my in-box I was a little dumbfounded to find a message from my mother – well, a message using my mother's address. It made me nervous and I hesitated before clicking on it to open.

A slow grin spread across my face as I watched a dozen pink bunny rabbits dance around the screen with crutches and plaster-cast legs. Under the ridiculous display, in bold multicoloured typing, was the simple message: GET WELL SOON!! Love From Tilly, Livi, and Georgie XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX… the kisses went on for the rest of the page.

I couldn't be certain, but I was pretty darn sure that neither my 4-year-old little sisters Matilda and Olivia, nor my 2-year-old baby brother George were capable of such computer wizardry yet. So that meant that either my Stepfather David or my mother had taken the time to send it on their behalf. Judging by the email address I had a good guess as to who it was. I felt a familiar stinging in my eyes and the computer began to go fuzzy.

That was the moment my phone buzzed loudly on the desk beside me. I lifted it to my ear, still not removing my eyes from the dancing screen, and sniffed back the tears, clearing my throat. "Hello?"

"Alex! Oh I got you, I wasn't sure because of the time difference, and Jenny said it would be fine but then I checked with Amber and she thought I was probably going to wake you up – but we both know what Amber's like so I don't know why I bothered to listen to her at all really." Molly took a deep breath. "So how are you? Did I wake you up?"

"No, I've been up for a while." I said quietly.

"Hey, what's the matter?"

I'd known Molls since I was four and we sat next to each other at the tiger table in reception. She was my oldest friend; she'd been there through all the falling out and making up that goes along with friendships as they grow. She had even been there when my world fell apart, she was there at the funeral, all the frequent fights with my mum, and she still stuck by me when I was being a total bitch to her. If anyone knew when something was bothering me it was Molly and not even the Atlantic Ocean could change that.

"I got an email…" I said, and she waited quietly for me to continue. "It was from the twins and George, only it was sent with mum's address."

"What did it say?" Her familiar voice was soft now, calming.

I took a shuddering breath and let it out. "Get well soon, with all these stupid bunny rabbits dancing about with crutches."

Molly let out a chuckle. "That's so…"

"I know," I laughed; a single droplet of moisture hit my hand – still poised over the keypad. "So tacky…"

"But also kind of sweet." Molly finished my sentence.

"Yeah."

"It'll all work out, Alex, you'll see." She promised, like she'd been doing for the past 5 years. "Every bruise takes time to heal." I rolled my eyes, she was so full of hippy dippy just open your heart to love stuff, but she was the only person that I could ever really open up to. There were still some things that I wouldn't even talk to her about – some things that were just too dark and too scary to ever bring out into the daylight. Those were the things I shoved into the back of a closet and padlocked up next to the vampires and werewolves of childhood nightmares. "So how come you're getting get well soon emails?"

"Huh?" I mumbled, having drifted off for a moment. "I twisted my ankle the other day."

"What!" she demanded in outrage obviously hurt that I hadn't informed her immediately.

"It was nothing," I tried to play it off, "I just slipped from a curb."

There was a shrewd silence that followed my explanation. "Since when, Alexandra May Grant, do you slip from curbs?"

Yeah, I didn't think she was going to buy that. I was not naturally a clumsy person; everyone who knew me knew that. I did gymnastics when I was little, and though not much of it stuck with me the physical awareness did and I was pretty graceful for the most part. I sighed, preparing myself for the inevitable. "This guy surprised me and I jerked away, hit the curb, and almost went under a car."

"A guy?" she said suspiciously, I could practically see her grey eyes narrowing. "Who?"

"Just this guy I met the other night. Jacob."

"Are you two…" she trailed off suggestively. I would have been insulted but she had reason enough think that way.

"No, no," I insisted, "I said I was going to behave and I am. He just won't leave me alone."

"What, like he's stalking you?"

"Yes – no – kind of." I fumbled, not clear in my own mind what Jacob was playing at. "I don't really know. He just…"

"Just what?" Now she was intrigued.

"Looks at me." I admitted feeling more than a little stupid.

She snorted. "Oh my god, he looks at you?"

"Ha ha," I deadpanned. "It's not funny, Molls, it creeps me out."

She was still laughing at me. "So you've met a guy with creepy eyes?"

"No, they're beautiful." Crap. Did I actually just say that out loud? That had to be the single sappiest thing I had ever admitted to. I drew in a deep breath, ignoring her increased amusement over my slip up. "He just looks at me really intensely, like he's trying to read my mind or something, trying to see inside me, it makes me feel all exposed. I mean I don't even really know him."

"Huh," she said abruptly, all trace of laughter gone. "But he's got under your skin." It wasn't a question. "And you haven't slept with him?"

"No." Now I was defensive – I wasn't a complete slut, I could refrain when I wanted to.

"Why? Is he ugly?"

"What? No!" Where the hell was she going with this?

"So he's cute then? Has he got bad breath, or is he seriously obese?"

"What? He's completely gorgeous, and no I don't think he's got bad breath, and he is definitely not obese." Why was I suddenly defending Jacob?

"Is he boring?"

"No." Actually he was far from it.

"Ok. So there is nothing wrong with the guy physically or mentally." She clarified. "So why don't you just sleep with him? I mean normally… and don't say it's because you made a promise, I know as well as you do that that was a load of rubbish."

"There's another girl." I said scrambling for a reason, not that it bothered me in the slightest.

"Is he with her?"

"No. She's marrying this other guy. I think he loves her though."

"Hmmm…" It was the noise she made when she had untangled some great mystery and was now congratulating herself for being so gifted.

"What?" I groaned, dreading her answer but needing it all the same.

She cleared her throat pretentiously. "Well. If he isn't with her, and she isn't with him, and he's showing interest in you, and he's cute, and has a good personality – why haven't you just shagged the boy? Maybe that's all he wants – to relieve a little tension – and you've never been opposed to that before (not that I personally approve). Why is it such an issue to you now? Why do you care that he might love this other girl? Sex isn't always about love – you know that."

"I don't care if he loves Isabella Swan."

"Yes you do."

I pouted at the phone; she was too freaking insightful for her own good. "He looks at me funny."

Molly let out a long-suffering sigh. "Honey," she said, carefully like she was afraid of scaring me away, and I knew she was about to drop some great pearls of wisdom on me. "At some point you are going to have to realise that all that physical stuff – its nothing, and it gets boring way too fast. One day you are going to have to let someone close enough that they may well hurt you, but you know what? They may also heal you. Think about it, you're going to be back in a month – no harm, no foul, right?"

I swallowed. "… I can't…"

"Yes you can."

The stinging started again, fiercer than before. "I really can't, Molly. I think there is something wrong with me… I don't know what's wrong with me."

"Nothing is wrong with you. You're just scared… but that's ok, it's going to take time."


	5. Everybody wants to be a cat

**A/N: **Hey! Uh, no Jacob in this chapter either but i promise he'll be in the next, i just hate when stories rush into things so i'm trying to take it slow, but this chapter is important to the plot. All the usual stuff applies - everything you recognise i don't own! The song belongs to Tomas O'Malley and his alley cats. And no offence is intended to 'tree huggers' - my brother reckons i'm one - but Alex definitly isn't, so... yeah. Read, review, enjoy - hopefully.

**Supernova**

Chapter 5: "_Everybody Wants To Be A Cat, Because A Cat's The Only Cat Who Knows Where It's At._" – The Aristocats, Everybody Wants To Be A Cat.

I was sat at the kitchen table of the Clearwater's home while rain was pitter-pattering against the window pains, but I was too intently focused on the two brown eyes before me to hear it. This was it – best of three. Leah coughed in a blatant attempt to distract us, but we weren't budging, it was all or nothing. The air was thick with a tension you'd need a chainsaw to cut through. This was war – I was not getting beat by a two year old – no way José – I had some pride... kind of.

The front door slammed open, bouncing against the wall and without my permission my eyes flickered to the doorway for less than a mini-second, but it was enough. My opponent threw up her hands with a joyful screech.

"I win!" she began chanting. "I win, I win, I win, I win!"

Leah burst into hysterics, clutching her middle. "You suck!"

"You could at least be humble about it," I grumbled, pushing the last piece of pie across the table at her. She grabbed it with both hands and began shovelling the desert into her mouth.

"Whoa! Calm down, Claire," Leah said in-between her chuckles, placing a restraining hand on the little girl's arm. "You don't want to get indigestion."

Claire stuck her pie-covered tongue out in a very un-lady-like gesture. I glanced at Leah who was staring in shock at the angelic child. She met my eyes and we both burst out laughing as two shadows filled the doorway.

"Hey Alex, Leah… Claire," Collin addressed us with a wave of his hand. "What you doing?"

"Staring contest for the pie," I informed him. "Claire won."

He was distinctly unsurprised. "Yeah, she's totally the best."

"Colwin," the girl in question said through a mouthful of pie. "I won."

"Yeah I can see that Claire." He shook his head at the state of her.

"Qwil?" she questioned with the most adorable puppy-dog eyes I had ever seen (and I thought my siblings were good). How anyone could resist them I had no idea.

The other boy took this as his cue to speak. "Nah, Claire, he'll be round later." Then he fixed his gaze on Leah. "Lee, we gotta go, Sam's called another meeting."

"What why?" Leah asked already up from the table and moving. "I thought you guys sorted it all the other day?"

"Yeah, well," he said with a nervous glance at me (I was probably looking a bit too eagerly between them), "there are some complications."

"What kind of complications, Seth?" Leah demanded, hands firmly on her hips.

"Outside complications that we really can't discuss amongst present company yet, so…" he nodded sharply at the door. "Lets get going."

Leah took a deep breath and ran an agitated hand through the cropped ends of her inky hair before turning to me with heavy eyes. "Alex," she said, "do you mind keeping an eye on Claire for a bit? I swear I'll be back as soon as possible."

"Sure" like I was going anywhere without her car.

Leah tossed a look at Seth. "That ok?"

He nodded. "They should be fine."

"Should?"

"Will." He amended. Then gave me what he must have hoped was a reassuring smile. "Just stay indoors."

Yeah, now I was reassured. "Great!" I said with false optimism and a roll of my eyes. "I take it I'm not going to be enlightened about this any time soon?"

Leah smirked briefly, apologetically. Then the three of them shot out of the house with surprising speed considering their size. Claire was tilting her head at me curiously. "Movie time?" I asked, grabbing my crutches from where they leaned against the table and struggling upright.

"Yay!" She agreed hoping down from her chair with far more grace. How exactly I was supposed to stop her from doing anything at the moment was beyond me, but so long as she wasn't aware of my shortcomings it would all be fine.

_Don't let her smell the fear._

_

* * *

_"Yeah!" I laughed. "You got it."

"Really?" Claire said with bright eyes. I nodded, relieved, I had been teaching her the same song for the past hour and she had only just got the words vaguely right. Tilly was way slower, but Livi had a memory like an elephant, which wasn't so great when I accidentally swore in her presence. "Where Qwil?"

Shrugging I paused the DVD we had been watching. "I don't know Claire, but I'm sure if he said he'd be here he will." That was some strong attachment this little girl had to the obnoxious guy. She'd been asking after him ever since the others left. Still it sort of made sense that he could connect with a two-year-old girl better than those nearer his own age. What was it that they said about girls developing faster – mentally – than boys?

Claire's mouth opened to say something further, but I never found out what, because it was at that moment that a swarm of different voices drowned her out and the front door swung open once again. A large, jumbled group filed into the fairly small house. I recognised Collin, and Seth as they made their way straight into the kitchen. Then Embry and Jared flopped down on the empty sofa (I was on the floor with Claire), their faces were bookends of exhaustion, they flicked the TV onto sport. Paul stood in the corner glowering at everyone and everything (someone seriously needed a happy pill).

"Hey, you ok?" Leah asked coming to rest in the doorway.

"Yeah I'm good. You alright?"

She grinned a little ruefully. "Been better." Her eyes fell on Claire – who was peering about her expectantly.

That was when Quil himself swept into the room and made a beeline for the girl whose chubby arms were ready and reaching out to him, both of them ignoring everyone else present. He swept her up into his arms with the most blinding smile I had ever seen. It appeared that Claire's attachment was completely mutual. "How's my little Claire bear?" he asked, rocking her gently.

"I know new song," she informed him proudly, but then let out a huge yawn, her eyes scrunching up.

"How about you sing it to me on the way back to Aunt Emily's?" he suggested already making his way to the door.

"Mmmhmm," Claire mumbled, snuggling her face into his shoulder. It was just too adorable, and I found myself garnering a new respect for Quil. Then, just before they disappeared she lifted her head up to look at me. "Night, night, Alex."

I smiled and sent her a little wave. "Night, night, Claire."

And they were gone. Seth and Collin had now entered the room with another guy I didn't recognise, all three of them stuffing their faces with giant sandwiches. It seemed like everyone was here – everyone except Sam, Emily, Kim, and Jacob. I frowned, finding myself oddly disappointed. There was no reason for it; I should be glad that I didn't have to contend with him tonight.

But I wasn't, and I still had Molly's stupid words ringing in my head, and they just would not go away. Maybe if I just sleep with him it would prove to her that there is nothing different about him and that he's just the same as every other guy walking this earth.

When I glanced up I saw that Leah was giving me her patented calculating stare. "You want to get going?" She asked.

"I think so." I hoisted myself back onto my one working foot and smiled when Embry handed me my crutches.

"He's giving you space," he told me, cryptically, so low that the others who were engaged in some boring conversation about American Football wouldn't hear.

"What?" I stumbled. Was I that obvious? "Who?"

The corners of Embry's mouth twitched. "Jacob. He's got to sort some" pause " _things_ out, so he's giving you space… time."

"Time?" I choked out. Damn Molly.

Embry frowned at my odd reaction, but before he could proceed any further Quil swung back into the living room, sans Claire, and with a horrified expression on his face like he just heard that the world was about to implode. Immediately the entire room was on high alert.

"What is it? What's happened?" Jared jumped from the couch firing out his questions in quick succession leaving barely enough time for air let alone answers. "Is it Kim? Is Claire ok? Where are Sam and Jacob? Quil! What is the matter?"

But Quil was still as stone, staring at me with his wide appalled eyes. Everyone followed his gaze. "You." He accused, pointing a finger at me.

Leah shot me a bemused look. "What did you do?" she asked.

I shrugged. "I have no-"

"Tell them! Tell them what song you taught Claire!" Quil cut me off sharply.

I couldn't help it – I laughed. "Are you serious?" He certainly looked it. "What is the problem? 'Everybody wants to be a cat' is a classic Disney song-" But I didn't get much further as there was a collective gasp from every occupant in the room. "What?" I puzzled.

Deafening silence stretched on.

Then Seth snorted and the others soon followed.

Even Quil's mouth twitched and his eyes softened. "I'm having words with Jacob about this," he warned, darting back out of the house as suddenly as he'd arrived. "It's just plain sick!"

"What the hell?" I said, getting the distinct feeling that I was missing some big joke.

"Don't worry about it," Leah grinned. "He's just allergic to cats."

* * *

Later that week I was stationed back in the library because Diana had decided that I was spending far too much time around Leah and La Push. She was clearly getting a little bit nervous about it. What exactly she thought we were getting up to I couldn't determine, but what I did know was that around Forks the group of guys had a pretty rough reputation – and Leah, being the only girl, was given an even wider birth. I could understand why because meeting one of them in a dark alley would certainly scare the hell out of me, but when in reality they were as harmless as all the other teenagers bumbling around I found it a bit annoying and told Diana so. To which she insisted she wasn't condemning them, just that she'd heard of some funny goings on. Which, considering my own experience, was hard to argue against.

So I was put at the front desk by a less than pleased to see me Enid and informed a little tersely that I was not to mess up the system. Luckily it was Carol who showed me the ropes of how to issue out loans and sort out all the returns. Once she had finished, patiently watching as I demonstrated what I'd learnt correctly, Carol then joined the weird sisters in the back room for a much-deserved coffee break. Which would have left me all alone out front if it weren't for the brown haired guy stacking the shelves to my left.

Callum Mallory was not exactly what I had envisioned Enid's grandson to be – I was still puzzling how it was at all possible that he shared genes with Enid.

He was 24 for a start, I was expecting a greasy 13/14 year old. Enid had told me when we made our brief introduction that he had graduated from UCLA where he had been doing ecology, behaviour, and evolution – I think – and was now looking for work with the state Conservation Commission. Callum had the misfortune of being back for the summer to see his parents and help his younger sister get off to college in Seattle. Strangely enough he was glad to be of use. I'd have hated him if he weren't so damn pretty.

While I was admiring him I chose to ignore the fact that he was leaving a trail of discarded books behind him wherever he went like breadcrumbs in the forest, and that he would frequently trip up. And I don't only mean over the scattered books – I mean anything – his feet, the edge of a shelf, the carpet – anything. Luckily he was clumsy but agile (or well practised) because he made it out of each incident unscathed. It was beginning to make me a little sour about my own twisted limb so I focused on the pretty.

It wasn't that I was interested in him (although Enid's warning glance did seem sort of like a challenge) it was more that while I was admiring Callum's sun kissed profile against the midday light I wasn't thinking about another guys profile and how I hadn't seen it for days. In fact, Callum was the perfect distraction from the knowledge that _he_ hadn't once come by to check that I was ok. I mean I knew that Leah and the others could probably fill him in on the basics – yes, she's alive – yes, she's still tripping us up with her crutches – yes, she still whines about the pain – but that wasn't the same as seeing and hearing it for himself.

Leah got the funniest look on her face when I tried to not so subtly point out that Jacob hadn't bothered to check on me. We were in my room at the time and her eyes flickered to the window above my desk, then back to me, and she grinned. "I wouldn't be so sure about that… Now lets get a move on or we're going to be late."

She was feeling irritable so I decided not to press it.

* * *

"Oh, Janice, it was lovely!"

"So you liked it?" Janice asked, her watery blue eyes brightening.

"I got so many compliments about it," the other old lady continued, I think her name was Margaret, she'd been in twice today already.

"Well the colour was just perfect with your skin tone," Janice explained. I tried not to snort out loud, because Margaret's skin tone was one shade away from grey – like the rest of her.

"And it's cotton," Margaret added in, just in case we were all wondering. "Such a pretty sweater set."

Janice was now nodding enthusiastically, her four chins shaking with the movement. "I do love them," she confided, "because I don't like things tight around my neck, and they make them nice and low – but not too low. The variety of colours is superb." Margaret made an agreeing sound in the back of her throat. "I can put in another order for you, Margaret, if you like?"

"Please do," Margaret said eagerly. "Tell me, Janice, are you off to church now?"

"Not right now, but I'll be along to the sale later because Harold…"

How long was this going to go on for? I was sat at the front desk as I had been all day, with one elbow on the counter, my head propped up by my hand while I waited for the women in front of me to finish their conversation. The library was pretty empty now – there was one other person in here besides Callum and myself. A middle-aged man who was perusing the travel section. The three witches were out for their break – they'd chosen to treat themselves to lunch at Fork's only café – so we had been left alone. Apparently Callum was in charge, which I thought was a little sexist, or ageist or something, because I was just as competent as him – if not more judging by the shelf he almost toppled over 5 minutes ago. But hey, he was in with Enid so what could I do? It was blatant favouritism.

As Janice and Margaret launched into yet another subject topic that would be sure to blow their frail minds with its intrigue, I had had enough. Lifting my head I let my hand fall to the hard surface with a loud slap that sounded even louder in the quiet room and all eyes turned to me. I smiled – sort of.

"Excuse me, but can I actually help either of you? Or are you just using the library as a gossiping stop out of the rain? If so could you please move your discussion away from the front desk so that I don't have to listen to it?" They blinked in unison. "Thank you."

"Well, I never," Janice huffed her jowls vibrating. "You need to learn some manners, missy."

"As do you," I smiled sweetly.

For a good minute they huffed and puffed and I was beginning to wonder if turning that red was healthy. Then, finally they decided that they really didn't have any purpose for being in the library, so they left in a flurry of grey hair and stale perfume, shooting me death glares as they went.

When I finished boring holes in the back of their hideous perms I swung around feeling rather pleased with how that had gone only find Callum was regarding me from behind his stack of books. His mossy green eyes had widened considerably and his jaw was definitely on the slack side.

"Yes?" I inquired, garnering a raised eyebrow.

"You're mean," he pointed out, the corner of his mouth twitching.

I shrugged. "They were annoying me. Besides you can't tell me you wanted to hear about how Janice's appointment with the doctor to check out her weak bladder went?"

He actually blushed – it was strangely adorable. The colour spread from his temples and across his cheeks. Then, sending me a wicked grin I hadn't previously thought him capable of he said. "Maybe I did. Janice is a very dear friend of mine."

I laughed. "Well, in that case I apologise."

"Accepted," he chuckled. That was when we noticed the odd look the man by the travel books was sending us. Callum managed to compose himself first and while I was snorting into my hand he addressed the customer. "Can I help you at all, sir?"

The man was taken aback (probably by the genuine politeness of Callum's question) and shook his head quickly in a negative, fixing his eyes back on the spines stacked before him. Every so often he would peer at us from the corner of his eyes.

Callum grabbed a great pile of information books and strode over to me, propping them up on the counter. I lifted one from the top and turned it over in my hands 'Happiness for Dummies'. Unsurprisingly when I looked up at him his eyes were glittering down at me. "I thought you might want to reserve it."

"You are just too funny," I grumbled, shoving the offending book back. "Haven't you got work to do? Carpets to trip over?"

That wiped the smile from his face. "That's not funny."

"It kind of is," I disagreed, "I've watched you trip on the exact same patch of carpet at least five times today. What is wrong with you?"

"Nothing!" he protested, clearly affronted by my comment. "I'm not the one with the dud ankle."

That was almost insulting, and besides my ankle was much better today. "You're the most spatially challenged person I've ever met."

"I've always been like it," he said, as if that was a reasonable defence, "I can't help it. The only time I ever feel comfortable when I'm taking pictures."

I could try to pretend that I wasn't intrigued, but that would take more effort than I could be bothered with. "Pictures? Like photography?"

"Yeah," he confirmed with a shrug. "I took a course at College."

"So what do you take pictures of?"

"Wildlife mainly – that's what I'm most interested in."

I wanted to slap my own forehead. The ecology major taking wildlife pictures – duh. "Oh… I bet there is a lot of good stuff around here."

He shifted awkwardly. "Yeah… not bad. Some really interesting… discoveries."

I frowned. What was he implying? There was something suspect in his tone. I opened my mouth ready to find out what it was exactly when **they** returned. Diana and Carol smiled at us as they came in the door, but Enid had an expression on her face like she had just caught The Devil chatting up Jesus. What had Diana told her about me?

Carol came around behind the front desk. "Thank you both for looking after the place for us. If you like you can both go home now," she shot a checking glance at Diana, wisely avoiding Enid's eyes – or at least the death-rays where her eyes should have been. "Is that ok?"

Diana pursed her lips and I wondered if she was going to make me stay here for the entire day. "You don't have a ride home."

Crap. Then my hero stepped surprisingly up to the bar. "I can give her a lift. You only live a few doors down from my parents, so…" Callum trailed off obviously feeling the heat of Enid's stare.

Diana was clearly a little bemused by his gallant offer but looked placated by it. "If Alex doesn't mind…"

"Nope, sounds good to me." I hurriedly assured, grabbing my bag from the back of the chair and standing up to balance on one leg while I hooked the crutches under my armpits. "Lets go."

Callum tugged his jacket from the coat hooks by the door and together we made a speedy exit. Once out on the rain slick street he let out a long breath of air. "Man, they're seriously scary all together."

"No kidding." I followed him slowly down towards where he had parked. "Why on earth would you _choose_ to help out?"

He grinned ruefully. "Mom made me. But I'm used to fierce women. You should meet my sister."

"Please," I snorted, "I'm fierce, Leah's fierce, your granny? She is ferocious. Like a little pit bull with a perm."

"Fair point." He stopped and unlocked a beat up green ford focus. "Hop in." And yes the pun was intended. "Don't mind the mess."

Don't mind the mess? What I wanted to know was how to avoid the mess. It looked like Callum hadn't been informed that there were vacuum cleaners and bins in existence. Dry mud scuffed the carpet, and there were empty drinks bottles scattered across the floor with scraps of paper – receipts. He took my crutches, leaving me to hang onto the car frame for balance, and chucked them on the back seat. I hopped around so that I could lower myself onto the seat without having to dive in headfirst. I managed it, but I also managed to sit on something hard. Shoving a hand under my bottom I tugged out the large dog-eared scrapbook.

"Hey," Callum breathed out settling into the drivers seat. He slotted the key into the ignition and cast a quick glance at me, which turned into a double take. "Oh. Yeah. That's my scrapbook, you can throw it in the back if you like."

"Your photos?"

"Uh, yeah." He pulled out onto the quiet road. "I was thinking of taking them up to Port Angeles. There are a some galleries up there and I was going to see if I could sell a few – you know, make a buck or two."

I looked up at him. "Why haven't you?"

He ran a hand through his short hair, messing it further, and gave me a half smile. "I… uh…"

"Can I look? I mean I'm not an expert, but if you want an honest opinion I can do that." I really, really wanted to see them.

"I guess so. I just wasn't sure if I should."

I flipped the cover open, the photos were not taped in rather they had been sandwiched loose between the thick pages. "Why shouldn't you?"

"Uh…" he hesitated, and then trailed off.

Most of the pictures were stunning sunsets and rises over the beaches down at La Push like the one I had witnessed. They weren't amazing, but they captured the colours and the unearthly aspect of that time of day and that place. He had a few shots of birds and insects, some of the forest; the huge majestic trees covered with green, towering up to the sky. "They're nice," I said and he laughed. "Good for tourists – and that's not a bad thing. You could…" I lost my train of thought. I was coming to the end of the pictures and I had found a set of maybe six. The first one was of a butterfly sat on a pretty white flower. It was a beautiful soft blue, almost silver, with a fuzzy body, and darker spots on its wings. Its wings were shut – then I flipped to the next and they had opened – and then the next and they were closed again. This continued through the six photos, each a snapshot of this one butterfly. "Cool…" I murmured. Callum turned to see what I was looking at. "How'd you do that?"

He grinned. "I brought this really awesome camera just before I came out here. You can place it on a stand and set it to take pictures at say 5-minute intervals for like an hour. So you can hide it away from the wildlife, and leave it there, even at night, but still get the shots kind of unobtrusively. I was just messing around with it, getting the settings…"

"Bloody hell!" I cut him off, finally at the last page. "What the?"

"Oh," he said. "Uh, yeah, those were the ones I wasn't sure about."

I was staring at them bug-eyed, no doubt, flicking over them repetitively. "Where?"

"My back yard," he answered the vague question correctly. "I set it up so it looked over the fence into the trees to see what lurks about at night – an experiment of sorts."

"And this is what creeps around our houses at night?" I tried to keep my voice on a level but it was becoming increasingly harder the longer I looked at the image in my hands. "Are they supposed to grow that big? It's like a horse."

He let out a breathy laugh. "No. They're not."

"But it's huge. I mean I heard someone talking about there being possible wolf sightings around here a few months ago, but this is definitely not a normal wolf…"

"It's definitely a wolf." He confirmed – a little unnecessarily because there was no way it could be anything else. "I've done some research and there are no wolves recorded anywhere near that size. Ever. Some grey wolves get pretty big, but that's just… I mean the Dire wolf was a bit larger, but it's been extinct for 9,000 years, so…"

I'd heard someone chatting to Enid about the strange animals sighted and whether they were wolves or bears. How anyone could mistake a wolf for a bear was beyond me, they had two completely different body shapes – even if the wolf was massive with glinting black eyes and shaggy thick fur. Actually the eyes weren't glinting – well, they could have been – but it wasn't looking at the camera so all I could make out was the shape of the creature between the trees and that it's coat was of a dark red-brown looking colour. I couldn't seem to drag my eyes away from it. I shivered. "Shouldn't you inform the sheriff or something so they can shoot it before it kills someone?"

Callum whirled his face around to me, horrified. "No!" he said so passionately I felt kind of bad. "You can't tell anyone. Not yet."

"What? why?"

"Firstly it's a living creature. Secondly it could be a brand new species; people will want to study it. And thirdly – is there any real proof it's harmed anyone? Maybe we should just keep quiet and leave it in peace."

"Are you serious? Its right outside your house – the size of a _horse_ – you can't keep that secret. It might not have hurt anyone yet, but I bet it could, some poor unsuspecting hiker…" I couldn't believe he was even considering not telling anyone, he had to, this was news worthy, he could go down in history for providing proof of a brand new species – although how anyone had not managed it before beat me because it was pretty hard to miss. I stared at the creature and another shiver ran up my spine.

"I just wish I'd never seen it." He sounded genuinely upset about the thought of outing this beast.

"Yeah, me too." I said shutting the scrapbook and turning to gaze out the window in the hopes of erasing the image swimming in front of my eyes.

"You don't like wolves?"

That was an understatement. "Not really. I'm a cat person. I watched this movie when I was a kid – The Wolves of Willoughby Chase – gave me nightmares for a month afterwards."

"Because of a movie?" He chuckled, shaking his head at me like I was some silly little girl.

"Look, we don't even get the normal sized ones in England, let alone super sized ones, so excuse me if I find it just a tiny bit alarming!" I defended my reaction fiercely, not everyone was an avid tree hugger.

"Sorry."

"Besides," I added, staring out at the passing buildings, "they do that scary head thing. You know – when they turn to the side to look at you but keep running forwards – its really freaky."

"Come on," he laughed.

I think he said something else but I stopped listening to him because that was when I saw them. They were outside the hiking outfitters shop next to a parked motorbike. Even though I had never met her before I recognised her immediately. They didn't notice me staring as we passed them by, but I found myself leaning back in my seat to try and keep myself from view. It didn't matter, I could probably have jumped out in a clown suit singing 'What shall we do with the drunken sailor' and they wouldn't have batted an eyelid. They were completely lost in each other, oblivious to the outside world. Just before Callum turned to see why I wasn't answering him, I watched with narrowing eyes as she placed her pale little hand into his darker and larger one and he tugged her forward into a big bear hug.

Dragging my eyes from the sight I blinked at Callum who was giving me a bemused smile.

"You all right, Alex?" he asked as I continued to stare through him, determined now not to look back.

"Yeah, fine…"

* * *

After dinner that night I sat at my window for the first time since I arrived in Forks and gazed at the trees through the misty rain. They were shadowy in the dark, and foreboding, rising up like great pillars of the forest. I wondered if it was out there right at that moment, staring back at me through the dark.

But when I fell asleep it wasn't the wolf I dreamt of.

The image of Jacob Black embracing Isabella Swan burned to the insides of my eyelids and just would not leave me alone.


	6. The first & the last

**A/N: **So, next chapter. I hope people are still reading. Jacob is definitly in the next chapter, it's just taken a while to get Alex around to that point. But Bella makes an appearance this chapter, not much else to say. I don't own anything you recognise. Read, review (please), and enjoy!

**Supernova**

Chapter 6: "_For I Am The First And The Last._" – Translated by George W. MacRae, Nag Hammadi, Thunder: Perfect Mind.

I was stood with my back against the wooden fence at the bottom of Diana's garden staring out into the shady forest. It was raining softly, but that wasn't a problem in my mackintosh and Diana's wellies. The noisy patter of raindrops hitting the leaves above me was strangely relaxing and I enjoyed the freshness in the air, breathing deeper than usual to take it all in. The water had slicked my hair flat against my head where it hung in thick rat-tails about my face, but I didn't care. Mud and bits of bark splattered up the rubber boots and the bottom of my crutches (which I had brought merely as support because I could now manage to place a smidgen of weight onto my injured ankle without creasing up in agony).

I was struck by how very different this was to the woods back home. I had grown up in the countryside all my life and I was used to mucking about in the fields, leaping from hay bale to hay bale, and picking blackberries from the hedgerows of tangled brambles. Building forts with my friends in the small woodland areas during those long warm summer days, paddling in the meandering streams with no worries, and nothing to fear more than a scraped knee or bruised limb.

This was so much more. There was no feeling of comfort, no security in the knowledge that the fiercest creature out there was Freddie Manning with his slingshot and penchant for pulling girls hair. Somewhere in this great cathedral of trees lived a creature entirely too real, something that was stalking our houses as we slept.

It took me some time to build up the courage to take that first step forward away from the fence and I had gone barely two metres in when I heard her calling out my name.

"Alex! Hey are you out here? Alex!"

Leah's movements were as silent as ever, but I tracked her path closer across the garden by her voice. Diana must have told her I was out here. Rolling my eyes to the canopy above I swung about.

"I'm over here!" I called back, my voice sounding strange after the quiet of earlier. "Behind the fence!"

"Behind the…?" Leah muttered in bemusement. I heard a scuffle as she scaled the barrier with more grace than I had and her dark head popped up into vision. She paused, staring at me for a long second. "What the hell are you doing out here in the rain? What, you don't get enough of it back home?"

"Hardy har har," I grumbled.

She smirked and dropped down easily to the forest floor. It was a little surprising to see her so simply dressed in a damp t-shirt and shorts, but it was wet not cold and she was abnormally hot anyway so it shouldn't have caused any thought. "So?" she encouraged.

"Just going for a walk." I played it off as coolly as I could when considering the weather and the fact that I had to have leapt over a fence to get where I was I had obviously put some effort into my 'casual' walk.

It wasn't exactly shocking that she didn't buy it. "Uh huh. What were you really doing?"

Could I tell her? Should I tell her? Callum had insisted on not publicising, but it was Leah, she was trustworthy. "I, uh… I was looking for evidence." I was avoiding her eyes, which had narrowed. Why was I feeling guilty? I hadn't done anything wrong.

"Evidence?" She sounded like she knew I had attempted to fob her off and was now not only a bit pissed but also determined to get every last ounce of truth from me. Great. "Evidence about what exactly?"

"Nothing really," I shrugged – I suddenly had the feeling that I should have kept my mouth shut. "Just, I think I saw a coyote last night…"

I was cut off by her sharp laugh. "Alex… they're pretty common, and relatively harmless to humans."

"Oh." Now I just came off as stupid.

"Yeah," she agreed. "Can you stop with the games now? Why are you really out here?"

I took a deep breath in, filling my lungs, and lifted my eyes to meet Leah's. She wasn't angry just puzzled by my seemingly out of character behaviour and for a moment I wondered why I had been so reluctant to tell her the truth – so I did. "I was looking for evidence of the wolf."

The words hung in the air and everything went still. It almost felt like the wood behind me was holding its breath, waiting, silent.

With ever-growing confusion I watched my statement sink in. Where her eyes had held mere amused curiosity before they shut off, blank. Her back straightened defensively, pulling her up to her full and slightly intimidating height. Her expression was stony, none of the friendly concern for my sanity of mere seconds ago. "What did you just say?" It was gritted out between barely moving lips.

I floundered for a moment under the intensity of her stare. "Uh… wolf?"

There it was… flickering across those dark eyes… fear. She was scared. Strong, feisty Leah was frightened more than I was by the thought of a wolf – and she didn't even know the size of the beast yet.

"I don't think you need to be scared about it. I mean it's pretty darn big, but Callum reckons it's more scared of us than we are of it." I was trying my best to get her to relax again.

Leah was in no way relaxed; she just seemed to get tenser and tenser. "You saw it?"

"Uh, no."

She blinked, softening. "Then Jacob told you?"

Now it was my turn to blink stupidly. "Huh? I haven't spoken to Jacob in days. Why would he know about the wolf?"

In an instant she was frozen again. "He wouldn't," she snapped, harshly, as if I was stupid. "So how do you know it's real if you haven't seen it?"

Callum was going to tie me to the back of his car and drag me through town until I turned black and blue for this. "I saw a photo."

Fists clenched. "Someone took a picture? Who?"

"Callum."

"Callum?"

"Mallory. He works with me at the library, Enid's grandson. He likes photography and he was testing out his new camera and took a load of pictures of this huge wolf creeping about the woods behind his house. All in a series kind of thing." I explained in the vain hope it would calm her down. I had absolutely no idea what was going on in that head of hers or why the discovery of the wolf had her so freaked.

"So he has more than one picture? Are they clear?"

"Yes. And yes. He doesn't really want to show them. He thinks we should just leave it in peace because it hasn't hurt anyone." The scorn in my tone was hard to miss but Leah was focused on the facts.

"He's not going to sell them to a newspaper? Or take them to the police station?" She sounded caught halfway between hope and disbelief.

I shrugged. "That's what he said. He's a bit of a tree hugger to be honest."

"Right," she said to herself, ignoring my comments. "Right, that's good. That's ok." Then she was back to me, her countenance was businesslike. "Is he at the library today?"

It was my day off. "Yeah, I think so."

"Good. And are you here all day?"

"Diana said something about going food shopping."

"Alright. Ok. Good." She wasn't looking at me at all now, her gaze fixed somewhere behind me in the depths of the forest. "I'll, uh, I'll see you later – tomorrow – maybe." And she took off, just like that, into the trees all the while muttering: "Shit-shit-shit-shit-shit…"

"Leah?" I stared after her until her figure folded into the darkness. This place was so weird.

Then I faced the fence yet again. The moment was lost and I felt no desire to linger in the trees. So once more I tossed my crutches over into the garden and hopped up, hooking my hands on the roughly cut top, and began the un-lady-like scramble to get over.

When I reached the house I went straight to the front door and peered out. By the curb sat Leah's car.

Half an hour later when Diana and I set out for the shops it was gone.

* * *

Diana had driven us to a building on the edge of town called Forks Outfitters, or Thriftway. To most people such a name would conjure up racks of clothing – perhaps uniforms for different specialities, hobbies, like girl guiding. But here in Forks it meant Supermarket.

Once inside I had to admit the place was pretty impressive with it's coffee shop, bakery, clothing, groceries, and pharmaceuticals all under one tidy roof. My mother would have loved it as much as Diana seemed to with its organic feel.

I was armed with the trolley, finding myself strangely relishing the simple task that I hadn't performed in years. I trailed silently after my aunt as she scanned down her neatly order list (alphabetised by department and item), placing the heavier products at the bottom of the trolley to avoid crushing.

It was a vastly differing experience to the times I went with my mother who, in those days, would shove things in like a mad woman because we were late and Sainsbury's shut in half an hour. That was when she worked – she was a French teacher at the local high school. When she married David and had the girls she stopped working to look after them. Now her shopping was done methodically in the town with George during the time between dropping the girls off at first school and picking them up again for lunch. My mother was a different person with David, a person I hardly recognised most days. The only time I ever saw my old mum ghosting behind this new impostor was when she rushed through the school gates, hair flying from it's ties, to collect me from where I'd been sent to after getting caught smoking behind the bike sheds, or drinking in the girls toilets, or trying to sneak off campus. Then her eyes were wild, her voice strong, her cheeks flushed with rage, and then she was mum.

Diana disappeared down an isle and I was left alone, sandwiched between the shelves of pasta sauces and the noodles. I positioned myself at the far end, eyes checking the pathway was clear (this is very important as I once had an unfortunate collision with a moody gentleman because I hadn't looked twice). Then I shoved forward against the metal contraption, a hopping shove, and managed to make it to the carbonara in relatively quick steps. I leapt up, hooking my shoes onto the metal above the wheels – hoping they had dried off enough not to slip – and coasted along to the egg fried noodles before I jumped back down on my good ankle to turn into the next isle.

Still feeling a little rush I turned the corner too sharply and knocked a tin of baked-beans over that rolled across the smooth floor to a stop by a familiar pair of navy heals.

"Alexandra," Diana said by way of reprimand and warning, her face stern. Her eyes fell on the crutches stowed in the cart and she made a disapproving ticking sound with her tongue. "If I have to take you back to Dr Cullen and have that leg plastered up I will not be happy. He specifically said another few days off it to be sure."

She was still watching me so I held back the eye roll. "I keep telling you that it really doesn't hurt so much anymore." So long as I didn't put my full weight on it that was.

She didn't believe me but clearly decided that it wasn't worth the effort. "Just be careful."

I grunted at her retreating back and tugged my phone from my pocket. Leah was now dodging my calls and refusing to answer any of the many texts I had sent her way since this morning. I was beginning to think that there wasn't any point in pushing it when she obviously didn't want to speak with me. Maybe something far more serious was going on here than I could imagine, it wasn't like I knew Leah particularly well, for all I knew she could be mixed up in drugs, or another equally dodgy and highly unlikely mess. I had reasoned that maybe she was just as into Mother Nature as Callum, and that was why the news of the wolf's discovery had affected her so much. Not that she actually was part of a La Push Mafia. If it was drugs then that was her business but I wanted nothing to do with it. I drank, I smoked (occasionally), and I could be considered promiscuous, but I didn't do drugs and I had no intentions of doing so anytime soon. I had seen way too many friends on bad trips to find it appealing in any way.

Somehow it still just didn't seem to fit with them. I once heard Jared (I think) refer to them as protectors. But that begged the questions: protectors _of_ what, _from_ what?

It all made my head hurt. Somewhere deep down I knew that I probably didn't want to know what was going on, that I was safer in my ignorance. I was well aware of the nightmares life can bring; I didn't need to add to my already extensive list. But I was getting seriously curious.

* * *

The next morning I was back behind the front desk at the library. Home sweet home. Carol was sorting through returns in the back room, Enid and Diana were checking out the new stock we had just had delivered, Callum was ignoring me. It was starting to freak me out. When we arrived he acknowledge Diana and sent a vague nod in my direction but that was the last of our communication. The rest of the time he was shelving books with his back to me or carrying piles past me without a single glance my way. To be honest it was kind of feminine behaviour, the sort you got at school when you fell out with your mates, 'I'm not talking to Ellie any more because she said Amber was fat', that kind of thing. Which was why it was all the more disconcerting coming from a 24 year old guy I barely knew; and with Leah still not getting in contact with me I was starting to freak a little bit.

After lunch I decided that enough was enough. I was ready to hobble over to him (where he was conveniently cornered between the back wall and a shelf of cookery books) and demand to know what the hell was wrong with him when someone completely unexpected shuffled in the door.

It was a muggy day, hot but humid, the sun was intermittently popping out from behind the fluffy white clouds, and a storm could be felt in the air. She was dressed in a pretty blue shirt and shorts. In her arms she carried a stack of textbooks that she brought a little hesitantly over to me. She was beautiful. I knew that already, but with the bright warm light filling the room it was even clearer to see. Soft brown hair fell about her face, and coupled with her dark doe–eyes and creamy skin she looked like Snow White woken from her glass coffin by her true love's kiss.

I watched as apathetically as I could when all I could see was the image of her wrapped up safely in two strong russet arms and thinking: _You're marrying another guy leave him alone already!_ With a shy smile and not meeting my eyes she slipped the books onto the counter.

"Returning?" I asked, a little insolently, even though the answer was obvious.

She nodded, not even wincing at my tone. "Yes."

Ugh! Even her voice was sweet and gentle. "Ok." I said, lifting them down and sorting through them. Glancing up I saw she was still standing there. "Can I help you?"

That time she caught the inexplicable animosity. She blushed. "No… I just…" she halted, fidgeting on the spot, clearly uncomfortable – which made two of us. "I'm Bella."

O…k. "Alex," I answered, wondering internally what the heck was going on, did she want to be friends or something?

She nodded. "Yes, I know." Finally she took a breath and brought her eyes up to meet mine. "How do you like Forks so far?"

Her eyes were mysterious, swirling with emotions that were hard to latch onto. "Uh, it's alright, I guess. It wasn't really my choice to come here."

A little smile tugged at the corners of her rosy lips. "Not mine either. You can grow to love it though… if you give it a chance."

I had the strangest impression that we were no longer talking about the little grey town. "Sure, I guess. But I'm not really here long enough for it to matter."

"Oh." She looked surprised. "When are you going home?"

"End of summer."

Her eyes turned sober. "Well, a lot can happen over a summer."

I stared at her. It was like we were having two separate conversations. Talking in code. There was plainly something more to the sub-text that I was missing. "Sure."

She smiled then, stepping back from the counter. "It was nice meeting you Alex."

"You too," I said automatically.

With a nod she turned to go, only she swung back at the last minute as if she'd forgotten something, fixing me with her gaze, stronger than before, certain. "Jacob's a really great guy." I stared back at her. She seemed completely sincere. "The best friend you could ever wish for." I think I was gaping. Was she for real? "Just…" she took a deep breath. "Just look after him, ok?"

"Uh…" Before I could formulate a reply – what do you say to that? – She was gone.

* * *

Callum. He was in my sights. I felt like a lioness creeping up on her prey trying not to alert them to her presence until the last moment. I snuck around the shelf, as well as I could sneak with my ankle not quite healed yet, to find him crouched on the floor his head in a box, searching. I leaned there, the picture of nonchalance, until he noticed me with a startled yelp and fell back on his arse. Laughing at him now was probably not the best idea so I held it in.

"Hey, Callum," I smiled. He looked flushed and uncomfortable. "What are you up to?"

"Working," he muttered, getting back to his feet, "unlike some people."

"Very mature." I folded my arms across my chest, watching him. The library was dead and had been for the past half an hour.

"Yeah, well." He shrugged, noticeably avoiding looking in my direction.

It was time for direct action. "So what is the deal with this?" I asked.

He scrubbed a hand over his hair, glaring intensely at the row of spines in front of him. "I don't know what you mean."

Was this really worth it? I wondered. "Yes you do. The silent treatment; the avoiding me; the not looking me in the eye."

His face lifted to mine then and our eyes met for a mere second before his fell away yet again. "It's nothing."

I pushed off the shelf to stand (more or less) straight. "It is obviously something. What have I done? Is this about the pictures? Did Leah do something?" It sounded ridiculous even as I said it.

"Leah?" He frowned. "What does Leah have to do with it?"

"So it is about the pictures."

He looked frustrated, and angry. "Yes it's about the photos."

"…Because I told Leah."

Now he was shocked, his eyes shooting up to mine. "You told Leah?"

"Yeah, isn't that why you're mad?" I was just as baffled as he was now.

"What? No. I… I thought…" He stared at the carpet. "They're missing."

Oh, crap. "You mean someone has taken your photos?"

"I thought it was you!" He was staring at the ceiling now, while my mind went numb. "I thought that maybe you decided to take them to the police anyway. You seemed so…" He looked at me then, soft and apologetic. "You didn't though, did you?"

"No." I barely whispered. How could he have believed that I would steal his photographs?

"Sorry."

I wasn't quite ready to forgive and forget such an accusation but I shrugged. "Whatever."

"I really am sorry, it's just that you're the only other person who knows about them…"

Shit. "Apart from Leah. I told her yesterday. She caught me in the woods looking for evidence and wouldn't let me go without the truth. But she wouldn't do that… she wouldn't."

He was staring at me with a raised eyebrow and a look that said 'wouldn't she?' He was right, how well did I know this girl?

"But why?" I puzzled. Thinking back on all the strange behaviour, the fact that she was now avoiding me.

Callum shrugged. "How should I know? I've never met the girl."

That was the last straw. I had had enough.

* * *

I managed to persuade Diana to let me out of work early. I told her my ankle was playing up again and she must have sensed my discomfort because she let me go without a fuss. I went straight to the transit centre and caught the last bus out to La Push. It had been a very long time since I felt fury like I did then burning through me. I stood at the bus stop, foot tapping against the pavement, arms locked across my chest. God help anyone in my way today. That included the mother of two brats standing next to me and shooting me wary glances in-between bouts of scolding her kids for thumping each other.

I could hardly believe it. I sat glaring out the bus window at the passing scenery for the entire 25-minute journey. The secrets I could handle when they had little effect on me, when no one appeared to be harmed by them. But now, now it had gone too far, it had pole-vaulted over the line and I was going to get the truth. You just don't do that stuff, not to friends, not to anyone. It was just wrong.

The bus stop was at the fisheries and when I climbed down it did occur to me that I had no idea where I needed to be. Luckily, or fatefully, as I stormed around the seaside settlement of La Push searching for a recognizable face I caught sight of a familiar looking battered car. A rabbit? Was that what it was called? It was parked outside of a small red house on the other side of the road.

Without thinking it through fully, without much else going through my mind other than Callum's missing photos, Bella's cryptic words, and Leah's vanishing act, I marched (hobbled purposefully) across the street and up to the front door. I rapped against the wood so sharply that my knuckles stung a bit, and waited.

When Jacob Black finally answered the door his eyes widened in surprise at the sight of me, he clearly hadn't been expecting my visit. "Alex?"

"I want to know what is going on and I want to know now."


	7. Hit the light

**A/N: **Thank you to everyone who review last chapter! Here is the next one, a little bit angsty, but its all for a reason i promise. Everything you recognise belongs to Stephanie, including the wolf history/legend/thingy, Diana and Alex are mine. Read, Review, Enjoy!

**Supernova**

Chapter 7: "_Somebody Hit The Light 'Cause There Is More Here To Be Seen._" – The Editors, An End Has A Start. 

_I had done many stupid things in my life. The most stupid to date was agreeing that getting drunk on cheap beer with Danny in my bedroom was a better option than school. For a start I didn't even really like Danny, but he was offering, and he was reasonably good-looking so it seemed like an ok idea at the time. And for another I was too giddy with the drink that I forgot to lock the door to my room. _

_I loved alcohol, the feeling I got from it – like the world was just one big adventure playground waiting for me to swing off the monkey bars and into oblivion. I loved the way it let you forget (if you drank enough, and I always did). Forget everything that came before and everything that came after so that the only place in existence was the present. The present held no regrets, no 'what might have been', just now, now, now…_

_But you can't have a present without a past; it always crept up dark and damning, one step behind at every turn, the past would never leave me alone._

* * *

When Jacob Black finally answered the door his eyes widened in surprise at the sight of me, he clearly hadn't been expecting my visit. "Alex?"

"I want to know what is going on and I want to know now."

I was feeling fierce, eyes blazing, ready for the fight I thought was inevitable.

"Ok." He said, deflating my sails, looking miserable.

"Ok?"

He shrugged. "I would have liked a bit more time, but I can't say no if you're determined." Then he stepped aside and gestured for me to enter. "Come in. I think I need to call Leah."

"But Leah said…" I began, still a little taken aback by the apparent ease with which I was getting my way.

"I know," Jacob said running a hand over his face and pinching the bridge of his nose, he appeared much older than his 16 years. "She's your friend though, and I think it will be kinder for you if she's here. You don't trust me enough."

The last comment seemed to cause him pain and he winced as he said it, but I couldn't deny the truth in his words. Sure, I felt _something_ around him. Lust? Attraction? Possible friendship? And a deeper emotion bubbling under the surface that scared me with its sudden intensity at times, but I barely knew him. The thought of Leah being there actually calmed me somewhat and I nodded climbing the steps into his house, feeling the heat from his body as I passed.

A part of my brain was still screaming at me to turn around and run. It was blocked by a bigger, more curious part.

"The kitchen is through there," he pointed over my shoulder. Following his direction I was almost in the tiny room when he spoke again. "Alex?" I turned back. He was stood in the hallway next to the telephone, the smallness of his house only served to make him look like Alice in wonderland when she drank the drink that made her grow so big she blocked out the doorway. Those dark eyes fixed on mine, burning. "I just want you to know that whatever happens I never want to hurt you. That even if you don't think you can, you can always trust me, I promise. I'm here, whenever you want me, however you want me, if you ever want me. Just know that. Always."

"I…" I was speechless, my heart thudding erratically against my ribs. I swallowed past the lump in my throat.

Jacob somehow knew that I wasn't going to be making any comments anytime soon, or perhaps he just realised that the stuffy heat was freaking me out. Either way he smiled and, though I couldn't remember, it felt like it was the first time, maybe it was.

It wasn't helping my heartbeat any but the atmosphere relaxed, eased. "How's your ankle holding up?"

"B… better," was all I managed to get out.

"Cool. Alright then," he removed his eyes from me and lifted the phone, "I guess I got to call Leah."

Blinking a bit like a mole with its first taste of sunlight I wandered into the kitchen. It was brighter than the hall, airier too, but the relief I felt over getting out of that hallway was short-lived.

"Hello there. You must be Alexandra."

The voice was deep, masculine, old. It held that hint of wisdom, the kind that only comes with age and knowledge. He was sat at the table, with a mug of coffee, he had been reading the sports section of the newspaper before I entered and was now smiling calmly up at me.

"Hi?" I mumbled. I was feeling distinctly out of my depth now. This had to be Jacob's father, and that alone made me nervous.

"Would you like a drink?" He pushed back from the table, which was when I first noticed that he was in a wheelchair.

"Uh, no thanks. I'm just… waiting…" what was I waiting for exactly?

My bumbling didn't bother him one bit he just nodded rolling back into place at the table. "I'm Billy, Jacob's father." He introduced himself holding a hand out to me.

I had to step fully into the room to take it. He was warm, but not to the extreme of his son, and the grip was firm. "Alex Grant."

"You have no idea what a pleasure it is to meet you."

There was such sincerity in his words that all I could do for a moment was smile, a little shakily. "Jacob's talked about me?"

Billy had what could only be described as mischief in his eyes then. "Just a bit. Go easy on him."

Why did everyone keep saying that to me? It was as if the idea of Jacob and me actually being together was an inevitability to them all, a matter of time. "Now why should I do that?"

I thought I may have insulted him, but he grinned, catching the tease in my voice, shaking his head. "Because, believe it or not, my son cares a great deal about you, Alex."

My mouth opened to ask why that was, why a guy I barely knew should give a damn about me in any way, when Jacob strode into the room and glared at his father. "Finished embarrassing me old man?"

Billy chuckled. "Not yet, give us a minute."

Jacob ignored his ribbing and walked across to the back door that lead out into the garden. "Leah's going to meet us in a bit."

"Oh," I tried to sound like I was completely at ease, that this was what I really wanted. "Out there?"

I wasn't fooling Jacob. "You don't have to do this now." There was a hint of hope. "It's up to you."

"No, I'm fine. Now is as good a time as any." And I strode as confidently as I could manage out the open door and into the garden.

It wasn't much of a garden, just a wide patch of grass with trees edging it. Behind a clump of them I could see a ramshackle looking shed. Jacob, who had followed behind me, saw where my gaze landed. "That's my workshop."

I could smell the sea and it calmed me; the thick, warm, afternoon air surrounded me like a blanket. "What do you work on?"

"Mechanical stuff mainly," he said, sounding a little distracted. "Cars, Bikes, that kind of thing."

I twisted to look up at him; he was peering out at the forest with his brows drawn down over his eyes, the light breeze playing with his hair, sunlight catching on his russet skin. He was the nicest thing I had ever seen. "Do you build them?"

His eyes dropped to me and I looked away. "I repair most of the time. I built my rabbit practically from scratch and my…" he hesitated. "My bike."

I couldn't help it. "Is that like a push bike?"

He pulled a face. "Sure, a push bike. I've even taken the stabilizers off. Seriously, it's totally manly."

"That is manly. Can I see? Do you have a cute little bell and streamers from the handlebars?"

"Uh huh, real cute."

"Oh, and a basket! It has to have a basket."

"I'll let you have a go if you're good." We were playing with each other, our humour in sync, bantering, and I was enjoying it. Good to know he had a lighter side.

Making my eyes as large as I could and pouting out my bottom lip I turned up to him. "But I'm always a good girl."

The laughter was in his eyes but he held it in. "Yeah? I bet."

"Alex! Jacob!"

We turned away from each other, grins falling, to see Leah jogging out from the trees; she came to a stop in front of us, her face concerned. The seriousness of the situation came back to me. "Thanks for coming Leah," Jacob said.

"No problem," she replied, easily, not looking away from me. "You alright Alex? Are you sure about this?"

All doubts I had about her honesty vanished. Whoever took those pictures from Callum it wasn't Leah, I was sure. Maybe he just misplaced them. "I'm fine. I want to know what is going on and one of you two is going to tell me."

They shot each other sidelong glances. "Sure. Uh, Jacob?"

He shifted nervously, as uncomfortable as if he was standing on shards of glass. I raised an eyebrow. What was so difficult for them to tell me? "Is it drugs?" I finally blurted out.

There was silence until Leah scoffed and Jacob let out a low breath. "No," he almost laughed, "it's not drugs. It is a little more complicated than that."

"Ok, so…" I made a hand gesture for him to 'take it away'.

"Start from the beginning," Leah advised helpfully and Jacob nodded his agreement to the plan.

Deciding that hesitation was not getting any of us anywhere he launched forward then into the tale, the truth, I hoped. "When our tribe first came here, many, many years ago we possessed a kind of magic…"

"Magic? Guys I don't want a fairytale, I want the truth." I folded my arms across my chest, wondering if they were trying to fob me off.

"This _is_ the truth," Leah insisted quietly.

Jacob was concerned. "Do you want to sit down, Alex? This might take a while."

"No I don't."

"Sure, sure." He shrugged my rudeness off and continued. "As I was saying… Our tribe has always had magic in its blood. It is said that we possessed the ability to remove our spirits from our bodies in order to frighten away opposing tribes, we were called spirit warriors." Where was this heading? I didn't understand what was going on, only that Jacob's voice was hypnotic and Leah had looped her arm around my waist, whether to hold me up or keep me in place I wasn't sure, but it was comforting, grounding me so that I didn't get swept up in the tale. "Taha Aki was the first of our leaders to join his spirit with that of an animal, a wolf." I shivered. Wolf. It kept coming back to them.

"One time when he left his body another tribe man stole into it and returned to lead our people as if he was Taha Aki. With no body to return to his spirit roamed the lands waiting for another spirit of the tribe to join him. But they had been ordered by the impostor not to change, and so they had no knowledge of the deception.

"Spirits have always had a link with animals, they are aware of them in a way humans are not. Taha Aki tried to use a wolf to kill the traitor but it didn't work. So then he had the idea of sharing the wolf's body, because even a wolf's body is better than none at all, and so for the first time man joined with wolf.

"Together they went to the village. The warriors came out to meet them but the wolf backed away trying to yelp the songs of the village, communicating with its eyes. They realised that it was no simple wolf and one man attempted to speak with it so he left his body and entered the spirit world. Taha Aki fled from the wolf to reveal himself to the man, but the traitor had arrived on the scene and saw at once what was happing. He rushed to the man's helpless body and when the spirit returned in a panic he killed him.

"Taha Aki's anger at this was so great, hatred so strong, and love for his people so deep that when he entered the wolfs body again it couldn't cope with the emotions and transformed into a human form. It was not the form Taha Aki possessed as a man, but far greater, his spirit form made flesh, and the warriors recognised him immediately. He killed the traitor and resumed his place as chief, but he was no longer just man or wolf but both. And ruled for a long time, never aging.

"When some of his many sons reached puberty they found that they too could transform into wolves and some joined their father to become warriors, protectors of the tribe. The others did not like it so much and returned to their human forms, and they began to age. That is how it came to be that the descendants of Taha Aki are able to change forms from man to wolf."

Everything seemed suddenly so much quieter when he finished, like silence after a storm, and in the distance I heard the waves crashing against the shore. They were watching me, I felt their eyes burning into me, but I couldn't look at them, I stared out into the forest. "I…" I began, my voice sounding strange to my own ears, nervous. "I don't understand what this story has to do with you."

"Don't you see?" Leah hushed in my ear, soothing. "We are the protectors of La Push. We are the wolf warriors."

"That… that…" my mind was fumbling over itself in a desperate attempt to deny what they were trying to tell me, "doesn't make sense." The monsters were clawing at the closet door, nightmares desperate to get out. Panic rushed through me. "It was a story," I insisted. "People don't turn into wolves. Magic doesn't exist."

"Yes it does," Jacob breathed. "Yes they do."

"No." It was firmer this time, as if I was trying to convince them. I backed out of Leah's arms and she let me go, wary. "No it doesn't." But they were looking at me with fear and compassion in their beautiful, wild eyes, and I felt myself tremble. "Stop it!" I demanded, pushing back against the door, refusing to let them out, not now, not ever. They were stronger. "I asked you to give me the truth! This isn't funny so stop messing with me!"

"Alex, please…" Jacob whispered, soft, pleading. "I can't lie to you, I wouldn't. Try to understand. Trust us. Please. We can show you if that will…"

"No! Why would I want to…? What gives you the…? Bloody hell, what is wrong with you?"

"We're wolves," Jacob said and he seemed to struggle to form the words, "or, werewolves… I swear on my life that we won't hurt you."

He moved forward to me and I jolted two steps back. Hurt flashed through his dark eyes like lightening and he halted, hands still reaching for me. "Stay." I commanded with false authority. "I don't know what it is that you think you're playing at but I thought we were friends." I was addressing them both now, and I couldn't hide my roaring emotions as my eyes desperately begged them to take it all back. "All I wanted was the simple truth. But since you can't even manage that, maybe you can answer this: Who took Callum's pictures?"

The guilt in both of their eyes was palpable. "Brady and Leah did it," Jacob answered slowly, reluctantly, "they're the smallest of the pack."

Pack? As if they really were wolves! I felt the disgust welling up inside, sickening me, I took another step away. "Why?" The question came out like a child's. _"Why are there bad people in the world?" "Why isn't Daddy coming home?" "Why does it hurt?"_

Leah was the one who answered this time, her voice pleading for me to believe her sincerity, but I was way past that now. "We had to. We couldn't risk it. The possible exposure."

"It was just a wolf!" I cried out, frustration getting the better of me. But even as I said it I knew that it wasn't just a wolf, whatever it was it was not just a wolf. They looked ashamed, heads lowered, eyes never leaving me, pulling at me. "Return them."

Leah's head shook side to side. "We burnt them."

I really thought I was going to be sick then. This was beyond anything I had ever experienced. Was it some sort of cult, twisting and moulding them to believe that they really were wolves? "I…I've got to go. I can't stay here." I turned then and fled.

Out on the street I ran, the houses blurring at the edge of my vision as I turned street after street. The pain spiralled up my ankle letting me focus more on its sharpness than the buzz of thoughts that crowded my head and it was welcome. I heard my name called out after me, but no one followed, and for that I was grateful.

When I reached the bus stop back at the fisheries I halted, panting, eyes watering from the sting in my ankle.

_Please make this go away! Please._

The place was empty now, the last bus having left shortly after I arrived, so I pulled out my phone with shaking hands. Diana wasn't happy to find me gone. The sound of her voice – well known, safe, and irritated – calmed me. I must have sounded as bad as I felt because she agreed to come get me without much protest, telling me to stay where I was, that she would be as fast as she could.

It wasn't fast enough. The phone was barely back in my bag when I heard a gut wrenching howl slice through the heavy air. I crumbled to the pavement, my legs giving way as a choked sound broke out from my throat. My nails dug into my palms where I clenched them into white fists against my ears.

_Make it go away. Please._

I screwed my eyes shut, curling in on myself where I was sat on the hard concrete, trying to block out the mocking cries of the seagulls' swooping overhead. It was too late. There was nothing I could do, no way to prevent the rough burn of betrayal from consuming me, to stop the nightmares from reaching me.

How could I have been so completely wrong?

What if all this had only been about pulling me into their sick cult? Playing with me, all just a game to them.

I gagged. Everything was too much to stomach.

I didn't hear the car pulling up, nor the clack of her heals as she ran to me, but I felt the strength of her arms holding me, and the familiarity of her voice in my ear. I don't know what she said to get me up and into the car, all I knew was that with the clean click of the door shutting and the purr of the engine my mind cleared.

Diana was talking; I had no idea what it was she was saying. "I want to go home," I said, voice raw.

"We're going to the hospital first." She informed me.

I shook my head. "No, no, I want to go home. I'm fine."

She snorted in a very un-Diana manner. "You are quite clearly not fine Alexandra. What happened?"

"It was nothing." The hospital was not where I wanted to be and she didn't understand. I wanted to go home. "I just haven't eaten today. I got a little sick. That's all."

I stared out at the road ahead so I couldn't see her expression. She let out a long sigh. "Alex…" she didn't believe me. "Please just tell me."

"I just did!" I snapped. "I didn't eat. I felt sick. So I called you. That is all that happened so can I please go home!"

There was a long silence. I waited. "Fine," she finally said, tired. "I will take you home and you can sleep and we _will_ talk about this in the morning."

I shook my head. "No. I want to go home."

"And I am taking you home, Alex!" she was frustrated now, but she wasn't hearing me.

"Home!" I said near shout. "I want to go home! England, my mum, my baby brother, my little sisters, my stepfather, my friends – I want to go home!"

There was a gasp. "Alexandra… what happened? I don't understand. You were happy here. I thought you were happy."

"Well I wasn't. And now I want to leave. So please." I was so close to tears, I felt mentally weak like someone had drained me dry. "Please just let me."

We were pulling up outside the house now. Diana had barely parked the car when I shot out the door and hobbled up the front steps, fumbling for my key and falling into the hallway. I could hear her following behind me, her panicked breathing.

The thudding of my heart as I made for the stairs drowned all other noise out.

I was in the bedroom, searching under the bed for my suitcase when she came in behind me. I hadn't expected such a fight from her. Shouldn't she be pleased to be rid of me?

"Talk to me Alex! Stop shutting people out!"

"I don't want to talk about it!" I yelled back, my hand catching on a sharp piece of plastic and I hissed at the sudden pain. "Just leave me the fuck alone!"

"No! You need to…"

"What the hell do you know about what I need?" I demanded cruelly, tugging the case open in the middle of the floor.

"I know that bottling it all up and hiding is not healthy." Well of course she'd know all about that.

"Oh!" I turned. "'Cause you'd know all about hiding, huh? In your nice neat house, and your nice neat world where everything is correctly ordered and in it's fucking place. Was that why he left you? Couldn't deal with it all? Having to live with such a control freak. No mistakes in this house!" The words were spiteful, nasty and if I was thinking I would have taken them back when I saw the sting in her eyes. But I wasn't thinking, just doing.

I was breathing heavily, like I'd run a marathon, but she stood still as stone, features impassive. When she eventually spoke her voice was calm, precise, her eyes dark. "Oh, I know all about hiding, Alex. I've spent my entire life in hiding from a grief and a betrayal I couldn't get over." She paused, swallowed thickly. "He was an American. Did my sister ever tell you?"

I shook my head, unable to speak, blood rushing through me.

"Beautiful and charming." She gave a small, mocking, smile. "I would have followed him to the ends of the earth so long as he wanted me. I fell pregnant, so we were married (that was just how it was done then) and I moved across the ocean to live with him as his wife. I was so young that it felt like I was a whole world away from my family. I gave up everything for that boy. We weren't happy though, the forced marriage dissolved any of the passion and he grew to see me as merely holding him back, an anchor weighing him down. But he loved the baby growing inside of me, and I made do with that. I was so lonely."

Diana's eyes glittered in the afternoon light, tears gathering in their depths. I didn't want to see her cry, not her, not my calm, ordered aunt. "My baby was born dead." Her voice did not falter once though her hands trembled. A lump was rising in my throat and I was struggling to breathe. I couldn't look at her. "That was it. I had failed him at the only thing I was useful for. He left me. No note, no goodbye, he just never came back." Her eyes were on me then; I couldn't meet them. "I named him Alexander." My breath rushed out, strangled, my nose stung, and the floor grew fuzzy beneath me. "He is buried in the cemetery here, in Forks, and every year I place flowers on his grave stone. Your mother asked, when she fell pregnant with you, if she could name you in honour of him. I agreed. And you were born kicking and screaming and I was overjoyed at my healthy, beautiful niece – Alexandra. But I've never moved on."

She took a deep breath in and out through her nose. "So you see, I know about grief, I know about hiding behind walls that you don't even realise you're building, until you wake up one morning and you're cold and alone. I can't bear to see you…" She faltered, pulled herself together, carried forward. "You can't talk to your mum – I understand that. You can't talk to me – fine. But talk to someone about him, Alex, please, before it consumes you."

I felt sick, I felt like I was going to faint. "This is not about him," I gritted out in a last desperate attempt. I was crawling on the edge of the cliff, fingers slipping, black water churning below. "I just want to go home."

"… Please…" she breathed.

And that was it; I fell with a shuddering breath, last drowning gasp. Diana's arms came around me, held me up, and I buried my face into her shoulder as the pain washed over me, holding on and praying I would make it to the other side.


	8. Can't make it on your own

**A/N: **A big thank you to everyone who took the time to review, it makes my day, i love you all! Uh, i have nothing to say today. I don't own anything you recognise, Alex and Diana are mine. Read, Review, and Enjoy!

**Supernova**

Chapter 8: "_You Don't Have To Put Up A Fight, You Don't Have To Always Be Right, __Let Me Take Some Of The Punches For You Tonight._" – U2, Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own.

The storm came that night, as I lay curled up under my sheets, cold as ice, waiting fearfully for sleep to claim me. There would no doubt be nightmares. Through the thin fabric of the curtains the lightening flashed, lighting up the room like a faulty bulb, flickering intermittently, then dying away. Thunder rumbled overhead, ominous, impossibly loud, reaching into my chest and clutching my heart, refusing to let me rest. The rain was the worst. It came down in heavy sheets, battering off the window pains like hail, until I was certain the glass would not hold up against such treatment. Pathetic fallacy my English teacher would have called it; typical was what I cursed at it.

On nights like this as a little girl I would climb out of bed, teddy under one arm, and pad across the landing to my parents room. In the safety of their bed, surrounded by their loving arms, my father's quiet snores lulling me to sleep, I found peace enough to rest. That had been a long time ago. I didn't think Diana would appreciate being woken at midnight by me climbing into her bed. Besides, I was still shaken from the events of that afternoon and I wasn't sure how I felt about the whole thing, other than drained.

The first tap was drowned out by the thunder. The second I dismissed as the rain, or wind throwing things up at my window. The third, followed swiftly by the fourth, fifth, and sixth eventually had me climbing reluctantly out of bed and tugging the curtains open so that once I had discovered what was making the noise I could get back to not sleeping.

I would have screamed if my throat hadn't closed up with terror. All I could see of the dark face at my window was the whites of his eyes, flashing brighter with the lightening. Heart pounding I tried to force a sound out to alert Diana but my voice box was not cooperating, releasing embarrassing squeaks that were lost in the background noise. The head shook violently from side to side and a large hand came up, gesturing for me to open the window for him, eyes pleading. I backed away, breath coming shallow; my gaze darted to the closed door. That caused a more fervent tapping on the window and a muffled: "Alex! Alex it's me! Please."

It knew my name. I stared at it, forcing a face out of the shadows. The large hand moved rain slicked hair back. "We need to talk."

Jacob. The relief that rushed through me then almost had my knees giving way. I was momentarily surprised at the force of the emotion, but reasoned better Jacob than a serial killer. As my heartbeat settled I remembered that I had no idea if Jacob wasn't a serial killer and my eyes narrowed.

"Go away." I said as clearly as I could without waking Diana.

He looked crestfallen. "Alex please let me in. I need to speak to you. You need to understand."

"I don't want to speak to you. I don't want to ever see you again. And I definitely don't want to understand."

The rain poured down his face, but those dark eyes shone out at me. "Stop hiding and let me in."

Those words hit me hard and I gasped, shaking my head. Why? Why now? I was so tired, so completely exhausted. I just wanted to sleep.

"Please let me in." He said one last time, begging for a chance. "It's really wet out here."

I moved back to the window and lifted the latch to let him inside. I didn't open it, instead I moved backwards until the back of my legs hit the corner of my bed nearest the door and waited for him to climb in.

He did, closing it behind and leaving a wet trail of footprints on the floor. He shook the rain from his hair like a dog, spraying the surrounding area with water. "That trellis is pretty sturdy." With a sheepish grin Jacob peered up at me between inky black tendrils. "Sorry."

I wasn't pulling any punches here. _'Go easy on him' _His father had said. Yeah. Sure. I folded my arms across my chest. "What do you think you are doing here?"

The grin fell and he pulled his bottom lip into his mouth and chewed for a moment before answering. "I needed to know that you were ok."

He had to be kidding. "Do I look ok to you?"

"No," he breathed, the anguish tangible in every line of his face, "no you don't. I need to make it right."

"Then go away."

"Is that really what you want, Alex? Will that make you happy? Because if it is then just say the words and I'm gone from your life forever, I promise."

The words were balanced on the tip of my tongue but I couldn't say them, I just stared up at this boy I barely knew who was able to take my breath away with one look. "Jacob…" I whispered.

"I understand if you don't want a monster around you. I mean if I had a choice… believe me it wouldn't be this."

"Jacob…" I started again, frowning. "You're not a monster. You're just confused. Monsters don't exist. Whoever it is telling you these lies…" I trailed off because he was looking at me with such pity in his eyes.

"Who do you think the wolf in that picture is? I have been patrolling around your house every night. Why do you think I look like this?" he gestured towards the muscled flesh of his bare chest that was already nearly bone dry. "The heat? Fast reactions?" My head was shaking in denial without me even realising it. "There is nothing for you to be afraid of Alex. Trust me. Please."

"Nothing to be afraid of?" I lifted my eyes up to his face, voice hardly rising above a whisper. "You stand there telling me that… that…" I forced it out, "that werewolves exist. Creatures from fairytales, children's nightmares, things that should be mere make-believe, and you don't think there is anything to be afraid of? You think I should just understand that? Don't you see that this is the single most frightening thing anyone has ever said? That what was once pure imagination is reality. It changes everything, my whole life. **That** is terrifying. What's make-believe? What's reality? Tell me, because I thought I knew."

He was silent; the only sound came from the elements battling outside. When he took a step towards me I had to hold myself in place, I wasn't going to run again. Lifting a rough but warm hand to cup my cheek he tilted my face up to find his. Goose bumps prickled across my skin at the unexpectedly tender touch, the heat of his eyes. "I'm real," he hushed; thumb brushing along my cheekbone. "This – you and me – this is real. You? You are so real."

"But I don't know you…" I protested. "You don't know me…"

He smiled, his other hand coming up and index finger pressing softly against my lips, halting my defence. "It's real. That is all that matters."

"You can't just…" I mumbled from behind his finger, suddenly very much aware that I was in my pyjamas and he was shirtless.

"Trust me," he cut my excuse off, thumb tracing my lower lip, eyes fixated on it like it was the most exquisite thing he had ever seen.

"I…" I trembled, only mildly embarrassed by the fear in my voice. "I…"

"… Trust me…" his voice deep, husky, hypnotic. He brought his forehead to rest on mine and I closed my eyes, just feeling his warmth seep into me. "… Stop fighting…"

"I… I can't." My walls were crumbling into dust even as the words choked out into the stillness of my room, too weak, too drained by the last 24 hours to hold them up any longer.

"Yes you can…" He said and I could feel the smile, soft, comforting like the fingers stroking over my face. "You are so strong, Alex, but you can't do everything on your own. Let me in. Let me hold you up… 'Lean on me, when you're not strong'." He was definitely grinning now.

I sobbed out a laugh at the cheesy line. Then taking a shuddering breath I mumbled, "Why won't anybody leave me alone?"

"Because we all care too much about you to do that. Alexandra… you have no idea how much we care." The tear slipped out without me noticing until the pad of Jacob's thumb swept it away. "Shhhh… I'm right here, honey. Not going anywhere."

Lightening filled the room, everything distorted in the intense light. "Stay with me tonight," I asked, taking a step into him.

"Anything."

I bit my lip, squeezing my eyes shut, and breathing in his scent so unknown, so soothing, my head tucked into his chest.

A sudden bout of thunder cracked like a whip overhead and I jumped in his arms my head colliding with his chin. "Oww!" I moaned, hand rubbing the impact point. "Stupid thunder."

He laughed. "You alright?"

"No," I grumbled. "Your chin is like freaking concrete!"

"Sorry," he apologised. Obviously still tickled. "I'll wear a chin pad next storm."

"See that you do, because I'm not getting helmet hair."

"Come here," he reached out and gently guided me back into his sphere. Lifting my hand from where it was furiously rubbing he dipped his head down and pressed his lips to my bump. "Better?" He asked, pulling back to check my expression.

"Little bit," I admitted reluctantly. "If you could get rid of the storm too that would be awesome."

He chuckled. "I'll get onto that." Then he slipped his warm hand into mine and I froze. I was suddenly back in Callum's car staring at two embracing figures outside the hiking store. "What? Alex?"

Taking a deep breath I removed my hand from his, trying not to notice how cold it felt without him touching me. "I'm not Bella," I said. Jacob frowned, opening his mouth to say something but I cut him off, I had to get this out. "I'm not Bella, and I never will be. I know you love her, she's so soft and sweet and good, and I get it. That's just not me. I can't be that girl. So if that's what you're looking for…"

"Alex," he shook his head at me. "I love Bella, she's my best friend, my soul mate." I tried to push down the disappointed ache his words were causing so that it wouldn't show in my eyes. "Like you and Leah; we're on the same page, we connect. But you? You are so so so much more than that. More than I ever believed was possible. There is no comparison. You're a complete mystery half the time. I know we don't know each other very well yet, but if we don't make an attempt then we never will, and I really want to know _you_, Alex. Bella was not for me, I understand that now, I believe that." He seemed to want to declare more but was holding back. I was glad because his words filled me with anxiety.

"I don't know what to say." How could he know all those things so quickly? How could he be so comfortable with it?

The corner of his mouth lifted into a half smile. "You don't have to say anything. Just stop worrying about Bella. I'm here because of you. Now, get in that bed and get some sleep because you really don't look so great."

Somehow he had diffused the tension, eased my concern. "Jerk," I huffed, not wanting to admit exactly how much the Bella thing had been bothering me. "Order me about some more why don't you?" I stormed past him to climb onto the bed. Snuggling under the covers I peered up to see him settling down at my desk chair. "Uh, Muppet?" I said, frowning.

He glanced up. "Me?"

"No the other idiot in the room. What are you doing?"

He looked nervous, shifting in the seat and scratching the back of his neck. "If you want me to go…"

"No," I rolled my eyes, "not yet anyway. What are you doing in the chair? You need sleep too."

He sighed in relief. "I can sleep here."

I patted the bed, hoping it looked inviting. "Come on you plonker, I promise I wont bite." This was all too easy, the bantering, the being around him, it shouldn't be like this, should it?

"I don't think that's a good…" he hesitated, halfway out of the chair.

I raised an eyebrow at him. "Are you serious? What, do you think I'm going to jump you in the middle of the night? You're not _that_ good-looking." Actually, he was.

"You're not the one I'm worried about," he muttered, but stood all the same. "You sure?"

"It's not like we're having a wild orgy in here." His eyes widened. I grinned. "Just sleeping," I said as solemnly as I could. He was still hovering, unsure. "Look, I'm cold, and I don't like storms so could you please humour me this once."

"Now who's shooting out demands," he muttered as he walked over and climbed onto the bed beside me. Wrapping one long arm across my middle and pulling me against him so that we were spooning, with him on the covers and me under. I closed my eyes, enjoying the safety of being in his warm arms, blocking out the thoughts I had yet to deal with and relaxing into the moment. His breath tickled hot on the back of my neck when he spoke. "So, you think I'm good-looking, huh?"

"Not pretty enough to jump my friend." I twisted to glare at him. "And I swear if you ever climb through my window again without my permission I will have you arrested."

"Sure, sure," he mumbled, not bothered in the slightest by my threat. "Heard that one before."

* * *

My sleep was deep and dreamless. So much so that I completely forgot that I had to get up for work and that I was sleeping in the same bed as Jacob Black. That was until Diana's furious voice brought me back from the land of nod with a bruising thud.

"Alexandra May Grant!" She screeched.

We both shot upright at the volume. I peered blearily at the doorway where my aunt now stood like some curiously prim, fangless gorgon, hands fixed on her hips, eyes flashing with all kinds of madness.

"Oh, crap," I heard Jacob groan under his breath. She didn't move; she didn't need to.

"What is going on in here?" It was spoken in that deceptively calm voice, the one that was more terrifying than screaming.

During the night I must have kicked off the covers because they were now bunched at the bottom of the bed, removing the proof that I had indeed been under them at any point. I leapt over Jacob, stumbling when the ache shot up my ankle. I hobbled to the door, eyes wide awake and pleading my innocence. This must look like her worst nightmare, especially after our talk yesterday. "Nothing happened, Diana. It's really not what it looks like."

Her jaw twitched. "I don't appreciate being played for a fool, Alexandra."

"This is not what you think it is," I insisted.

"Oh, and what is it exactly?"

"It's nothing. We slept. That's all. I promise you. Look, both of us are still fully dressed." Her eyes fell pointedly on Jacob's bare chest. "Seriously, he never wears a shirt. Complete freak. That's fully dressed for him."

"It's true," Jacob nodded from beside me, "I'm a total freak. Hardly wear shoes either."

"Not helping," I growled at him.

Diana let out a long heavy sigh, her right hand rose to pinch the bridge of her nose. "I trusted you, Alex. I truly believed that you wanted to change and you were willing to do so. Yesterday, I thought we were getting somewhere. Now I wake up to find history repeating itself," her hand gestured towards us and the messy bed – which, granted, looked mighty suspicious, "and I'm wondering if it was all just a game to you?" My mouth flapped, speechless. "You said you wanted to go home. I think that is for the best. Clearly I'm not making a blind bit of difference, you seem determined to throw your life away – Lord help anyone who gets in the way of your self-destructive behaviour."

"No, Diana, that's not true! I don't want to leave yet. Please don't send me home, not over something I haven't even done! That's not fair." Suddenly I was desperate to stay, I would do anything, promise anything.

"Ms Hartwell," Jacob spoke up, nervous, but determined. "I understand that what you walked in to see this morning looked far from innocent, but I promise you that I care too much about your niece to hurt her in that way. I was the one who came here last night, Alex knew nothing about it, I was worried and she wasn't answering any calls. She let me in and let me stay, but nothing happened, you have my word. Please don't punish her for a misunderstanding."

I turned my eyes on my aunt, wide, begging her to change her mind. "Please, I want to stay here with you."

She was hesitating; I could see it in the way her gaze flickered across our faces. Her head shook. "Alex, I don't…"

"Please." I rushed forward and took her hand in mine; it was cold. "I'm trying, Aunty. I'm trying so hard to be better. I need you to help me, I don't want to be that person anymore."

Her hand squeezed mine tightly for a few seconds then she dropped it. "Get dressed, Alex. I would like a word with Mr Black here."

I could practically hear the timid gulp behind me. He can still back out if he wants to, I thought. No boy had ever met one of my parents before, and Diana was as good as one while I was here. I shot a hopeful glance at her but she wasn't looking at me any longer. "Sure, I'll go shower." I skidded out of the room faster than a cheetah on roller-skates.

* * *

As I stood under the hot water I wondered if I should be hurrying or taking my time. Did Diana want a long chat with Jacob? What were they going to talk about? More importantly, could he convince her not to send me back home?

Yesterday I was positive that Forks was the last place on earth that I wanted to be, I needed my own bed, my old friends, and familiarity, comfort. Then after Diana's story, after I cried myself hoarse in her arms, I realised that she was right, on so many levels. I was just hiding from the world, running scared like a little girl. I didn't want to end up here, alone in my house with my memories, and probably lots of cats. Though it made my eyes sting to think of it I didn't want to be my father. It was a future too painful to comprehend.

Molly was right, too, I had to let someone in, let someone help. I had to be brave enough to open that closet door wide and face all the nightmares I spent the last 5 years burying as deep as I could. And for the first time I felt like I wasn't alone, there were people here that would catch me if I fell, pick me up again, and I was beginning to trust them to do that.

* * *

Once I was dressed I made my way down into the kitchen, steeling myself for what I might find.

Diana sat at the breakfast table reading the newspaper and sipping at a steaming cup of coffee. She looked calm. Looks could be deceiving, though, so I treaded carefully, trying not to panic at the obvious lack of Jacob. I grabbed a mug and a tea bag and poured the ready boiled water in.

"Where's Jacob?" I inquired in what I hoped sounded like nonchalance.

The coffee cup was placed back on the tabletop. "Would this be the very same Jacob that you swore not one week ago you had no intentions of pursuing? Who was, and I quote: 'Just not my type. Way too intense'."

I tried not to flush. That was absolutely true. "Uh, maybe."

"I see. Well, in that case he's outside making sure that his Romeo style visit last night didn't damage my trellis or the clematis I have been training up it for the last two years. Milk is by the sink."

"Oh," I winced. Pouring milk into my tea and fishing the bag out I turned to face her. She was still blithely reading the paper. "I meant what I said."

Her eyebrows rose. "Meant what exactly, Alexandra?"

I slunk into the seat opposite. She sure wasn't making this easy. "What I said, upstairs. I want to stay here, with you, for the remainder of the summer." I took a breath, tucking my hair behind my ears and focusing my eyes on the wood tabletop. "And what I said about being better. I meant that too. Its time I stopped running, and I really have been trying. Last night…"

"Was a misunderstanding," Diana finished for me, eyes on my face. "I know. Jacob explained what happened yesterday, about your argument over Leah." I tried not to frown, what had Jacob said about Leah? "If you really want to stay, then you can, but there will be no more boys in your bed, and no more running off without telling me where you're going." I nodded, fully ready to sign the contract in blood if necessary. "Don't forget your friends Alex. Leah has been good to you, don't let this… _thing_ with Jacob ruin that."

"I wont. I promise. Friends come first, boys second. Plus, I don't even know what this thing with Jacob is yet, so…"

"Ok then. I phoned the library this morning before…" She cleared her throat pointedly. "I thought that maybe, after yesterday, you would want a day off." She almost smiled, eyes lightening. "Don't you have a wedding coming up?"

I blinked. "What?"

"Well, aren't you going to need a dress for it?" She pulled out her purse and held out a load of notes.

"I can't take that," I shook my head.

"Think of it as your wages." She encouraged.

"Diana…"

"Alex, you are my niece and I want to do something nice for you so take the money and get something lovely for the wedding." She placed the green paper on the table and stood up. "I have to get to work now." Leaning over me she kissed my temple, the gesture caused a lump to catch in my throat. "Look after yourself."

I nodded, overwhelmed.

* * *

The moment she shut the front door I heard a relieved sigh behind me. I twisted in my seat to see Jacob standing at the back door. Still shirtless, still the nicest thing I had ever seen. "Coffee? Tea?" I offered, getting up, I was feeling horribly naked in his presence after last night, but there was no hiding from him now.

"Coffee," he smiled, easing my tension, and moving into the room. "Man she's scary. I thought I was in for it then, never going to be able to father kids."

I snorted. "She's not _that_ bad." I filled a cup from the machine. "Milk?"

"Nah." He replied and I heard a chair scrape back as he sat.

"How's the clematis?" Placing the hot cup in front of him I returned to where I was sat before and lifted my mug to blow at the steam.

He looked like he might blush, but settled for shifting the coffee a few inches across the tabletop. "No damage, luckily."

I grinned. "And what would you have done if there had been?"

"Moved country."

I laughed, lifting my eyes to find him gazing at me with that look, the one that still made me want to bolt for the door. I felt like I was getting better already, forcing myself into my seat. He tilted his head curiously. "Does it scare you when I look at you like that?"

I flushed, staring at the brown drink swirling in my cup. "Yes. A little bit."

"Ok." He said easily.

My eyes shot up to him. "Ok?"

He shrugged. "Ok. I knew this wasn't going to be fixed in one night. Nothing is ever that simple. I'm just happy to be sat in the same room as you without you yelling at me to get out."

I smiled apologetically. "I get pretty defensive sometimes. My bark is worse than my bite."

"I hadn't noticed," he teased, taking a sip of coffee. "What's the money for? Is that my bribe to stay away from you?"

"No, that's for a dress."

"Dress?" he quirked an eyebrow. "Interesting punishment."

Sipping cautiously at my tea I nodded. "Yeah, I'm still waiting for that. Enid will probably give her a few unpleasant ideas. The money is actually for Emily's wedding. I've been formally invited."

"Ah," he mused, "Does that mean you have the whole day free?"

My eyes narrowed. "Yes. Why?"

"And you have permission to go out of town to shop?"

I wasn't positive if that was exactly what Diana meant, but I did know that nowhere in Forks was going to sell dresses worthy of a wedding. "Sure, I guess."

"No restrictions on who you go with or how you get there?" There was a devilish glint in his dark eyes.

"She didn't specify. What are you planning in that weasely head of yours?"

He brushed aside the playful insult. "I do believe I owe you a ride on my bicycle Miss Grant," he announced in an appalling English accent with full on double entendre.

"Is that so?" I pondered, taking a larger sip from my tea to hide the smile his words brought. This was ridiculous; I was finding it almost impossible to not like him anymore. Especially when he grinned at me like that. "What makes you think I even want to ride your bike?"

"You do." He said with smug certainty.

I snorted. "Pretty cocky aren't we?"

My rebuff seemed to glide off him like water on a duck's back. He leaned over, pulling those lips up in a smirk. "Am I wrong?"

No, he wasn't, but he didn't need to know that. I shrugged, getting up from my seat and taking my cup over to the sink. "Until I get a better offer, you'll do."

That made him laugh. It was full, true, and it directly linked to my own smile like a puppeteer's strings pulling up until I was forced to hide my grin behind my hair as I rinsed the mug. "Liar," he teased, and I heard the chair scrape back as he got up. "Alex?"

I turned, straightening my features. He stood by the table, so tall it was hard to comprehend he was just 16. "Yup?"

"If you don't want to," he said, all trace of humour wiped clean, "or if I'm moving too fast for you – let me know. I don't mind, just don't want to push you into anything you're not comfortable with. I can wait. Getting pretty patient these days."

"I…" I paused, taking a minute to really think about what he was saying. It wasn't that I didn't want to spend the day with him; it was more that I wanted it so much it frightened me. I wanted _him_ so much it was frightening me. They had all seen it: Molly, Leah, Quil, Jared, Embry, Bella, Billy, even Diana was far less surprised than I expected. And I had denied it, sworn black and blue that it wasn't true, and yet here I stood where they all knew I'd end up. Part of my pride wanted to slam the walls back into place, hide away, stick two fingers up at them all and say 'see? I told you so', but that wasn't who I was going to be anymore. Today was a new start, and I was going to be brave. For the first time in my life I was going to push down my pride and do what made me happy. "Honestly?"

"Always."

"I'm in two minds. One side is screaming at me to slam on the brakes, that this is way too fast for me. The other is trying to press the accelerator through the floor because I want everything all at once. I'm trying here, and I don't want to mess it up like I usually do…" I trailed off not really giving him a clear answer.

"So what are you saying?"

"I'm saying that I'm not ready to ride your bike yet, but I really want to." I tried not to let the panic show. Sure he was saying all those things about not pushing and waiting. But I knew as well as anybody that what people said and what they did were often worlds apart.

Jacob's chocolate eyes were soft, melted. Taking the two steps forward in order to stand right in front of me he brushed my hair back from my face, his fingers lingering along my jaw. "Whenever you're ready." I relaxed as much as I could with him that close. "Could I ask you for a favour? It's just a little bit pushy. You can say no and I won't be offended."

My eyes narrowed suspiciously. "And what might that be?"

"Get two dresses."

"Huh?"

He shifted they way he did when he felt uncomfortable. I wondered what on earth he could possibly be hinting at. "You see I agreed to go to Bella's wedding and I was hoping that… if its ok with you… that you would go with me."

"You want me to go with you?" I wasn't sure how I felt about that. I really had no love of Bella and attending her wedding was not exactly at the top of my to do list.

"It's just… I wouldn't have asked but I think I'm going to really need you there with me. You don't have to do anything, just sit there."

"Do I have to be conscious?"

The corners of his mouth twitched. "Pretty please. I'll look after you."

I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath in before opening them again. "Alright. You're on." His grin was almost blinding. I held up my hand to stop him when he looked like he was about to smother me into his arms. "There are conditions."

Curious, he tilted his head. "Conditions? What kind of conditions?"

"One," I said, lifting my index finger and adopting an upper-crust accent, "should I wish to be barely civil when speaking, I shall." My middle finger went up to join the first. "Two. Should the whole event be as tedious for me as I fear it shall be, you shall allow me to mock the hell out of the decorations, dresses, hair, make-up, dancing techniques, and other such moments of unbelievable comedy value (that can only be found at weddings). Without complaint." I paused, and Jacob's eyebrows rose. My third finger joined the others. "Three. There had better be a buffet."

"Deal." He spat into his hand and held it out to me.

"That's disgusting," I complained, following his example all the same.

We shook.

"It's the only way to seal a deal," he insisted, tugging me forward and wrapping me into his chest; warm, safe, growing ever more familiar by the hour. "Thank you."

Yeah, I could get used to this.


	9. Sixteen miles to the promised land

**A/N: **A big thank you to everyone who reviewed, they always make me smile! This chapter takes place over a few days, i'm not sure how clear that is so i thought i'd let you know. I don't own anything you recognise, Stephanie does. Only 4 days until Breaking Dawn! So excited now. Read, review, enjoy!

* * *

**Supernova**

Chapter 9: "_It's Sixteen Miles To The Promised Land, And I Promise You I'm Doing The Best I Can._" – Rilo Kiley, With Arms Outstretched. 

In the end I took the bus up to Port Angeles and spent the morning searching through the ocean-side town for dresses like Aunt Diana suggested. Being surrounded by strangers, normal humans with their stumbling feet and harsh voices, it comforted me. It was nice being on my own for a bit, giving myself time to breath again. Eventually I found a little boutique filled with pretty knick-knacks and quirky dresses. The shop assistant helped me narrow my choices down because I wasn't sure whether I was going over the top, and I mean I barely knew the people whose weddings I was attending. Then I remembered that I wasn't really going because of the couple (or at least I wasn't in the first case) so what did it matter as long as I felt good?

When I finished there wasn't much of Diana's money left, but I met with Leah in a café for a lunchtime coffee (or hot chocolate in my case). When Jacob left that morning I turned my phone on to find my inbox jammed with messages from Leah, and 20 missed calls. I recalled what Jacob had said last night about Leah and me being soul mates, how we just got each other. He was right, though I was loathed to admit it. Friends come in all shapes and sizes, all depths, some last a lifetime, others are as fleeting as the seasons, and all as important as the next. Diana had told me not to forget Leah and I made a promise to myself that I never would.

After some awkward hellos and a few uncomfortable silences we seemed to be getting back on track. It was hard at first when all I could here was her guilt-drenched voice telling me that she had stolen Callum's pictures and burned them. I still didn't know what to think about that, so I chose to ignore it for the time being.

We were in there for an hour. She didn't mention yesterday afternoon, and neither did I. That was until we were in the car heading to Forks.

Her windows were rolled down and the wind whipped through the vehicle tangling our hair, hers a beautiful jet black, mine straw blonde. The heat that usually filled her car was absent, I felt relaxed as I slipped down in the seat and propped my toes on the dashboard. I had painted my nails with my favourite purple polish the day before I left for Washington. I had been so proud of the neatness, no smudges or fabric imprints, perfectly shiny. Now they were chipped around the edges. I wiggled them, expecting Leah to snap at me about disrespecting her mother's car (not that she really cared, but any excuse with her). She didn't, she just kept driving.

"I wanted a pony," I said to break the silence. "When I was little I begged my…" deep breath, no running… "Dad to buy me one. He asked me where I would keep it; we lived in the city then. I told him I would keep it in my room."

Leah glanced over at me, brows furrowed. "I guess you weren't a bright kid."

I laughed, tracing a finger along the doorframe where the window peeked up. "It seemed like the greatest idea at the time. He said no, of course."

It was quiet for a moment, the roar of the engine, and the rush of the wind all I could hear. Then Leah propped one elbow on the door and rested her head in her hand, eyes still on the road. "I wanted a dolphin."

I snorted. "Didn't ask for much."

"Hey, pony girl!" She shot back defensively, head lifting from her hand. "I had it all planned. I was going to keep it in the bathtub, and on weekends we'd head to the beach. Mom wanted to know where we would wash, so I said the ocean, duh."

"So the dolphin lives in the human's bath; the humans wash in the dolphin's ocean. Makes perfect sense."

She grinned. "Exactly. My Dad said that while it was a well thought out arrangement did I not think that the dolphin would be happier in the ocean with all its friends?" Her eyes flickered to me. "I told him that it wouldn't need any other friends."

"Awww," I giggled, "bless your little heart."

She sent me a withering glare. "Then he said that family is the most important thing in this world, that if I were a dolphin he wouldn't want me taken away from him to live in a bath."

"Your dad sounds wise."

"He was." Leah nodded. "When he wanted to be."

I didn't miss the past tense used. Previously neither of us had spoken much about our families. I had the feeling that we had both been hiding from something, and that we had recognised that in each other the day we met outside the hairdressers. I wasn't going to push, not right now, not when my own past was still hovering behind me like a dark cloud.

"How does it work?" I asked, suddenly wanting to know, feeling at ease with all the forward motion around me, the wind playing with my hair.

She didn't get what I was asking at first. "What do you mean?" She puzzled.

I closed my eyes, letting the air rush against me. "The…" I paused, still finding it difficult to say out loud without feeling like a complete Muppet. "The wolf thing."

My eyes opened when she didn't answer straight away, and I found her regarding me sombrely. "Alex," she began in that soothing voice that was so at odds with her personality most of the time, "you don't have to…"

I could see the fear in her face. She was worried that if she said anything it would make me run again. While I couldn't promise that I wouldn't, I was giving it my best shot, and the only way I was going to get used to this was to talk about it. "Yeah, I kind of do. I want to know, I want to try to understand."

Leah breathed deep before she started, and throughout the explanation I felt her eyes flickering to me, checking that I was ok. "We, uh, well it's difficult to explain."

"Try."

"Ok, so, there is something else you need to know about and I don't think Jacob has told you yet. But he would, if you asked, so I guess that doesn't matter. You've heard that we are werewolves." I cringed slightly at the term, it just sounded ridiculous. "Well we're not the only mythical creatures roaming about the place. There are _Vampires_ too." She spat the word vampire like it was poison on her tongue.

"Uh, hold up." I sat upright in my seat, twisting slightly to look at her, so that I could see any sign that she was having me on. "Vampires? As in 'I vant to suck your blood' vampires?"

Leah's fists gripped the steering wheel tighter. "Those are the ones. The filthy bloodsucking parasites." The vehemence in her voice sent a shiver of fear up my spine and for a second I could fully believe that Leah was a wolf. "Most of them live off humans, travelling around place to place, picking off their prey. One coven of them decided that they would try to live off of animal blood so that they could exist amongst humans without posing _much_ of a threat."

"Does it work?" I found myself asking.

"Supposedly," she sneered, clearly not a believer. "The coven first came to a settlement near here – Hoquiam – down the coast, many years ago, the time of my grandfathers. They came into contact with our tribe. You see eventually the _sons_ of Taha Aki stopped changing when they reached puberty, it is said that only when leeches are a constant presence does the change get triggered. And the numbers of bloodsuckers correlates with the number of wolves. Providing protection for our people."

"How old do they live for? The, uh, the vampires."

"They can live forever if they want to. After all," she looked a little sick, "they are already dead."

I guessed that was a good point. "So what happened when the coven and the tribe met?"

"One of the leeches stepped forward and pledged their word that they did not hunt humans. You see those that drink from animal blood have eyes of a golden colour."

"And those that drink of human?" I questioned wondering if I really wanted the answer.

"Crimson." She said shortly. "Their eyes gave truth to their words and so the pack leaders at the time drew up a treaty that forbid them from entering Quileute land and from biting any humans. It worked, and they lived pretty peacefully until the leeches moved on. Because they are frozen, like statues, in whatever state they were when they were changed, they don't age and can't be in one place too long or people get suspicious."

"Then what happened?"

"Then two years ago they came back." Her voice was dark. "This time they settled in Forks, but the treaty still held and the Quileute elders made certain they knew that."

"So, uh, what is the problem?"

Hollow eyes turned to me. "Their continued presence here set the wheels in motion. They are the reason why the pack was formed, why Sam, and Jacob, and Embry, Paul, Jared, Quil, My little brother Seth, Collin, Brady, why they all made the change. The reason why they had their humanity taken from them, their normality, this won't go away, this is it until the day we die."

"But what about you?"

She barked out a dull laugh. "I'm the great mystery that no one can explain. There are no records of women making the change before me. I am the first. The oddity."

"Oh. So how does the _change_ come about?"

"It happens around puberty. Accelerated growth, higher temperature, strength, metabolism, and all that jazz. It's triggered by intense anger. Do you remember… down at the beach that evening… when Jacob and I…?"

I swallowed. Not my happiest memories. "Yeah." The animalistic growls, clenched fists, trembling arms, vicious looks, the panicked concern of the others, herding me away, trying to calm Jacob down. "Was that?"

"Yeah," she looked just a tiny bit guilty. "Jacob was getting on my nerves and I pushed him. Normally he's the best of us at staying calm. When we get real angry over something we get **real** angry, it's so intense that it's hard to explain. It just takes you over and you burst from your skin and there you are, a wolf. That's why we have to learn to control it so that we can be around people."

"You're ok with me though."

She grinned. "Yeah, most of the time. I'm getting better. I used to have a job as a waitress before, but I had to give it up, it was too dangerous."

"Wow." Was all I could think to say to that.

Leah glanced at me. "Have I scared you?"

I grimaced at the obviousness of my emotions. "Only a little bit. I'm ok. I don't think it's really sunk in yet, to be honest."

"You don't need to be afraid. No one is going to hurt you. Jacob won't let them. I won't. You don't know this but…" she shifted uncomfortably… "Everyone's really glad you came to Forks."

Surprised, I raised my eyebrows. "Really? Why?"

"Because Jacob was being such a bitch before, and now…" She let the sentence trail off.

"Now…?" I encouraged wondering where she had been going with it.

She grinned. "He's not so much. Still a pain in my ass, and I'd still like to string him up by his… But he's happier, more like the Jake we're all used to."

"What happened?"

She shook her head. "Nope. Not for me to tell. You're going to have to go to the boy himself for those answers. Lets just say Bella messed him up good."

Bella. The same Bella he described as his soul mate. The Bella who's wedding we would be attending this weekend. Together. Oh, man, this was going to be interesting.

The silence was comfortable. Both of us were content with our own thoughts, mine mulling over the new information, trying to fit it with… well, with everything. The strange moods, the meetings, the secrecy, the physical stuff, it made sense. Ok, sense wasn't the right word. It was an explanation. Not a very probable one, but I didn't exactly have a ton of theories lining up right now, and Leah was just so earnest about what she was saying.

The only way I was truly going to get it was if I saw it, but I knew that I wasn't ready for that yet. I needed the background stuff to sink in first. Once I became comfortable with that, then maybe. Although the fact that I was in anyway concerned about asking to see them suggested that maybe I wasn't quite as disbelieving as I'd convinced myself I was.

* * *

"Leah? Alex? Is that you?" the voice was polite even when it was yelling across a house.

"Yeah!" Leah returned with considerably less courtesy as we made our way through Sam and Emily's home the next afternoon.

"Oh!" Relief. "Thank goodness. Could you wash up and come help me?"

By this time we had reached the kitchen to find Emily dusted in flour and puffing a stray lock of hair from her eyes. She was stood next to a table scattered with boxes, cartons, bowls, and cups – various items of cutlery sticking from them at odd angles.

"What is going on in here?" I asked, stunned by the chaos. Leah just headed over to the sink and shoved her hands under the stream of water barely batting an eye.

Emily looked up at me, her pretty face distressed. "Kim was supposed to come over to give me a hand, but her mother had to work last minute and she can't leave her brother on his own. He's six," she added in case I was wondering. I wasn't. Emily's brows creased up, her hand gestured weakly at the jumbled table. "The pack is going to be here in less than an hour and I promised Sam I would have dinner ready for them. All of them!" Her eyes grew scarily wide. "That's 10 mouths to feed. 10! And not just normal mouths, werewolf mouths." She failed to see my flinch at the word. "Normally I'm cooking for only those on patrol. Which is around four or five most of the time." It was strange to hear her talking so normally about something that shouldn't even be real, but it was nice that the secrecy had lifted, I felt included. "I'm never going to get this all ready."

"Yes you are," Leah said firmly, tying an apron around her waist and chucking another at me. "We just need to organise, Em, that's all."

The surety in her voice visibly calmed Emily and she let out a long breath. "You're right. First things first."

Leah shot me a look over the other girl's head, rolling her eyes playfully. "How about you man the oven? Alex, how are your cooking skills?"

Knotting the apron about my waist I chuckled. "Non-existent."

"Well, that's helpful." She glanced calculatingly about the room. "So, Alex washes up. Emily bakes. I prepare. Any questions?"

Unable to resist, I clicked my heels together and raised a hand in salute. "Yes, Mam."

Emily sniggered. Leah narrowed her eyes. "You better watch your step Lieutenant Grant, or I'll have you doing laps around La Push."

I grinned, but took my place at the sink, not doubting for one moment that she would make good on her threat. Filling the basin with soapy water and eyeing the pile of dirty washing with distaste I wondered briefly how I got myself involved in this. For a generally neat person Emily sure could make a mess. The other two stepped about with strangely fierce determination, restoring sanity to the rest of the kitchen.

As we got on with our tasks the conversation flowed lightly. Teasing about my inability to cook even pasta made up the majority of the initial chat. Then they moved on to general gossip that was making the rounds in La Push, the bulk of which I had no clue about, or real interest in. It was nice to see Leah and Emily so relaxed in each other's company. For a moment I truly saw all that they had lost, their cousin and their best friend.

When things were beginning to get underway, Leah leaned around Emily to reach for the radio, turning it up so that the music flowed into the small room. It was some random top 40 station and the songs we knew we sang along to, the ones we didn't we mumbled the lyrics, laughing at our poor memories. Then, when the last batch of potatoes went in the oven, Leah grabbed Emily's oven mitt covered hands and twirled her across the room to the cheesy romantic song, dipping her ridiculously low so that the ends of her long hair brushed the tiled floor. Emily's giggles cut off when several large shadows filled the doorway.

"Sam!" she cried out, the joy still ringing from her voice. I had never seen such sudden light in someone's eyes.

Leah righted her cousin in a second and swept past without a spare glance for the arrivals, face carefully neutral. She came to a stop beside me and lifted a tea towel to do the drying. "The slave driver's helping out?" I teased, hoping to pull back some of the cheerfulness of before. She grunted.

Behind us I heard Emily as she called greetings to the others as they filed in, explaining her catastrophe and our timely rescue. When I heard Jacob's name I involuntarily shot a searching gaze over my shoulder, ignoring Leah's snicker. First thing I saw was Emily leaning against Sam, her head resting on his shoulder, his arm wrapped about her waist securely. I took in the varying sizes and shapes of the… I forced myself to think it… pack. When I met each pair of eyes the owner threw me a friendly smile (bar Paul, who didn't exactly scowl, but also showed no pleasure in seeing me), Quil waved brightly, and Embry added a welcoming nod. It was odd to think that these boys (and despite their size they were still boys) were the protectors of La Push, wolves that kept _vampires_ from feeding in their reservation. With more responsibility on their young shoulders now than I would likely ever have even if I lived to 100.

"Looking for someone?" The familiarly smug voice came unexpectedly from my left and I am ashamed to confess I squeaked in surprise, jolting back into Leah.

"Watch it slave!" She warned, sounding like she was once again enjoying herself. Glad I provided some use. The rest of the room broke out into peels of laughter at my expense.

Heart thudding like a drum in my chest, not all of it due to the shock, I closed my eyes, breathing deep. "You had better not be standing within range of this spatula when I open my eyes Jacob Black," I threatened darkly, brandishing the implement I had been cleaning out in front of me.

"You wouldn't." He was far too sure of himself.

Eyes still shut, the corner of my mouth lifted into a devilish smirk. "Oh, really? That sounded like a challenge to me."

"Me too!" I heard Quil call out.

"Shut it Ateara!" Jacob snapped playfully.

"5 bucks on Alex!" Was Embry's far too gleeful input. There was a moment of silence, and by then I was struggling to keep my eyelids down. "Nobody going to raise it?"

"Hey!" Jacob put on a hurt voice. "A little faith would be nice."

"Sorry, man," Jared, "but she could totally whip your ass."

I lifted my lids until I was able to see a slither of russet skin.

"Come on!" Jacob was still protesting. "She's – Ouch!"

A loud cheer went up and I grinned, spinning the spatula 360 and blowing invisible smoke from the top like a cowboy in a cheesy spaghetti western.

Leah patted me on the shoulder. "Nice," she approved, "been wanting to do that for months."

Jacob pouted, rubbing his bicep, and sending me the best damn puppy-dog eyes I had ever been witness to. "Alex," he whined.

"Call yourself a werewolf…" I muttered, shaking my head at the pathetic display.

Almost imperceptibly his eyes widened with my casual use of the word. It was getting easier. "But it hurts!"

"Maybe he wants a plaster for his boo-boo," Paul snickered.

The buzzer went off just as Jacob's mouth opened to shoot something back at him – not very complimentary by the look of it.

"Food!" Embry approved with a delighted expression.

Emily hurried over to the oven and began unloading straight onto the table. Most of the guys by-passed the plates and shoved the steaming hot grub into their mouths. I realised what Emily meant when she said Werewolf appetites. Jeez. It was like feeding time at the zoo, only with fewer manners.

Leah had shot from my side the moment the trays hit the table, Jacob, however, was very much still present. With the rest of the rooms occupants distracted, he leaned over, his scent surrounding me, and whispered hot into my ear.

"That wasn't very nice."

I didn't look at him. It was partly because he was so close that I couldn't without kissing him and partly because the scene unfolding before me was so fascinating. Instead I just smirked wider.

"You told me you were a good girl," he teased, very well, I might add.

"I lied."

"You know," he mused in that tone that made my eyes narrow suspiciously and my heartbeat pick up, "I kissed yours better."

"What?" I yelped, earning a couple of curious glances from the feast.

His chuckle was low. I felt Goosebumps prickle across my bare arms. "I'm just saying."

I took a step back and turned to see his mockery of an innocent expression. He met my eyes straight on, mischief glittering in their dark depths. "You're not scared are you?"

Oh. He was bating me, and I knew it, but I couldn't convince myself not to play-a-long. "Of you? Hardly," I scoffed.

"Is that so?" he frowned. "Because it kind of seems like you are. Won't even give me one small kiss after you brutally attacked me."

"One," I clarified for reasons unknown.

He nodded, trying to hold back his winners smile. "Just the one."

"Fine." I stepped forward until I was nearly chest-to-chest with him. I could feel his eyes grinning down on me. Smug git. The idle chatter around us faded out as I leaned to the side and pressed my mouth to the warm muscle of his arm. I opened my lips and traced the tip of my tongue across the soft, smooth skin, tasting the tang of salt. Then I pulled back and blinked up at him like a naïve schoolgirl. "Better?"

The heat from his eyes was enough to make my knees tremble. I was breathing him in with shallow breaths; he smelt like freedom, like safety, like a summer breeze, warm and playful. I was well and truly caught. Jacob was everywhere and Jacob was everything.

He cleared his throat and ran a hand roughly through his messily tied up hair. "Uh, yeah. Thanks."

"Thanks?" I raised an eyebrow, amused.

He shrugged, looking as if he was going to blush. "I didn't know what to say."

"Alright," I sniggered, turning back to the table, "smooth."

"Hey Casanova!" Quil waved a chicken drumstick over his head like a S.O.S flag. "Catch!"

The food missile flew through the air and I stared with a slightly gaping mouth as Jacob's large hand shot out casually and caught it. In an instant the chicken was in his mouth.

"Alex?" Quil asked as he lifted another piece.

"I can't catch that…" I protested.

"No problem." He threw it over.

I closed my eyes and raised my hands up in defence, resigned to my fate of getting hit by cooked chicken.

"Uh, Alex?" Jacob chuckled.

I cracked an eye open to find Jacob holding out the drumstick for me to take with laughter dancing in his eyes. "Oh, right." I couldn't stop the blush spreading as I snatched the food from his fingers. "Cheers."

"You are such a dumbass." Leah shook her head affectionately. At least I think it was affection.

"Shut up," I grumbled through a mouthful.

* * *

Maybe I should have felt guilty about how easily the lies flew from my lips. It was almost a default setting back home. _'Yes, mum, I have done that assignment.' 'No, Mrs Pritchard didn't see me outside the pub with a boy. Must have been someone else.' _And the all purpose: _'I'm fine.' 'No, I don't want to talk about it.'_ It was as simple as that, done almost without thinking.

But, I was trying to change, to be a better person. Lying is not being better, it's falling into old habits. Wrong. That is one of the first things you are taught, fundamental, liars are bad people.

Are you still a bad person if your lie is to protect a friend?

Callum came straight over to me when I entered the library for my shift. There was a determination in the lines of his face that made me look away. I sat at the front desk, reading a sticky-note from Carol about what to do with the pile of books to my left.

"Alex," Callum said. "Are you feeling better? Diana said…"

"Yeah, I'm fine now. Just a migraine." I couldn't look at him.

Silence. I heard him shift, fingers tapping dully on the counter. "You know, I really am sorry about yesterday. About what I accused you of."

"That's ok, really," I insisted, crumpling the note and tossing it into the bin behind me. "I mean I was the only other person who knew."

He cleared his throat, the sound tense, forced. "Yeah, about that…" I glanced up beneath my lashes. The resolve of a moment ago had vanished, replaced by uncertainty, a nervous hand rubbing the back of his neck, eyes down. "Did you, uh… did you speak with Leah?"

"Sure," I said, easy as a breeze.

His brows crossed, frustrated. "Well? What did she say? Did you ask about the missing pictures?"

Lifted my eyes up, expression sober. The lie is only as good as the person who tells it. "I did. She said she has no idea where they are. She didn't take them."

"Is she certain?" He believed that is what she told me, but he still didn't trust in Leah.

I nodded. "Absolutely. She's never actually seen them. And why would she? What purpose could she have for them?"

_Just to conceal her identity as a werewolf, and keep him from exposing her pack's secret_. But Callum didn't know that, and I wasn't about to enlighten him either.

His hand rubbed across his mouth. "Yeah," he conceded, "I guess you're right."

The battle was won. "Maybe you left them somewhere," I said, half teasing, half serious. "I've been in your car, remember?"

He didn't really answer just looked perplexed by the whole thing. That made two of us.

* * *

Jacob picked me up after work the day before Bella's wedding. It was pretty funny to see the look on Enid's sour face when the 6ft muscled guy strolled into the library with a cheery grin. I wasn't sure if she'd need surgery to get her eyebrows back down from her hairline. Luckily Diana was less surprised as Jacob had cleared it with her earlier, he wasn't taking chances right now. Or so he said.

It quickly became apparent when I peered up and down the street for his car that his good behaviour was being saved purely for when my aunt could see him. Smart boy.

"So, uh, are we walking?" I raised a quizzical brow at him.

His Cheshire grin widened. One of his large and very warm hands reached out for mine. It fit, it felt nice, handholding had never really been my thing, and I'd never understood it before. I was still staring curiously down at our entwined fingers wondering why this all felt so easy now, like breathing, when he gave me a little tug forward.

"We _are_ walking?" I said, disbelief colouring my tone. He had to be joking.

"No." Thank god for that. "But…" Uh oh. He sent me a sidelong glance. "I was wondering if you were still totally against motorbikes?"

I snorted. "Against motorbikes? Don't be ridiculous, I've never been anti-bikes, I love them."

"Ok," he smiled at my enthusiastic response and I felt his hand squeeze mine tighter. "How do you feel about my bike?"

"Is that a euphemism?"

His laugh was full, carefree, and I found that I really enjoyed hearing it. I was seriously becoming a sap these days. Jenny would be in hysterics if she could hear my thoughts right now. Jacob must have been feeling really daring because he lifted our joined hands and pressed his soft lips to the back of my hand. "No, Alex, that wasn't a euphemism."

"Oh. Then I guess…" What did I guess? The answer came sure and swift. No running. "Yeah. Bring it on."

Jacob snickered at my answer. "Bring it on?"

I tried to tug my hand free but it was in a death grip, there was no way he was letting me go. "Jerk," I muttered, embarrassed. "I don't want to go on it now."

"Sure, sure," he brushed my comments aside as we rounded a corner and came to a stop in front of his black bike. The one I saw propped up outside the hikers shop that day. It was just too good to be true. My mother would have a fit if she saw this; the knowledge gave me that little extra push and I made to climb on but Jacob pulled me back. "Not yet."

Huh? "What do you mean not yet? We're not about to have a road safety chat are we?" My flicker of excitement died.

"No," he said as if that was the most ridiculous thing he'd ever heard. "But…" He let go of me and reached across the seat, when he straightened up I think my jaw dropped.

"You're joking, right?" The helmet was silver and twice the size of my head. I knew without even touching it that I would look like the village idiot the moment it was strapped to me.

"Put it on." He ordered, no question. "You are far too important to me to get splattered across the road."

I batted my eyelashes up at him, flirtingly. "But you're too good for that to happen."

Jacob was completely unmoved he just smirked. "True. But, I'm not taking any chances. Put it on."

Pouting to show my distaste with his opinion I snatched the hideous object from him and jammed it on. "Argh," I complained tightening the strap, "So bossy!"

We took the La Push road out of Forks heading straight down to the coast. As we passed over the Quillayute River the trees blurred past me in a mesh of deep emerald and bright jade, as rich in life as the sunlight that danced down through the leaves and across our faces. I closed my eyes and breathed in the earthy scent of the forest, the freshness of the ocean, my arms tightening around Jacob's waist, his constant warmth seeping into me.

At the first glimpse of the glittering water ahead I pushed up on Jacob's shoulders, steadied myself, and let out a whoop of freedom. This was living. He tipped his head back to give me a big grin, his hair tangling out in the wind. In a second his eyes were back on the road, but I felt a sudden rush of tenderness towards him, I hugged around his neck and pressed a spontaneous kiss to his bare cheek, and managed not to bash him with the helmet.

"Thank you," I whispered into his ear, "this is awesome."

For a time we rode parallel to the icy ocean. I sat wrapped around Jacob with my head resting against his back and eyes on the shimmering strip of water. If there was a more perfect moment I was unable to imagine it at that moment. It felt like nothing could stop us. We could ride on through Washington and into Canada, or down to Oregon and onto California, or across the country to New York. I found that I didn't care were we ended up so long as it was us. Jacob and I. The feeling made me giddy. Thousands of butterflies fluttered, somersaulting in my stomach, and my heart seemed to swell in my chest. I didn't know what it was but it was something like a fairground ride, twisting, turning, out of my control, exciting as much as it was terrifying.

Finally he turned in to the small reservation town. We didn't stop outside the little red house like I thought we would. He continued on down the Quillayute Street back out of town. Where was he taking me?

Turned off the street onto a dirt road for a few minutes until the trees cleared and we came to a spread of grey stones leading down to the riverside. It was beautiful. Getting a little reluctantly off the bike I fumbled the helmet strap with fingers that felt too big. I dropped the safety equipment to the pebbles and the silence soaked into me. All that could be heard was the soft singing of birds and the gentle lap of the river against the shore. Peace.

I tried to be as quiet as I could when I walked to the water's edge. I crouched down to trail my fingers through the cool liquid. I lifted a stone from the bed, water flowing off its smooth surface, and admired how the sunlight's reflection made it look like a precious gem.

Smiling, I turned to find Jacob sat on a piece of driftwood along the way from me. His skin glowed in the afternoon light, and his dark eyes watched me, contentedly. It made me feel exposed, but I was coming to realise that maybe that was not always such a bad thing.

"It's gorgeous," I said, soft, not wanting to break the spell. Rising upright again, I wandered over to him. When I stood in front of him I tilted my head to the side, his face was troubled. "What is it?" His eyes closed and he reached over and took my hands in his, pulling me closer so that our knees bumped. My thumbs brushed the smooth skin on the back of his hands. He seemed to be struggling with something. "Tell me," I hushed, "I won't be frightened. I know all about the _vampires_ now. Promise I won't run."

A ghost of a smile flickered on his lips, and then his eyes opened and they were calmer than before. "That was brave of you, Alex."

I puffed my chest in mock pride like I was being awarded a prefect badge. "Do I get a sticky gold star?"

He chuckled and shook his head at my idiocy. "Later."

Not letting go of his hands I took the seat next to him and leaned against his shoulder. "Is this about tomorrow?" He nodded. "Tell me, please. I will let you know if it gets to much…" I paused, the words almost sneaked past my lips but I pulled them back, holding them, making sure that I could say them out loud and mean them. "I trust you, Jacob."

He tensed, breath held tight inside. "Do you?" he barely whispered, a hint of doubt and overpowering hope.

"Yes." I gripped his hands firmly. It was the absolute truth. Strange how a few days ago I would have had to be bound and gagged for him to get me here. Since then I had been broken down. All my fears lay resting just beneath the surface; waiting for the moment I decide to voice them, release them into the air. I was building myself back up again, not different, modified, a newer edition without quite so many mistakes.

Beside me Jacob relaxed at my words, breath puffing out. "It's about the vampires." I nodded expecting as much. "And the Cullen's." That was a surprise. "And… Bella." My breath caught tight in my chest but I forced it out.

"Ok."

He turned his eyes on me then, earnest, comforting, and concealed at the back, barely noticeable, they were afraid. "I'm not going to hide things from you. You deserve to know the truth. About everything."


	10. Until the break of day

**A/N: **I don't know how long it will be until i get and read Breaking Dawn (Yay!) so this might be the last update for a while. But since you'll all be reading it too i guess that doesn't matter. Thank you to everyone who reviewed and thank you to everyone who took the time to read this far. I love you all. Don't own anything you recognise, that's all Stephanie's. Enjoy!

**Supernova**

Chapter 10: "_Stay, Lady, Stay, Stay With Your Man Awhile, Until The Break Of Day, Let Me See You Make Him Smile._" – Bob Dylan, Lay Lady Lay.

"You sound different," Molly observed all of ten seconds into our phone call.

I was sprawled out on my back across the bedroom floor, feet climbing up the soft cream of the wall. My newly painted red toes standing out like neon against the neutral background. "Do I?" I said in my most innocent voice.

"Yes, you do," Molly insisted. Then I heard someone muffled in the background. " Jenny would like to know 'if the reason for your perkiness is that you've finally shagged the local'?"

Heart started beating louder against my ribs. I was silent too long trying to think up the best answer that would produce the least questions and Molly knew it.

"You have!" She proclaimed, certain. Jenny shrieked so loud I had to hold the phone away from my ear, and I rolled my eyes to the ceiling.

"No I haven't!" I said when I could put the receiver back to my ear without risking a burst eardrum. "And, can you tell the banshee to keep it down back there?"

Molly laughed and turned away from the phone. "Shut up, Jen."

"_Sorry!"_ Came the yelled apology.

"I'll tell her where I've hidden the stash of Cadbury's in a minute, that'll keep her quite," Molly teased. "So," back to the interrogation in hand, "something has happened. Spill. I'm guessing it has to do with the gorgeous eyed guy, Jay? Jack? The really brave one that - heaven forbid! - dared to look at you."

"It's Jacob," I corrected, inadvertently answering all her unspoken questions.

"Ah, yes, Jacob."

"Stop it," I growled.

"What?" she asked in a faultless 'who me?'

"I can hear the smug smile, Molly."

Pause. "You can't hear smiles, Alex, don't be stupid. Hang on, Jenny has something to say…" There was a muffled exchange that made me wish I were back home again. "Ok, so Jenny would like you to 'stop stalling and tell us what the bloody hell is going on so she can go and gorge herself on chocolate.'"

My feet slid half the way down the wall and I turned my head to see the dresses I had brought hanging up on my wardrobe ready. Then, sat on the edge of the desk I could make out the curve of stone Jacob had given to me that day by the river, when he told me everything about Bella and him and Edward and the rest of the Cullen family and why he had to go to this sham of a wedding today. The stone was a perfect smooth circle, it shimmered grey in the dying light and had been clutched tightly in my palm the entire ride home until it was as warm as my skin. A circle has no beginning and no ending, its strong and everlasting.

"We're…" I trailed off unsure now that I had to define it what exactly we were to each other. "I don't really know. We're just hanging out at the moment."

"Hanging out?" Molly said in that dissecting voice that told me she was reading into my every word and hesitation. "Jennifer! No! Hands off! Hey!" there was a short scuffle.

"Have you snogged him yet?" Jenny panted, gleefully out of breath after wrestling the phone from Molly – who was a notorious biter.

"No."

"But you want to right?"

Those butterflies that had taken up residence in my belly ever-since yesterday started up their insistent fluttering. "We're taking it slow."

"Awww!" I heard her coo in that really annoying way. If I were there in Molly's room with them I would have smacked her for it. "Our ickle Alexie is in love!"

My stomach dropped. "No I am not!" The protests were drowned out by Jenny's gleeful proclamations and I could tell by the jangling of her bangles that she was dancing about. "Jenny! I'm not!"

"Ouch!" Jenny groaned.

"Alex?" Molly asked.

"Yeah?" I grumbled.

"Hold on…" When she came back to the phone she sounded like my mother when she finally put the twins and George to bed and collapsed into a sofa. "So… Jenny's guzzling chocolate. Peace at last. What's all this about love?"

Heat was creeping into my cheeks. Suddenly my room felt fiercely stuffy. I should have opened a window. I could suffocate from the polish fumes. "Nothing. Nothing." I muttered as I scrambled up and shoved a window wide open.

"Uh huh."

"It's… it's complicated. I can't really talk to you about it." It sounded fake and flaky and like some cliché excuse.

"Ok." Molly said. As if it was as simple as that. "You sound good by the way. Different, but good."

* * *

Mirrors. They show the truth. Whatever your flaws are they are reflected back at you so that you can no longer pretend or conceal, but are forced to admire or destroy.

For a long time I avoided looking in them, afraid to see what would be shown, afraid that I wouldn't be able to meet my own eyes. Now, I stood in my dressing gown and stared at the long forgotten face. It was both alien and familiar. My hair fell shorter to my shoulders, my skin was paler but still with a hint of those childhood freckles across the bridge of my nose (fairy foot prints, my mother said), and my lips, parting with a life of their own into a new soft smile. It was the bright blue of my eyes that took me by surprise, the way they shone back at me. No fear.

That wasn't true. There was a touch of fear, but it was no longer enough to devour the light that was sparking up inside of me.

With sure hands I loosened the tie at my waist. The heavy fabric slid from my shoulders to pool at my bare feet. There I stood in my bra and knickers. The image was fuller than I remembered, curves. The skin smooth, pale, with almost invisible silvery lines that traced across my hips. This was I. Alexandra Grant. Age 16.

I stared at myself for a full minute more before Diana called up the stairs that it was nearly time to go and Jacob would be here to collect me soon.

The dress I chose was a cute fifties halter-neck, white, with black cherry print across it, just girly enough. As I tugged the zipper up I wondered again at what I was doing. Was I brave? Or stupid?

What kind of person goes to a wedding that will be filled with vampires? It was beyond my comprehension why Jacob was going at all. He had tried to save her life but she was determined to throw it away. It made me feel a little queasy to think that she was going to be turned into one of them, willingly.

_Soul mates. Best friends. _

That is what Jacob had described them as. How could he be Bella's soul mate and still claim to care more for me? How could Bella be his and yet marry another man? I didn't understand what was better than a soul mate. All my life I had been told that soul mates were the ultimate love and now I was being informed that something existed that could beat that. Of course vampires and werewolves weren't suppose to be walking the streets of Forks either.

Reality was changing so quickly that I felt like I was grasping at threads of knowledge trying to weave them together and all the time they kept slipping through my fingers. I stood there with no better understanding than I had when I first came.

The Cullen's were vampires who didn't eat humans. Dr Cullen was a vampire.

Bella was going to marry a vampire and she knew it, she wanted it, she wanted to be one of them. Jacob had almost lost it when he told me this and I could understand why.

To give up her life like that. Was it brave? Foolish?

Was she stronger than I had at first believed, able to look past the dark and see only the light? But to truly love a person, all parts, both the darkness and the light must be seen, accepted, cherished as one and the same.

Was she weak? Selfish? Unable to see that sometimes we cannot always have the thing we love most. That we are giving up too much, hurting too many others for it to ever be right. Can love be justification enough for that?

Or was she merely a stupidly ungrateful girl with no concept of what it means, of what a gift life is and how it should be treasured, never wasted? Did she not understand that the dead are never forgotten to the living? That time doesn't always heal. Loss is like an eternal bruise beneath the surface, pain rising fresh when pressed. A scar, a constant reminder etched into our skin, into our souls, changing us forever.

"Alexandra!"

Diana called up the stairs and I jolted from my revelry, eyes focusing back to the mirror image of myself. A glistening trail down my cheek was brushed swiftly away by shaking hands.

"I'll be down in a moment!" I yelled back, voice sounding strained as I neatened the mascara around my eyes. Fingers grabbed for the scarlet cardigan that lay on my bed and I slid my feet into the matching red peep toe flats that sat by the door (I wasn't risking heals with my ankle). I hurried from the room feeling the need for Jacob's warmth, his brightness.

When I reached the bottom of the stairs they were tucked in the sitting room. Jacob was stood nearest to the door, probably ready to make his getaway, dressed in black trousers and a white shirt. He looked good. "Hey…" I breathed, lifting my bag from the sofa I had chucked it on earlier.

"Hey…" Jacob's husky voice returned, easing my apprehension at once, perhaps he was a warlock as well. "Nice dress."

I glanced up to see Diana shooting him withering glares. "You look **stunning**, Alex," she said pointedly and I almost laughed.

"Thank you," I smiled at her.

She sent me one back, genuinely happy. "You will bring her back if it gets too cold," she warned Jacob as I made towards the door. "I don't understand why they couldn't have held it during the day."

I flinched. I knew of a good reason why we were setting out at 7:30 for a twilight wedding. Glittering in the sun? Madness.

Jacob nodded, soberly. "I won't let her out of my sight."

"That's what you think," I muttered, a little teasing, a little serious. I wasn't one to be bossed about by anyone.

He heard and sent me a hard look in return. I knew that it wasn't to smother me only to protect me, but I wasn't a china vase, I had managed to look after myself for the last 16 years pretty well on my own. On the other hand, apart from Seth there was only Jacob that I wanted to talk to there so it was a battle that didn't need to be fought.

"We should get going." I gave Diana another reassuring grin, she was eyeing Jacob like he was a… well… a wolf, and I was little red riding hood. Her look said 'If you damage one hair on that girl's head I will be after you with a shot gun.' It was nice to know. Made me feel all warm and cocooned like a giant Aunt shaped blanket and my nerves eased somewhat.

Outside by the curb sat the rabbit Jacob had built himself. The only thing I had ever built was a pasta picture frame in first school, and even then most of the fusilli had abandoned ship before I got home and the glitter glue left a sparkling trail across my bedroom floor. So I was suitably impressed by Jacob's apparent handyman-ness. As I made to get in the passenger side he swept past me and opened the door with a great dramatic flourish. I shook my head at the display but climbed in all the same.

He sat in the drivers seat with a grin. "You're being surprisingly civil so far," he noted.

I frowned. He was right. "Make the most of it. Nothing lasts forever."

The engine roared into life and just before he pulled away into the road he turned to me again with a soft smile. "You look beautiful," he said and I rolled my eyes in an attempt to halt the blush creeping stealthily up my neck.

"Just drive before I change my mind," I ordered. Then peering out the window at the familiar scenery I muttered, "_Chee_-_sy_."

* * *

It was silent in the car on the journey home. All around us the night was thick, streetlights straining to penetrate the darkness that had fallen. The windows were rolled down and I breathed in that cool freshness after what had seemed like unnaturally stifling air at the ceremony. The clock on the dash read 12:07 as we wound through the empty roads, the trees rising up beside us and filling me with that fear I forced down. The dread of the unknown, of the black corners, the places we fear to tread.

Bella had looked beautiful. She was truly lovely in her white dress, cheeks rosy in the fading light, angelic. There was a small trip as she made the four steps up to the platform and under the arch of flowers. Edward seemed to catch her before she even tipped and there was an audible breath of relief from the guests.

He was beautiful too. Edward Cullen. They all were, but now I knew the truth their beauty was like comparing a photo of a child to the living thing. One would forever be caught in that moment; the other would grow, its beauty would change, and its beauty was in those changes. The laughter lines, the freckles that spring up in the sunlight, the strength, then the fragility. A whole life reflected there. The Vampires were so beautiful like statues of Grecian gods. But I would rather watch a sapling become a tree than stone remain forever stone.

It was a quiet ceremony, and I spent most of my time scanning the guests and picking human from vampire. It wasn't hard.

Jacob's eyes did not stray from the front, face set like cement. Halfway through the vows his hand reached across to clasp mine tightly and did not let it go for the remainder of the evening. Pain radiated from him, etched into every line of his face.

When Bella came to greet us with shy, apologetic smiles I was forced to clench my free fist at my side. She thanked him for coming, it meant so much to her. Her eyes flickered to our joined hands and a sad smile tugged at her lips. Edward appeared in less than a minute, arm slipping around her waist, eyes hard on Jacob.

It was tempting to ask him if she was ever let off the leash. But when those topaz eyes shot to mine fiercely and in an instant Jacob had pulled me closer, a low growl slipping from his throat, I remembered what I had been told. Powers. Mind reading. Oops. That would get incredibly annoying for everyone involved after a while. There is a reason our thoughts are our own.

Dr Cullen came over to greet us, asked how my ankle was holding up. It was awkward now I knew the truth and he didn't talk with us long.

Just before we were going to leave Bella managed to sneak away from her guard-dog. She persuaded Jacob to let me go for a minute so that she could speak to me privately. It was strange to stand there with her all dressed up in celebration knowing that soon everyone here would be morning her death, or disappearance. Bella thanked me. I didn't understand what I needed to be thanked for.

There were two Jacob's she told me: the good, happy, sunshine Jacob, and the moody, arrogant, pushy Jacob. The first she had always referred to as Her Jacob, she explained this like we were now friends. Hardly. He was the boy that helped her through the hardest time, her best friend. She was glad that I had brought him back and that he had me. And she told me once again to look after him, like I was his new owner and she was explaining that if I didn't exercise him enough he'd chew up the carpet.

So I said to her, with any lingering trace of civility gone. "Do you see a name tag on him anywhere? A 'property of Bella Swan' stamped across his forehead? He's Jacob, just Jacob. And if he wants to be angry, or moody, or stubborn then he can – it doesn't make him a bad person. If he wants to smile, and laugh, and joke around then he will – but he won't be being your Jacob, he'll just be being Jacob. You don't own him, Bella and you have no place judging him."

Of course she hadn't meant it like that… of course.

A pixie like brunette flittered over to us and I half expected her to start sprinkling fairy dust around. Instead, she looped her arm into Bella's and insisted with big golden eyes that the bride had to go throw the bouquet of flowers. This idea didn't seem to appeal to Bella but she allowed herself to be lead away and I wasn't upset that our conversation had been cut short.

That was the moment we decided to leave.

* * *

When the car pulled up to the curb there had still not been a word spoken and I stared up at the house noting that all the lights were out. Diana had trusted me enough to not wait up for me.

Jacob's mask slipped. Behind it his eyes were bloodshot, glistening with tears he was refusing to shed, his mouth was drawn tight, jaw clenched, and his shoulders squared stiffly against the back of the seat. There were no words to break the heavy atmosphere, neither of us had the will to find them. I leaned over and pulled his key from the ignition.

Inside I made a quick call to Billy, leaving a message that his son was safe and alive. Then I returned to the sitting room where I had left him. The lights were still off and I stood in the doorway staring at his shadowy form on the sofa. He had curled on his side, arms wrapped tight about his middle as if he was trying desperately to hold himself together. My heart swelled and I wondered that it hadn't burst from my chest. I swallowed roughly, the familiar sting at the base of my nose, and it was then that I understood what this evening had been.

It was not a wedding; it was a funeral. He was morning her death.

Quiet as I could I crept over to him, slipping off my pumps. I unlaced the smart shoes he'd borrowed from Billy and placed them on the floor. His eyes were large, dark, glittering in the gloom, childlike. For a moment I was reminded of when my baby brother George broke his favourite toy, the one he slept curled up with every night and wouldn't part with even for mum to wash it. Once he had cried himself hoarse he had peered up at me with those bright wet eyes asking if there was any chance it could be mended, put back together again so he could love it like before.

Even though Jacob was contracted in on him-self I cradled his head with ease and slipped under resting him back on my lap. In an instant his fingers latched into the fabric of my dress as if afraid I would leave. There was no way I was going anywhere. My hands brushed over the inky strands of hair that spilled across my lap the way my mother had once. Comfort. Reassurance. _I'm right here_. _Not going anywhere_. Eventually his breathing slowed, eyes fluttering shut, and those tightly clenched fists loosened. The tips of my fingers traced over the arch of his brows, the rise of his cheekbones, the bridge of his nose. I leaned softly down and let my lips capture the cool tear as it trailed the hot skin of his cheek.

We stayed like that until the light of dawn filtered in through the lace-covered window. I awoke with no memory of having slept and I drifted off again almost instantly, Jacob's muffled snores a strangely sweet lullaby.

* * *

It was the front door closing that finally brought me back from my dreams. I blinked in the morning light feeling like a mole with my first taste of sun. Jacob slept on. I finger combed his messy hair back from his face, smiling a little at the way his lips had pouted out during the night.

As the haze of sleep drifted away I came to the heart-warming realisation that Diana must have left to do the shopping she had been muttering about yesterday. She must have passed the sitting room. She had to have seen us. She let us be. It was then that I was truly grateful of her quiet wisdom, her calmness, and her peace.

While Jacob was taking a shower I rummaged around the kitchen to find something I could cook up. There wasn't a lot. I managed to discover some bacon, sausages, eggs, bread, tomatoes, and mushrooms. English breakfast it was – or had to be because that was all I was skilled enough to make edible. The pan was set on the heat and the eggs whisked up. I switched on the radio. Silence had its place but this was not it. Not now.

Music filtered out of the speakers and I found myself humming, then singing along with it as I worked. There were eggshells in the bowl I had to scoop out. The sausages burnt on one side more than the other. I got hit with spitting oil frequently. The toast was the all that came out perfectly golden and that was only because Diana so efficiently set up the toaster.

I was hurriedly flinging the tomatoes and mushrooms onto a plate when I heard the bottom stair creak and I spun around, pan still in hand, to see a slightly bedraggled looking Jacob in the doorway. The dark circles under his eyes were still there and the slump of his shoulders was a telling sign of his grief, but he managed to pull a smile.

"I made breakfast," I said proudly.

He peered around me, eyebrow arched at the plate piled high with blackened food. "Is it safe? Kind of looks like someone already ate it."

"Excuse me!" I said in outrage, putting the pan in the sink and sliding the plate onto the table. "Of course it's edible!" Did he not realise that I had abandoned my feminist ways to slave over this stove for 20 minutes just for him? He lifted a piece of charcoal that had once been bacon and used it to stir the pulp of tomato and mushrooms. "Well, ok, so maybe…" I conceded, folding my arms across my chest, a little sore. "It was the thought that counts. I haven't done it in a long time so it was bound to be a bit off. My, uh, well, my dad taught me when I was little. He was much better. It's the only thing I can cook – or _could_ cook."

Jacob, obviously noting the bruised tone of my voice, quickly shoved a piece of toast into his mouth and made overly dramatic appreciative noises, rubbing his stomach and closing his eyes. "It's good toast."

I glared at him. "Three cheers for the toaster!"

He laughed. "Go get showered, Alex. I'll wash up down here."

"You need to eat." I protested when he strode across to me and placed a warm hand to the small of my back, guiding me out of the room towards the stairs.

"And I will. I'm taking you out for breakfast."

Oh. "Cool."

* * *

The café Jacob drove us to was just outside of the town, towards the Olympic national park. Supposedly they served the best pancakes in Clallam County. Which was why it was getting so busy and the waitresses all looked about ready to shoot the next person who wanted a refill. So we settled into the thickly padded seats on either side of the table and placed our orders swiftly. Pancakes.

"Favourite colour," I said.

He grinned, leaning back in the seat, coolly confident. "Purple."

"How did you know that?"

"Easy peasy," he waved a hand. "Your toes were painted purple on the beach that night, and you've worn at least one item of clothing that colour every time I've seen you."

"Apart from yesterday," I pointed out just because I couldn't let him be so completely right. "You are scarily observant. I think I should find that creepy."

The suggestion didn't seem to bother him. "What about mine?" he encouraged with a smile.

I smirked. "Black?"

His eyes rolled to the ceiling then back to me. "You're so funny, Alexandra. Really, my sides are splitting."

"Alright!" I said. "No need for the sarcasm. If you could paint your nails it would help."

"Red."

I started rearranging the ketchup packets in the holder. Separating the salt, pepper, salad cream, and mayonnaise. "Flower."

He snorted, puffing out his chest. "I'm a man. We don't like flowers. We like bugs and cars and rolling around in mud."

"Sorry, did I just offend your masculinity?"

"That's alright woman." He goaded. "You can iron my clothes later to make up for it." My mouth fell open in preparation to berate him after such sexist language when he jumped in with a grin. "What's your favourite flower?"

Eyes still narrowed into a glare. "Oleander."

He laughed. "For real? I would have guessed Orchids."

"Nether," I shook my head, "its actually: Yellow Tulips."

That surprised him. "Huh. Ok." Folding the paper napkin into triangles he said: "Meerkats."

"What?" I glanced up from the neatly ordered sachets.

He caught me off guard and it pleased him. "When you go to the zoo the animals you really want to see are the Meerkats."

"Cause they're so hilarious with their twitchy noses!" I nodded.

"And the way they scramble up on their hind legs, peering about."

"Yeah! The babies are the cutest ever. I loved Timon from the Lion King."

Jacob grinned. "They are the funniest animals."

"Apart from Lamas," I pointed out.

He thought about it for a moment then flashed his white teeth in a smile. "Yeah, you're right. Lamas and Meerkats."

The waitress came over and slid our drinks onto the tabletop, my tea splashed up the sides of the cup like a tidal wave. Droplets of Jacob's coffee hit the clean surface, black/brown against the light blue. "Food will be out in a minute," she said as she wandered off back behind the counter.

"Thanks," I muttered, pouring sugar and milk into my drink and stirring. Regarding the boy across the table from me shrewdly I asked: "Furthest from home you've ever been."

"Canada," was the short reply. I arched a brow in question, there was obviously more to it than that. He chewed his lip in deliberation, and then sighed in defeat. "Alright, alright. Did Leah tell you that I ran away?" I shook my head. "Well, it was when I first got that wedding invite." I tensed, oops; this was probably not something he wanted to share right now. "I was angry, and hurt, and humiliated, about the whole thing. So I phased and ran."

"All the way to Canada?" That was nuts.

He shrugged with a rueful grin. "I decided that being human… always feeling so much…" He broke off and started again. "There is a legend that tells of how when Taha Aki's spirit wife died he became a wolf again and never turned back, became at one with the animal inside. I wanted to do that - to leave myself behind. Does that make sense?"

To not feel so much all the time? Yeah, that made perfect sense. The spirit wives and animals? Not really. "Yes it does," I said, "not the wolf part. But the trying to out run your pain? Yeah, I get that. Did it work?"

He was watching me with those dark eyes, warm, penetrating. When I was with Jacob it felt for the first time that someone was actually seeing me and that alone was terrifying. Now that I was beginning to get used to it I almost enjoyed it. "No. Not really. Turned out there are some things you just have to face. But the scenery was nice."

I chuckled at that. "Yeah? You eat rabbits and deer?"

He nodded. "Uh huh. Couldn't wait to get back to Emily's cooking."

"I'll bet."

"What about you? Is this the farthest from home you've ever been?"

"Yes." I took a sip of my tea. "When I was little we had a house in the south of France. Complete with vineyards, sunflowers, and a crumbling farmhouse. It was the thing to do then. Buy a cheap old building and do it up all bohemian like. My mum was a French teacher as well, so she already loved the country. That's where we always went on holiday and school trips."

"So you speak French then?" He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"Oui!" I answered. "For the summers that we spent down there I wasn't allowed to talk in English. Mum wanted me to be bilingual."

"That's mean."

"Yeah, but it worked. I'm not fluent or anything, but I can hold a conversation."

He whistled. "Impressive. I sucked at Spanish and French."

"What about Quileute?"

He dismissed it with a hand wave. "Yeah, but that's only useful around the rez."

I rolled my eyes. "Sounds pretty cool to me."

The waitress weaved around a pair of bickering children and over to our table. She set the two huge plates of pancakes down and slapped the bill under a maple syrup bottle. "Enjoy," she grumbled as she left.

"Wow, that's a lot of pancakes." My eyes widened in delight.

"Yup," Jacob agreed.

I glanced up at him with a wicked grin. "Race you."

He looked amused at the idea I could ever attempt to beat him at eating. He probably had a point. In fact, he _did_ have a point. Still. "Count of three…"

"One…" I picked up my fork.

"Two…" he spun the plate into the appropriate position.

I shoved a pancake into my mouth and mumbled around the food: "Three!"

"Cheater!" Jacob accused as his first cake went in whole.

"It's my handicap!" I defended.

He snorted. "This isn't golf."

The rest of the argument was lost in the chewing, and the focused drizzling of maple syrup over our food.

Jacob won. But I didn't really mind because he was smiling and the warm sunlight was chasing the shadows from his eyes.


	11. Behind the smile

**A/N: **So i got this out quicker than expected, i'm not sure if thats good or bad, but here it is - It's a bit dark and angsty. I don't own anything you recognise.

Big thank you to everyone who reviewed! Enjoy!

* * *

**Supernova**

Chapter 11: "_And It's Always Little Things That To The Surface Brings, The Comfort In The Pain, The Fear Behind The Smile._" – Oleander, Halo.

My fingers tapped an irregular rhythm across the desktop as the page in front of me loaded so slowly I was going to be grey by the time I got to read my inbox. I heard the creak as my aunt made her way across the landing. She knocked politely on the door and then opened it wide, walking fully into the room.

"Morning Alex," was her greeting as she took note of me awake and sat at the computer screen in my pyjamas. "You're up early."

Letting out a large yawn I nodded, twisting in my seat to face her. "Yeah, I couldn't sleep."

I watched as she bent over and lifted my jeans from the floor, folding them neatly and placing them on the end of my bed. "You were out late with Leah."

That was not the reason. Leah and I had gone up to Port Angeles for the evening to see a movie. We were safely home by 10:30pm because it sucked so we went for pizza instead. "Yeah, maybe that's it," I said for Diana's benefit.

There was a shrewd silence as my aunt crossed the room to stand behind me. "Do you want to talk about it? Is something bothering you?" My knee bounced under the desk in agitation. "Alex?"

"What is love?" I asked, frowning up at her. "I don't understand it."

Her face softened and she smiled compassionately down at me a hand reaching out to brush my hair from my face. "No one understands it, Alex."

"That's stupid."

"Then maybe that is what love is – stupid."

I grinned ruefully. "It does make people into morons."

She untangled a knot in my hair with gentle fingers, patient as always. "There wouldn't happen to be specific idiots you are referring to, would there?"

"Maybe," I evaded. I had been thinking about Bella and Edward all night. Trying desperately to unravel the mystery of their love. Was it pure, beautiful, strong? Was it selfish, hurtful, wrong? Was it true, everlasting, right?

And why did Bella love him? A vampire. Sure, he was a rich and had the looks of a god, but that can't be all that's needed for love. Not a love that drives you to change yourself so completely, irrevocably, to spend eternity with that person. There had to be something more. Had to be.

And, is it real love if you have to give up your humanity, your very essence?

"It can be selfish and hurtful," I said thinking of that night with Jacob after the wedding.

"Sometimes I wonder if there is anything more selfish than love; to want to keep one person for you alone, purely because they make _you_ feel good, happy. Yet, when you look around there are so many ways to love someone that maybe when it becomes selfish it's because you chose to make it so."

I sighed. "What do you think it is? What makes you fall in love with someone?"

Dropping her fingers from my hair she rested her hand on my shoulder. The weight was grounding, reassuring. "My goodness. Couldn't you ask me what I thought about the death penalty, or poverty in the third world, or the war in Iraq? Something a little easier."

I chuckled. "Sorry. I guess it's a pretty complicated emotion."

"No," she shook her head, surprising me. "I think that is where we all go wrong. Love is the simplest emotion. Anger? Now that is complex. Joy? So many people search and search for it and never find it. Love? It finds us. Nothing simpler, it just happens, without provocation or warning, it just is."

"But why is it not always understandable? I get Mum and David, they fit, it works. She likes the safety and stability he provides, he likes her kindness and strength. They both love reading in the sunlight, gardening, eating seafood, and taking long walks through the countryside." I paused. "What about when it's darker, less obvious?"

Diana was silent for a while then, mulling over her thoughts before she let them out. "I think," she began, carefully. "No," she changed her mind and started again. "I suppose it's knowing all the bad things about another person, all the secrets they keep from everyone else, the darkness; and trusting them enough to share our own in return. To see the very worst of another and for it not to blemish our opinion but rather strengthen it, that must be love. When nothing is sharp enough to cut the ties between us. Does that make sense?"

"Yes… it does."

She straightened up. "Good. Was there anything else bothering you? The meaning of life?" I shook my head, grinning. "Well, then, you'd best get up and ready for work. The day won't wait for us."

* * *

In the afternoon I took the last bus to La Push. The air was warm and light; a breeze shifted the leaves of the trees so that they sounded as if a great many secrets were being spoken, hushed as whispers between lovers. At the fishery I felt my heart grow heavy with memories of the last time I came here, the last time I had wanted to know everything. Back then I didn't know what it was I was asking. Back then anger was guiding my hurried footsteps through the settlement. Back then a storm was rumbling on the horizon.

Now my steps were calm and I knew the path I was taking. Another emotion, one not so easily identified was leading me onwards. A feeling that swelled in my chest slowly, barely noticeable at first, and at times so strong it could drown me. It was not the swift and furious heat of anger, but a gentle simmering beneath the surface that never left, only grew more each day until I could no longer remember being without it.

I was not scared as I climbed the steps of the red house and rapped my fist against the door. Though, when Billy Black answered I did feel a prickling of nerves across my palms. His dark eyes smiled at me. Or at least I hoped they did because sometimes it was hard to tell with Billy.

"Good afternoon, Alexandra," he said in his rumbling voice like boulders shifting.

"Mr Black," I replied with my politest smile, thinking that the last time we met I ran from his son like he was the devil himself and that is not the best of impressions to leave someone with.

"Call me Billy, please," he amended. "I take it you're here to see Jacob?"

"Uh, yeah, is he around?" my eyes drifted past him into the hallway but there was no sign of the 6ft werewolf anywhere.

Billy rolled his chair back into the house and waved a hand for me to follow him. "He's out with the pack, but he should be back in a short while. Come and sit with me."

Now I was definitely nervous as I forced my knees to bend and stepped in, closing the door behind. I had never really spent a lot, or any, time around a guys parents. I mean what did I have to say to them other than: 'Yeah, we met at a party.' 'Yeah, I was totally drunk.' 'Sure, I think we used protection.' That kind of thing didn't go down too well.

Billy turned into the tiny sitting room and gestured for me to sit. I peered around the room as the silence spread on and my gaze lighted on a row of photographs haphazardly bunched on a coffee table. There was Jacob, and two pretty girls – sisters? It was taken at a beachside wedding, everyone smiling.

"Is she your daughter?" I asked, praying that it was and I hadn't just said something really idiotic.

He followed were I was pointing and nodded. "They both are. Rebecca and Rachel, Jacob's older sisters."

"Oh, where are they?" By the looks of it they had to be a few years older. Twins, maybe, because their ages seemed to be close.

"Rebecca is in Hawaii with her husband. He grew up over there. Becky wants to train to teach kids, she says, although she changes her mind every-time I speak to her so…" He shook his head as if a little exasperated with his offspring. "Rachel is at the university in Seattle. She's doing business-something-or-other. I can never remember the name. Loves it in the city, though, it's a different world."

"You worry about her?" I asked noting the concern that laced his tone.

He looked for a second more at the photo, and then turned to me with a grin. "What parent doesn't worry every second of every day about what their children are up to?"

I guess he was right. Was that an unbreakable love like Diana described, the love of a parent for their child? And what of the child? Can they love their parent all the time, no matter what wrongs may be done to them? Or seen by them?

It was at that timely moment that the back door swung open and we heard water from the tap in the kitchen gush into the sink. Billy rolled his eyes. "That'll be Jake."

Sure enough, not two seconds later the boy in question appeared in the doorway with sopping wet hair and a bemused smile. "Hey Alex!" Billy cleared his throat pointedly. "Hello Dad."

Satisfied the older man rolled out of the room and I heard his wheels squeaking down the hallway. "Nice to see you Alex!"

"The pack got problems?" I asked as Jacob brushed his hair back from his face and tied it with an elastic band.

"Nah," he dismissed my concern with a shrug and a grin, "just making sure the Cullen's _guests_ all left safely."

"Oh."

Flopping down on the sofa next to me he slung his bare arm across my shoulders and pulled me (struggling) against him. I tried to push away and maintain my aloof dignity but he was way too strong for me and I'm not even sure he noticed I was fighting back. Eventually I gave up and slumped down with my head resting on his torso. I could hear the steady beating of his heart.

"Did you miss me?" He said, voice rumbling through his chest.

"No," I pouted.

"Oh yeah?" he sounded like he didn't believe me one little bit. "Then what are you doing sat on my sofa huh?"

"I happened to be passing." Jacob laughed, his chest bounced uncomfortably under me and I lifted my head to twist around and glare at him. "What's so funny, jerk?"

"Just passing?" he chuckled. "You just happened to get the bus all the way out to La Push after work and pass by my house on your spontaneous walk around the rez?"

"Perhaps you are not aware of this but spontaneous walks are very cathartic and I happen to love them – so there. Besides, what about a damp, sweaty, obnoxious, werewolf is there to miss?" Oh, boy, my mind just hit the gutter.

And, judging by the wolfish grin Jacob was giving me so had his. The heat rushed up my body with such a speed that it was a wonder I hadn't self-combusted. Heart thudding with such vigour against its cage I knew he had to be able to hear it. Dark, warm eyes stared down at me, waiting. It would be so easy to just tilt my chin up those few inches and press our lips together. I wanted to. I really, really wanted to. My tongue darted out to trace my lower lip with a mind of its own. His eyes flicked to watch the movement then back to my eyes, questioning.

No. Not yet. I turned away; my gaze falling back on the photograph perched on the table. Jacob groaned behind me and I felt the cushions shift as his head thumped back. To know all of a persons dark, that's what Diana had said, and that is what I had to know before _this_ went any further. Right from the very first moment we met there was something more. He was never going to be just a one-night-stand. The ending was going to hurt, and part of myself was shying away from what it saw as inevitability. But it was like Molly had said, I had to take the leap and see where I landed. Maybe it would only end in more pain, maybe not. I would never know until I tried. No running, no hiding.

"Sorry," I apologised, feeling like he must think me a tease or completely skittish.

Two warm hands rubbed down my arms and wrapped around my middle, pressing my back tight to his chest. "What's bothering you?"

My breath in was deep, filling my lungs and for a moment I imagined the oxygen particles spreading out across my body, giving life. When I spoke I found my voice was hushed. Perhaps I was hoping that he would miss hear me. "I want to see you."

I don't think his mind had made the climb back out from the gutter because I felt him grin against my shoulder blade. "What part of me did you want to see, exactly?"

Taking his joined hands in mine I loosened their hold around my waist and I climbed to the side, kneeling up to face him, eye to eye. "The wolf," I said, and swallowed because my throat seemed to close up behind the words.

It took a few seconds for what I had said to sink in and I saw the exact moment it did. Fear. It rushed into those brown eyes so forcefully that he hadn't time to cover it. "Alex…" he breathed. "I… I…"

"Please, Jacob. I need to see you. All of you." I didn't want to sound like I was begging, and I think if he had denied me I would have accepted it without a fuss.

"If that's what you want," he agreed, still looking as if he would rather be removing his own eyeballs with a spoon.

I tried to smile but the muscles around my mouth wouldn't cooperate and I think it came out as more of a grimace. "It is."

Jacob's expression was carefully neutral. "You don't have to do anything you don't feel ready for. You don't have to ever… if you don't want to."

"I know," I breathed in and reaching across the short space between us I clasped his hand in mine. "This has to be done. I can't spend my whole life afraid… I don't want to be alone anymore."

Barely waiting for the end of my sentence Jacob swept forward and captured my lips with his. All the fear, the uncertainty of the moment was there in the meeting of our mouths. I felt like my chest was too small to hold my heart and lungs any longer. It wasn't more than the touching of his lips to mine and yet there was such strength, such a feeling of truth in it that my nerves calmed, and when we parted I smiled.

He grinned back, and it looked like the start of a blush stole up his neck. "Just in case," he said huskily for an explanation.

I understood what he meant. Just in case it's the only one. Just in case you run from me again. Just in case this is it.

I didn't want it to be over. I really hoped that it wouldn't be. But I couldn't promise. My nature was to run from such confrontations, and I felt then that maybe it always would be.

That wasn't what Jacob needed to hear. Instead I stood up and with my hand in his I said: "Bring it on, Jakey."

* * *

Sunlight danced through the leaves of the trees that bordered the Black's home. The afternoon air had cooled but it was still warm out, a light breeze brushing past my cheeks as I waited. The area around the back of the little red house was where Jacob had his garage/workshop. Trees enclosed it so that it was almost invisible to those passing by on the road, and if you went to the other side, facing the forest, you couldn't be seen. The perfect secluded spot. I was close enough to civilization to ease my nerves if everything went wrong. Jacob promised over and over that he would not hurt me, but I remembered Leah telling me it was hard to control at times. The hypochondriac in me kept repeating in my head that he _could_ loose it and I would have no way of fighting him off.

A wolf. I didn't like wolves. Never had liked them ever since I was a child. I was a cat person through and through. Why couldn't he turn into a tiger or leopard? Why wolf?

I was chewing the inside of my lip wondering how much longer he was going to take, and whether he could take forever if I wished it enough. A small part of myself was proud that I had refused the presence of Leah. I was facing this myself without someone to lean on. This was my battle and I was determined to win this time.

Between the trunks of the shadowy trees I saw something shift and my breath caught tight. _Breathe. Breathe. Breathe, Alex!_ Another movement caught my eye as I felt my knees tremble and forced a shuddering breath out. _It's ok. It's only Jacob. Breathe. _Why was he doing this? Freaking me out even more than I already was. I wanted him to hurry the fuck on with this so I could faint, or scream, or laugh, or whatever and have done with it. The waiting was killing me.

"Jacob," I tried to say sternly, but when it came out as a near whimper I decided not try again.

He was silent as he moved; it was only the sun catching on his eyes and fur that alerted me to his presence at all. Finally a muzzle materialized out of the gloom, followed quickly by two strangely familiar brown eyes set in russet fur. I was frozen as the giant wolf padded carefully into the small clearing and waited with cautious steps and uncertain eyes. _Breathe. Breathe. Air in. Air out. _He had been telling the truth, I knew it, but I didn't believe it until now. Not really. And even as I stood there facing the mythical creature I wondered if maybe I should be in an institution.

The wolf. Jacob. Lowered slowly to the ground, never taking that gaze from me. I watched, jaw slack, as he rolled over onto his back and his tongue lolled out to one side. A surprised laugh snuck up on me. Oh, my, god.

Coughing to clear my throat I finally found my voice. "Jacob?"

I jumped when the wolf yapped what I took to be a short affirmative. He flopped to his side, tilting his head back to watch me where I was stood glued to the spot. I couldn't take my eyes from the sight.

"Can I…" I choked on the last word and had to start again. "Can I touch you? Is that ok?"

Another yap accompanied by a nod was my answer. I didn't move. I was a little worried that if I did I would run. But the more I looked into his eyes the more I knew that there was nothing to fear here.

My feet stumbled a little as if they had been prepared for another course of action. Still reminding myself to breath I walked over. His face turned, as I got closer, tilting to the side in the most adorable way. Crouching down pushing past the resistance my knees were putting up I reached a trembling hand out. My fingers buried deep into the thick fur of his shoulder. He was softer than I had expected. And when I began to stroke along his side he let out a low, contented rumble.

"This is so weird." I was getting braver; I sat on the ground closer to him, needing to touch. "So, so weird."

Jacob seemed at ease to just let me run my hands through his fur and so I did until the sun began to sink behind the treetops. This was the most insane thing I had ever experienced, it was half dream, half nightmare, and completely amazing. Werewolves were real. So, vampires were real. It didn't fill me with terror any longer, more a twisting excitement, and that thrill from watching a really great horror movie. There were no blood or guts just a huge, soft, wolf who was practically purring.

Something came over me then as I leaned back into Jacob, letting his warmth seep in where the sun was leaving. It was a peace, a feeling of being exactly where I wanted to be at that moment. I had dismissed magic many years ago as a product of Disney but now I was wondering if it did exist. Not the kind with glittering spells and wands and witches, but the kind that comes from finding the thing you hadn't realised you were looking for. The magic from being with another person who doesn't make you afraid of the darkness inside, who fills you with their light, that indescribable feeling of truth.

My eyes fluttered shut, and I breathed Jacob in deep as I could. Then I spoke the words that I feared the most. "My father died." The rumbling stopped and I felt him shift underneath me, but my eyes remained closed, remembering what I had forbidden myself to recall. "He, uh, worked with peoples money. Investing it for them, I think, I never really found out what his job was, and it never mattered to me. I was eleven, Daddy's little girl. I loved him so much. Mum and me had always clashed, too similar, too fiery." I swallowed thickly, this was harder than I thought it would be.

"He worked in the city. Started to spend more and more time at the office or locked in his workroom at home. They argued a lot. I heard shouting and I would shove the headphones of my tape player on and turn it up until it hurt my ears. I could still hear them though. Dad had lost a lot of money. It wasn't his money and everyone was after him about it.

"I…" my voice caught in my throat, this was the hard part, this was walking the tightrope blindfolded and praying that someone would catch me if I fell. "His car was in the drive when I came home that day. I was annoyed because it meant I would have to keep quiet and I wanted to watch TV. Mum left me a note on the kitchen counter saying that she had an errand to run and she wouldn't be long.

"Music was playing from his office, classical, calming. He didn't normally have songs on while he worked, said it was distracting, so I thought that maybe he wasn't too busy. I went in. He was at his desk, cheek on the tabletop, slouched in his chair. He must have fallen asleep and with the boring music I could understand why. I wasn't strong enough to move him so I got the blanket from my room that my Granny had sewn and a pillow. Carefully I lifted his head, it was heavier than I expected, but I slipped the cushion under so that he had something soft to rest on and I tucked the blanket around him. He felt a little cold then like when he came in on an autumn night all red nosed and rosy cheeked. Only his nose wasn't red and neither were his cheeks.

"I left him up there. I was so pleased with myself for not waking him and making sure he was comfortable. I knew he would be glad of my thoughtfulness when he woke up. Downstairs I watched the TV with the sound so low I could barely here it.

"Mum came home full of bluster from some comment a lady at the check-out had made about her new hairstyle. I told her Dad was sleeping upstairs. She muttered about how he wasn't the only one working their arse off day in, day out, and that she'd like a nap every once in a while too. But she got dinner ready all the same.

"I was sat at the table waiting when she went upstairs to see if he was hungry. I had just sneaked a chip off of my plate when I heard the scream. For a second I thought she must know I hadn't waited for them, a mother's sixth sense. Then, as the sound reached into my chest and squeezed at my heart like vice I knew it was something more, something terrible. You just know it, instinctively. I can still hear my mother's cry. I'll never forget it -" I stopped abruptly. Could I finish this? After a moment I opened my eyes to the dusky evening. I was buried into Jacob's side and he had curled around me. My breath shook as I carried on; there was no turning back now.

"I ran up the stairs and into his room. Mum was curled on the floor with Dad's head cradled to her chest. The blanket I had wrapped around him was in a heap by his desk and some of his papers had scattered. She looked up at me with eyes like a lost child, red rimmed, full of tears. I was frozen. I didn't understand. He was sleeping, why was she so upset? I remember thinking that he was going to be mad at her for messing his work up when he woke. She told me to call the ambulance, and there was something in her voice that stopped me from arguing. Fear, maybe. I don't know, but I did as I was told. It was too late. He had been dead for hours, probably before I came home. Sleeping pills he took. They were on prescription from the doctor because he wasn't getting enough rest. But most of what was said in the days after I don't remember, I'm not sure I even heard anything."

My chest heaved with the effort it was taking to keep talking. I knew if I stopped now I would never finish it and I had to, I needed to with such desperation that it physically hurt. The monsters were out of the closet and I was facing them down. I would not hide away any more. "Mum sent me to counsellors because I wasn't talking to her. The thing was that she wasn't talking to me either, not about the things I really needed to hear. We just passed each other in the hallway and it was like 'oh, yeah, someone else is living here too'. She was fine; she started volunteering down at a friend's garden centre to get her out of the house, moving. That's where she met my stepfather David. He's a landscape designer, spends loads of time in garden centres, especially that particular one.

"The counsellors didn't help. But I found that alcohol did. Then I found that it was easier not get too close, because that's when it hurts the most…so I…" I choked on a sob as the tears rushed up full force. It was too much, I had said too much, it was just so easy with him like this and I could pretend that I was alone, that he wouldn't understand. But he would, he would understand it all. Blinking the moisture from my eyes I scrambled to my feet. I couldn't do this anymore. I needed to move; I needed to get away from here.

The wolf grunted sharply in protest as I stumbled away. Not daring to look back I rounded the trees and steadied myself on the wall of the garage. I carried on a second later, out to the road on shaky legs that didn't belong to me. Streetlamps began to glow in the growing dark. Silence had fallen over the seaside residence and my feet were impossibly loud against the pavement.

I had barely made it to the end of the street when two warm arms came around me, holding me from behind, refusing to let go as I tried to twist away from him, a rabbit caught in a trap. "Leave me!" I sobbed out, not caring how pathetic and how public it all was. "Just… please!"

"Shhh…" he hushed into my neck, breath warm against my cooling skin. "I'm not letting you go, Alex."

"Why?" I wailed, hands coming up to cover my eyes trying to hold the hysterics back. Trying to hide.

"Because," he said, turning me into his chest, "I don't want to. I really don't want to."

"Jacob…" I begged, not sure if I wanted him to stay or leave.

"It hurts more to be alone, Alex, you know that. _I_ know that."

His hands were running up and down my back, soothing my shaking shoulders with steady strokes. "I'm not a nice person," I protested, "I'm mean, and selfish, and spiteful and I don't deserve to be comforted."

"No," he breathed into my hair, "no, you're not-"

"But I am!" I cried out suddenly fierce. How could he not know that? "I pick fights with my mother. I ignore my stepfather. I upset my brother and sisters. I skip school, I drink so much that sometimes I can't even remember what I did, and I sleep around. I'm a slut, that's what they all say and they're right. I am. And there is no excuse for it. None. You deserve better. God! _Anyone_ would deserve better."

Jacob kept silent, letting it all pour out of me, his arms holding firm and showing no sign of releasing me from his grip. When I finished on a half sob, half hiccup he leaned back. Both hands came up and brushed the mess of hair back from my face and his thumbs lifted the moisture from my cheeks, just holding me there. He was looking at me in that way that scared me so much. Now I was more frightened of it than ever before because it had to be an illusion, a falsehood.

"It's not your fault your father died," he said, strong. "It was a horrible tragedy, but it was nothing to do with you, Alex. Do you understand?" I couldn't move. "Whatever you've done… it's done, the past. We all make mistakes – I know that better than anyone. No one is perfect and why would you want to be – it's boring. I promise you that no matter how many times you yell at me or call me names I'm going to keep coming back."

I felt a surge of emotion rising in me and I slumped down with the force of it like a rag doll. Jacob held me up as the sobs turned angry. "I hate him! I hate him! I hate him! Why was he so weak? Why couldn't he have loved us enough to stay?"

"I don't know," Jacob, breathed, "I really don't know."

I couldn't see through the tears and the pain kept coming in fresh waves, over and over again. "I hate her too!" I choked. "I hate them both! They were supposed to protect me! Love me always. Why couldn't they love me?"

"They love you, Alex – how could they not?"

"Then why did he leave me?"

Jacob had no answer. "You were so brave just now, " he said, pressing his lips to my temple. "You are stronger than your father, strong enough to fight, to keep living."

"Sometimes," I whispered into his chest, "she looks at me… as if she wishes I wasn't there, blame in her eyes. I should have known, I should have called the ambulance, and I should have saved him. I just put a fucking blanket over him! It's just so stupid!" Angry, bitter tears swept over me again. "And it's done now, I can never go back and change it. Never."

"He was gone before you got there. There was nothing you could have done to help him."

"I know that," I whimpered, "I do… I… I just wish… I wish she would look at me like she used to, like I was her little girl. Not like I'm tainting her perfect new family. The constant reminder of what she wants to forget. Not like everything would be so much better if I just left." I took a shaky breath in. "She hates me so much she sent me all the way across a bloody ocean…"

"…To me…" He squeezed tighter.

"She hasn't spoken to me once since I came. Not one stupid little phone call."

His hands cradled the back of my head against him. "Maybe she doesn't know how to talk to you."

I wrapped my arms around his waist, holding him closer. "I've pushed her away. Punished her and myself. Refused to let anything good happen to me… And it hurts, Jake, it won't heal."

"Let it go, honey. You need to let it all go."

"I can't. I've been holding on to it for so long, what if it's all I am? I don't know how to be without it. I can't."

"Yes you can. You can do anything." He sounded so certain. "And what you can't do, I will."

I believed him. As we stood in the light of the streetlamps, arms wrapped tight about the other I knew that this was more than just a fleeting summer crush. Our darkness had not been enough to cut the bond between us. This was something bigger and it was here whether I was ready for it or not. Diana was right:

"_Love? It finds us. Nothing simpler, it just happens, without provocation or warning, it just is."_

I was terrified at that moment of realisation. When all my previously held beliefs of life, love, the universe came crashing down in flames around me. Now I had to build new ones, rediscover the world with cautious steps, and it wasn't going to be easy. But then nothing ever was.


	12. Heartbeat

**A/n: **Hey, i've read Breaking Dawn and am now trying to forget that i did. This chapter is kind of a filler - in that not alot really happens. The end is in sight, probably one or two more chapters - depending on if you want a sort of epilogue. Yes? No? Thank you to everyone who reviewed.

So i don't own anything you recognise, never have and never will. Read, Review, and Enjoy!

* * *

**Supernova**

Chapter 12: "_Always Up For A Laugh, She's A Pain In The Arse. Every Time That We Meet, I Skip A Heartbeat._" – Scouting For Girls, Heartbeat.

"Jeez, Alex! How much longer are you going to take?"

I sniggered as the voice called up the stairs. "Keep your trousers on, Jake!"

"I'm going to be grey by the time we get there!"

"No you're not, stop whinging!" Grabbing my hairbrush I dragged it through a few times.

"How come I can get ready in like two minutes?" He asked the eternal question.

Rolling my eyes to the ceiling and slipping my bag over one shoulder I strolled out of my room. "Because," I said as I descended the stairs, "I can't get away with walking around topless and looking like a James Dean wanna be."

Jacob smirked up at me. "You know I wouldn't mind if you did. Walk around topless that is."

Sometimes I forgot that he was a normal teenage boy under all that muscle – then he said things like that. "Yeah, neither would Paul, Collin, Brady, Seth…" I reeled off the names of his mates.

His face darkened. "They wouldn't dare."

I laughed at the possessiveness. "Oh, yeah? What you going to do to stop them?" Going into the kitchen I took the money Diana had left on the table for me and zipped it into my purse.

Suddenly Jacob was behind me, his heat everywhere, chest against my back, lips hovering just below my ear. I shivered. "Because," he husked, breath hot, "I'll ordered them not to, and they know I'd gouge their eyes out if they did."

The curious answer cleared my fuzzy head and I pulled away to peer up with an arched brow. "You'll order them not to?"

"Sure," he shrugged, reaching for me again.

"And that's just it? They have to do what you say?"

"Yeah."

"But I thought Sam was the boss-wolf?"

Jacob sighed. Obviously my moment of inquisitiveness had destroyed the mood. "Sam's alpha. It's not boss-wolf Alex the technical term is alpha. But I'm sort of second in command. Only Sam's orders over-rule mine."

"Oh," I mused. "Why is that?"

Now he was uncomfortable. "It's… well, I'm a direct descendant of Ephraim Black, and he was the last pack leader. The pack leaders are sort of the tribe chief too."

"Right. So why is Sam alpha? Is it because he made the change first?"

"What is with all the questions?" he laughed evasively. "Come on, we're going to be late."

I let him take my hand and drag me from the house to his car, but once we were inside I started up again. He should have known better than to think I would give something as interesting as this up. "So?" I questioned as we pulled away from the curb.

"What?" He asked as if he had absolutely no idea what I was getting at. Nice try, wolf boy.

"Sam? Alpha? How come?" I prompted snatching my packet of Haribo sours from the glove pocket where I left it.

Jacob ran a hand across his face and glared at me. "Give me a cola bottle." I handed over the sweet and waited. "I didn't want it," he said when he finished chewing.

"But you were supposed to?"

"Sure."

"Why didn't you want to?"

"Because I didn't."

"But why?" My persistence was grating on him and I saw his jaw tick.

"I just didn't, Alex, ok?" he said getting a little frustrated, hands clenching around the wheel.

No I wasn't ok. I wanted to know why this was such a sore subject to him. But I said the wrong thing. "Why are you so touchy about it?"

He growled. He actually growled at me. "Back off," he gritted out, knuckles turning white.

"Hey!" I held up my hands. "Calm down, I just thought you might need to talk about it."

Breathing deep through his nose he eventually released the poor steering wheel. "I know I…" He broke off. I watched him as he struggled to put his words together. "Look, I didn't even want to be a _wolf_ in the first place, let alone some big chief of the tribe!"

"But you are," I said, softer now.

"What?"

"Maybe, Jake – and I'm not trying to push or pressure you – but maybe I'm not the only one who's been running?"

* * *

Sunset Lanes was the local bowling alley in Forks and it was where Jacob and I had arranged to meet up with some of the pack for an afternoon. It was like your typical American bowling place complete with a dinner attached. It could have been some sort of set for a 1950s movie if the waitresses had roller-skates. I loved it, and I knew if Jenny and Molly were here they would too – Jenny especially.

When we eventually made it to the lane the others had already started so Jake went to get us some milkshakes while we waited the game out. I sat in the seats watching the joking banter bounce around the group and wondered how it was that I felt so at home with people I barely knew. There was something so welcoming about them, like one big chaotic family with aunts, uncles, brothers, sisters, cousins, even fathers and mothers, everyone had their role, everyone fit. They had all grown up together, closer now due to circumstance and secrets, and yet they were still willing to let me into the fold, to embrace me like one of their own.

"You any good?" Embry asked as he took a seat beside me.

I shook my head. "Nah, I'm pretty rubbish. How about you? Looks like you're not doing too bad," I said glancing up at the scoreboard.

He gave a modest shrug. "I'm alright. Don't worry about skill," he advised, "no one is worse than Quil."

Puzzled I peered over at the lane where the boy in question was preparing, eyes on the prize, knees bending in a warm up. I sniggered. "He seems pretty confident."

"Oh sure, now he does," Embry agreed. "Just wait…"

So I waited, watching, wondering what exactly was to come that would throw his game off. Then, just as he strode purposefully forward. Ball tucked into his chest at first before his arm swung back with it ready to release.

"Claire! Leave that loaded gun alone!" I heard Jared call out in alarm.

I spun around to him. Who would bring a gun to a bowling alley? Where was Claire? Was she ok? But all I saw was the little girl slurping noisily on a slushy next to Leah. Embry, chuckling, tapped my shoulder and when I frowned at him he pointed towards the isle. Quil's ball was making its steady route down the gutter. The burly guy was looking like he could quite happily kill Jared. I bit my lip to stop the laughter.

"Quit it already!" he demanded as he made his way back to his seat beside the precious Claire.

"How long have you guys been doing that to him?" I asked.

Embry didn't answer at first, a wicked glint in his eyes. "It's payback."

Payback? I was about to pry into what Quil had done to instigate such revenge but Jake chose that moment to reappear with our drinks. It was Embry's turn so he scooted out the way and up to the lane. Jacob slumped down and silently handed me my milkshake. I eyed him with caution.

"Are you mad at me?" I said.

His face swung around in surprise, big brown eyes. "No! Why would you think that?"

"Because of what I said in the car."

Comprehension dawned and he relaxed. "No, I'm not –" I raised an eyebrow. "Ok, so maybe I am a little. But that's only because you were right."

"I was… what was that word you used?" I teased, nudging his shoulder. "Right? Was it? Was I right?" I expected to feel some self-satisfaction after his admission but I didn't. All I felt was concern that something was bothering him.

"Sure, sure, enjoy it while it lasts."

"I will," I grinned. Then my face dropped. "Come on Jake. Talk to me."

He drew in a deep breath, fingers stirring the straw in the cup around and around in the thick mixture. "You're right, I know you are, and I understand that…"

"But?" I prompted.

"But I'm not ready for it, not yet," he admitted, eyes cast down as if it was some sort of sin.

I leaned over towards him until he looked up in confusion, the expression so adorable that I kissed him soundly on the lips. Pulling back only when Leah taught Claire how to flick slushy at us. "Whenever you're ready," I said, smiling at him, "_If_ you're ready. I'll help." And then I caught those beautiful lips – _quickly_ – one more time in case Paul made good on his threat about throwing a bowling ball at us.

* * *

Emily's wedding was beautiful. How could it have been anything else with the abundance of love filling the air? I spent the whole of the day before hand with the others setting everything up. The backyard of Sam and Emily's home had been decorated. The hedges and trees were strung up with colourful paper lantern lights Leah had found in Port Angeles. Pretty, delicate white flowers were draped over the shrubbery and anything else Claire could reach. Three BBQs were positioned near the house with the tables of snacks, salad, fruit, and cake all lined up and ready for the guests. Deck chairs and random seats from other houses (Quil and Paul managed to drag a sofa in from somewhere) were dotted about the garden and a small fire was being built in the centre for warmth later on.

The ceremony was held in the reservation church with close family and friends present. I sat there next to Embry and Seth as the couple exchanged their vows feeling both honoured that I counted and completely out of place – but Emily had insisted, and I think Leah appreciated me being there if her constant eye rolls in my direction were anything to go by.

They looked gorgeous, all of them. Emily in her floaty white dress, hair curled and loose to her waist. Leah and the bridesmaids in light blue summer dresses, flowers woven into their hair. Sam was in his smart suit looking like the luckiest man on earth. Then there was Jacob. Words couldn't begin to describe what I felt when I saw him – and that's probably a good thing because it would be an embarrassing bunch of drivel, no doubt.

I sat in my new beloved silky purple dress and silver, gemmed sandals wondering not for the first or last time how I had gotten there, how I deserved such beautiful people in my life. Surely someone up there was looking out for me, and I smiled, comforted by the thought.

When we all ambled back to the Uley's home other guests had arrived, I think the entire reservation was piled into that one backyard. Jared got the party music playing from the two large speakers positioned on either side of the garden and the food was getting cooked up pretty quickly on the BBQs. I stood to the side for a moment just breathing it all in, all the life that was buzzing around me. I felt that I had been under water for the past 5 years of my life and only now, here, was I braking the surface. Everything was so vibrant, the people, the place, the time, multicoloured and shimmering in all it's glorious simplicity.

Leah came up to stand next to me, handing a plastic cup over. "You ok?"

I turned and gave her a grin. "Never been better. How about you?"

She took a long sip of her drink. "Wonderful."

I nudged her. "Come on, I know a fob off when I hear one!"

"Alright," she sighed, "so I'm not exactly ecstatic, dancing on sunshine, rainbows and gummy bears happy –"

"Have you ever been?"

She scowled. "But I'm ok. I'm trying to be happy that they are happy – you know? Because I love them both, always have, and I think I always will."

I nodded. "Sure, sure. I get it. You have to let go sometime, right?"

Leah didn't answer but I saw her gaze stretch out to where a few couples, and some of the younger guests were twirling around the unlit campfire. Sam held Emily to his chest, cheek pressed to the top of her dark head, eyes closing, a blissful smile growing brighter. It was so heartbreakingly beautiful. I turned away to watch as the tiniest ghost of a smile crept across Leah's face.

"He's not mine," she said softly, "never really was."

"Someone is though," I insisted, but she didn't look mad, or sad, just kind of peaceful.

"Maybe," she rolled her eyes. "You reckon there is anyone out there who can put up with a bitchy werewolf?"

"If I can do it," I puffed my chest out, teasing.

"Yeah, well, you're a freak, so… we'll see. Maybe I don't want anyone. Maybe I'm just going to live my life for me. Maybe I'll have a harem of lovers."

And I could believe it. "You willing to share?"

She chuckled. "Why is Jake not man enough for you?"

I shrugged, "He's alright I suppose."

That made her laugh. "Yeah, whatever, Alex."

I laughed to. She was right, it was stupid to even try and pretend that Jacob wasn't more than enough man for me, the only man for me, but that concept was still a little terrifying.

"You know something?" she said, smirking at me.

"Nope, I know absolutely nothing."

"I really think I'm gonna miss you, Alex Grant."

"Awww, Leah, I'm touched!" I gushed, hands coming up to clasp at my chest. Ignoring the pang in my heart because she had reminded me that in less than a week I would be on a plane home with no idea when I would see these people again – something I was trying to forget.

Her un-lady-like snort was covered by the music changing to a more upbeat tune.

"Wanna dance?" I asked, putting my cup on the grass.

Leah's dark eyes regarded the makeshift dance floor for a moment before she turned with a grin. "Sure."

* * *

Claire was the picture of angelic innocence perched on Quil's lap with her curled hair and flowers falling loose. Her big brown eyes glanced up at me kitten like. Then she lifted three cards from the spread Quil held out for her, and with a perfect poker face she said in her two-year-old drawl:

"Three aces." _Twee Acees._

My eyes narrowed on that sweetheart face, but nothing gave her away. I had an ace, so it was possible that she had the other three, not likely, but possible. Out the corner of my eye I saw Paul shifting uncomfortably in his seat trying to arrange his great stack of cards into some sort of order. He was a rubbish liar.

I took a chance, not willing to admit that I was still a bit bitter over all the blinking contests I had lost to her. "Cheat!" I called out, fixing her with my best daring stare.

Claire looked around at the table – 'who me?'

Quil chuckled as he reached one long arm out to flip the three top cards over. My heart lifted. Yes! Yes I had beaten her! Ha! Alex 1. Claire 4.

Jacob snorted on my other side as he saw the victory spread across my face. It amused him greatly that I had a rivalry with a 2 year old. Then, as I slumped back smugly in my chair I finally checked the pile in the centre.

Three aces.

No freaking way!

I think my mouth fell open because Jake leaned over and propped it back up again with his index finger as Claire shoved the cards over to me. Leah roared with laughter and was soon joined by the others sat around the table. Grumbling under my breath I collected my losers prize, adding them to my already large spread. I wasn't as bad as Paul, though, so that was a kind of consolation.

We were sat around a fold-out-table playing Cheat because Claire was with us so shouting Bullshit was out of the question. The bonfire had been lit and many of the adults were now gathered around its warm glow with their glasses of wine, or bottles of beer chatting away. Most of the younger guest had been taken home to bed when the sun started to set, and Sam and Emily left for Seattle over an hour ago. All they could afford for their honeymoon was a few days in the city. Though, I didn't think either of them would have cared if they ended up on the back of a pick-up-truck heading to Hoquiam as long as they were together.

Without them the partygoers continued on into the twilight, a relaxed atmosphere settled over everyone. Family is what they all were and I was included in that. I hadn't felt that unconditional love in so long that it was almost like a high.

Jacob leaned over towards me as Seth put down two kings. I shuffled back away from him. "Uh, uh," I waved a finger, "no cheating Mr Black."

He pulled up short with a furrowed brow, and then grinned cheekily at me. "You seem to be losing fine on your own."

I harrumphed and turned my nose up. "I'm leading them into a false sense of security, actually."

"Oh, so that's what you're doing. I was wondering…" He cut off because it was his turn and he laid down a queen.

"Cheat," I said in my most nonchalant voice, staring over at the fire.

Leah's eyes glittered in anticipation. Collin and Seth exchanged amused looks.

"You calling me a cheater, Miss Grant?" Jacob demanded, with fake offence.

"If the shoe fits…" I shrugged.

"I don't wear…" he began but I cut him off.

"Just show me the cards Jacob."

He flipped them reluctantly over and there on the top of the pile was a 5 of hearts. Grinning smugly I raised an eyebrow at him. He shuffled his new cards into his pack and ignored my preening. "False sense of security my ass," he muttered grumpily.

* * *

It was my last day in the library and Jacob was coming to pick me up. While I was waiting for my ride Callum came over, catching a stand of books on his way so that they wobbled and everyone in the vicinity held their breath. Luckily his hand shot out to steady it and you could hear the collective relief fill the room. For a mere second I thought I might actually miss this place. Then Enid coughed behind me and scowled darkly when I gave her a bemused look.

"The front desk is not for sitting on Alexandra. Last day or not."

Waiting just long enough for her cheeks to redden in aggravation I eventually slipped down and moved over to lean against the wall. She was going to miss me when I was gone – I could tell.

"Hey!" Callum said when he finally made it over to me. "So today's your last day in this tranquil sanctuary of books, and I've brought you a present."

My eyes lit up. Present? "Really? What is it?"

He shuffled his feet the way he did when he was feeling awkward or embarrassed.

"Come on!" I encouraged. "You can't just tease me with a present and take it away."

"Ok," he sighed. "But it's nothing special I just thought… well, I just thought you might like it, that's all."

I waited. "Seriously Callum, the suspense is going to kill me. I won't unwrap it here if you like?"

That calmed him down somewhat and he reached around to slip his backpack off. Unzipping it swiftly he pulled a long, book-sized rectangle from it covered with pretty blue paper. "Here," he said holding it out. "When you get home."

I nodded soberly, tucking it safely in my bag. "I won't even peek until I'm out of sight." We stood silently for a moment, and then I flung my arms around his neck. "Thank you Callum."

"Hey," he shrugged when I let him go, "you made my summer a whole lot less boring."

"That is true. I do deserve a present!"

"You do," he agreed.

It was strange the way that from the very first moment we met on the beach I could sense Jacob's presence when he was near to me. Spinning around I grinned at him. "I got a prezzie!"

Jake didn't look all that happy but he nodded as he walked over, eyes flickering to Callum and back to me. "So I see."

O… kay. "Uh. Right. This is Callum," I gestured to the green-eyed boy to my left. "Callum, this is Jacob."

"Hey," Callum greeted stretching out his hand.

Jacob took it, and judging by the wince on Callum's face he squeezed it. "Hey."

The tension was thick as custard. It was thicker than that, thick as cement maybe, or soil, or something really really thick. "So…" I fumbled for a subject to ease the mounting unease. "Right, thanks again for the gift Callum. It was really kind of fun working with you. Don't let the bastards beat you down!"

"I won't. Good luck with everything," he smiled. Jacob's jaw twitched.

"Bye!" I said as I strolled out the door with the hope that the big burly wolf would follow. Out in the fresh air I rounded on Jake. "What the hell was all that about?" I was not a possession and was not going to be treated as one.

"I was going to ask you the same question!"

I came up short. "What?"

His fists were clenched and he looked pretty well on his way to furious. "I come to pick you up from work only to find you cuddling up to some guy who gives you presents! What am I supposed to think?"

"You are totally right," I snapped at him. "Callum and me have been having sordid affair this whole time. I mean that's the sort of sluttish thing I would do right?"

He was instantly repentant. "No, I did mean…"

I glared back at him and cut through his excuse. "You want to know what you are supposed to think, Jacob? I don't know. Maybe you're supposed to think that its nice Alex has friends. Maybe you're supposed to trust me enough for it to not be an issue."

"Alex, I'm sorry I shouldn't have…" he reached out towards me desperate for my touch, reassurance, his anger now a distant memory.

Mine was still fresh and flaming. "No, you shouldn't have," I agreed trying to rein in my temper. "But you did. Jake, I thought you understood that you mean more to me than anyone ever has, and probably ever will. And while that concept might scare the shit out of me most mornings I'm dealing with it, because I care about you and I want this – with you. If I wanted Callum I would go get Callum. I don't." His eyes were burning into me, smouldering with remorse. "Look. The thing is that I'm never going to be the kind of girl who when her boyfriend calls she drops everything and goes running. I'm independent and I intend to stay that way. Your opinion means so so much to me, but I will never stop being friends with someone I like just because you can't handle it. Got it?"

He nodded. "Got it."

I let out a breath. "Ok." My eyes narrowed on him. "You're a complete jerk."

"I deserve that."

"Yes you do." I pulled myself together again. "So it's my last day tomorrow and I don't want to argue anymore."

"Me either," he whispered with such sincerity that I couldn't help but forgive him a tiny bit – not that I was going to let him know that just yet.

"Alright then!" I clapped my hands together briskly trying to chase the dark clouds away from our afternoon. "If we're both in agreement? Lets get going!"

But he didn't move and I stared at him wondering what the problem was now. In one stride he made it to stand in front of me. A hand cupped my chin to tilt my face up to his. Our lips met, eyes shut, and hearts raced. The kiss was soft, tender, apologetic and I melted into it, into him, even as we stood on the sidewalk and curious or just plain embarrassed shoppers dodged around us. When he pulled back he wrapped me into his big arms, mouth resting by my ear. "I'm so sorry, Alex."

"That's ok." I muttered finding it increasingly hard to be even mildly mad at him anymore. "But do it again and you wont be fathering children."

I could sense the wolfish grin that crept up over his face then. So, I wasn't completely surprised when in one smooth movement he hoisted me onto his shoulder and set off down the street. I spent all of two seconds thumping my fist ineffectually against his back before I gave up.

"Enjoying the view?" I grumbled, cheeks hot from the stares we were getting.

"Yep," the smug git replied and jostled me so that I grabbed at his shirt to maintain my balance – not that I thought he would let me fall.

"Oh my god you are such a jerk today!"

He laughed.

* * *

The hallway of Diana's home wasn't particularly long. In fact, it took exactly seven medium sized strides to get from the kitchen to the front door. Or, in Jacob's freakish case, four steps. Yet, as I stood hesitating in the doorway of the kitchen the front door seemed miles away.

In the garden I could here my aunt chatting over the fence to her neighbour. Their voices were a hazy background noise to the thud of my heart and the nervous prickling of my palms. I was beginning to sweat. Maybe I had been wrong; maybe I did need Jacob here right now. Moral support wasn't something to be ashamed of. Needing to borrow someone else's strength for a while, that wasn't weak or wrong, right?

When the boisterous laugh of Mr Dunstall next-door bounced around the kitchen tiles I took a sudden step forward. What was the damned man laughing about so loudly? Diana wasn't funny… at all… ever.

Now I was actually in the hallway I managed to get my legs to move in an oddly disjointed walk down towards the table where the phone sat. No, I didn't have Telephonophobia. It was the person that would be on the end of the receiver that I feared. Feared was a strong word – dreaded would be more appropriate.

I dreaded the call I was about to make, but I knew it had to be done so I took a deep breath and reached out to lift the handset. The number was dialled before I had more time to back out like the cowardly lion I was.

It seemed to ring forever, the sound echoing across the ocean. I imagined that familiar silver phone, in that familiar beige hallway, in that familiar house built of flint, and the familiar voices yelling for someone to answer it.

Eventually, by the time I had decided that no one was going to pick it up, someone did, and I jumped at the click.

"Hello?" said the voice sweetly and my heart jolted.

"Livi?" I asked, though I knew it was my little sister. "Does mum know you're picking up the phone now?"

"Alex?" She was puzzled. "You've got a funny voice."

I must have picked up a bit of an American twang without realising it. "Yeah, it's me. How are you?"

"Mmmm-good." She replied, overwhelming me with information. "Baked chocolate biscuits today."

"That's great!" I enthused – probably a little too strongly, but it was suddenly so unbelievably good to hear her. "I got your get-well card. Did you and Tilly do it yourselves?"

There was a big breath. "Yes – well, no, not really. Mummy did it but we chose the pictures and typed our names. Even Georgie did too!"

"He's going to be a real geek someday. Thank you so much, Liv. I loved it. Hey, um, is mum there now?"

"Uh huh."

"Can I speak with her please?"

She turned from the receiver and I heard her yell 'Mummy!' through the house. When she came back she said: "Mummy's in the garden so she's washing her hands. You going to call again?"

"Probably not because I'll be home soon."

"Kay," pause, "Miss you."

"Me too." I felt my heart squeeze tight in my chest. "Hey, I got you presents!"

"Really?"

"Yep."

"Yay! Hey, Mum, Alex got me a present!"

I tensed as I heard my mother's voice rumble back an answer and then Livi was saying goodbye as the handset switched hands noisily. "Alex?"

One deep breath in. "Hey Mum."

She sounded confused and a little concerned. "Is something the matter?"

"No!" I hurried to assure her. "No, not exactly. Well, yeah, there is… I'm coming home in a few days and… I think we need to talk."

"Talk?"

"Yes," I continued, desperately shutting off the part of my brain that wanted to cut and run. That wasn't me anymore. "About everything." Breathe. "Dad, me, you, and what happened."

"Alex…" she sounded wary, she didn't think it was a good idea. Like I was suggesting that George go play in a shark tank this could only end badly. Finally she let out a breath of air that crackled down the wires. "Ok… ok, we'll talk when you get back."

"Really talk," I clarified, "not just ghost around what we want to say. Get it all out in the open so we can deal with it and not hide from it any-longer."

"Alex? What's going on? Is everything ok? Are _you_ ok?"

I shouldn't have found it funny but I kind of did. "Never been better, Mum."


	13. Making history

**A/N: **Arrrrggggggggghhhh! My computer got a really bad virus last week so i had to take it to the computer place in town, but they had to wipe my entire system so i lost all my work - which is why this took so long to get out! Grrrrrrrrrr. Anyway! Sorry i haven't replied personally to all those wonderful reviews you gave me but i was focusing on getting this written (which i thought you'd appreciate more). So BIG BIG BIG Thank you to everyone! This is potentially the final chapter, and the smallest, which wasn't intentional i just go where the story takes me. I have an idea for an epilogue if people want one, but i won't be insulted if you're happy with this ending - so let me know.

I don't own anything you recognised. Alex, Her family, The library staff, Callum and Diana are all mine.

If i don't post on this story again thank you to everyone who read, reviewed, and enjoyed. I loved writing it so much, and i'm feeling kind of sad to see it end. I love you all!

* * *

**Supernova**

Chapter 13: "_Hey There Delilah, You Be Good And Don't You Miss Me. Two More Years And You'll Be Done With School, And I'll Be Making History Like I Do._" – Plain White T's, Hey There Delilah.

"Stegosaurus… wait! … Diplodocus! I think. I was never very good at my dinosaurs."

Jacob leaned in closer. "Which one?"

I pointed up at the fluffy cotton wool floating lazily across the sky. "That one next to the rabbit."

"Oh, right." He frowned. "Who knows? I'm not a paleontologist. It looks like a pineapple to me."

I snorted. "What kind of pineapples do you eat? It's a Diplodocus or a Stegosaurus."

Turning his head to the side to grin at me he said, "You just like saying those names."

"You're right, I do. They're fun. Dip-lo-do-cus. Steg-o-saur-us. Fun. You try."

Much to my own surprise he did and I watched him amused at the way he pouted when he pronounced Diplodocus. "What?" he asked suspiciously when he finished.

"Nothing," I smiled innocently. "Say: Diplodocus, again."

Those brown eyes narrowed. "Why?"

I sidled closer to him on the old blanket we were sharing, my body pressing along his side. "Pretty please?"

"Diplodocus," he reluctantly repeated and I laughed. "Seriously, what?" Leaning over him I pressed my forehead into his chest to smother my giggles. "Alex…" he warned. "Tell me." I don't know why I found it so hilarious but I did.

Obviously Jacob was tired of waiting for me to pull myself together. He wrapped his arms around me and stood up with such ease that all my laughter halted. How the heck did he do that? I didn't have much time to wonder at his inhuman strength as he proceeded to wade with me into the cool water that lapped the pebble beach we had been laid out on. I clung tighter. I did not want to know just how freezing that water was. "No! Jake! No! Put me down! I'll tell you! I promise I will!"

"Oh, yeah?" He challenged loosening his grip so that I dipped closer to the ocean's surface.

"Yeah!" I was practically climbing up him.

"Maybe I don't want to know anymore."

My gaze narrowed at him. "If Diana collects me for the airport soaked she's going to kill you and mount your head on her wall."

As that sunk in he paled. In two seconds we were back on shore but he didn't put me down, instead holding me tighter to him as he padded swiftly back up the pebbles to the blanket. There was a sudden momentum to his movements like a sprinter reaching the end of his race. I found myself being laid out on my back as Jacob quickly covered my body with his.

"Don't go," he whispered against my lips before kissing me urgently.

There was no way he could comprehend just how much I wished I could have stayed there on that beach with him. I would have given almost anything, and it would have been so easy to pull my phone from my bag and call Diana. She would be happy-ish to let me stay – indefinitely.

She would have made a great mother; but the world had other plans, and she was not my mother.

Deep down I knew that life was never easy or comfortable or what you expect it to be. It was painful most of the time; hurt so bad you couldn't remember why you got up every morning. The hardest decision was often (nearly always) the right one.

So you live for the moments like laying on a deserted beach with the most amazing person you have ever met and kissing him leisurely, as if you had all the time in the world. Just enjoying the feel of him, his spirit so close to yours.

Forks had turned me into a sap, but I was ok with that if it meant that I was allowed to experience love like this.

"Jake," I mumbled around his lips, "if I stay I would be running away."

He pulled back, eyes searching mine. "No."

"Yes I would." I insisted even though I knew that he understood – didn't like it – but understood. "You know it's not going to be forever. I'm coming back, promise. Then you'll be begging me to leave."

A smile almost teased up the corners of his mouth. "Yeah, I probably will be." Then the laughter faded. "I'm going to come get you if you don't," he swore, and I believed him.

"You'd better," I nodded in agreement with his plan. "But you wont have to."

"Yeah?" he needed reassurance, and I wondered how he could possibly doubt it. Except that right now it felt as if this was it. The End.

"I want you to be proud of me," I told him, and when he looked like he was going to protest I covered his mouth with my hand. "More than that I want to be proud of myself. Be the kind of person – not perfect, nothing silly like that – just better, you know?"

"You're the best person I know. My favourite person ever."

"I am aren't I," I teased leaning up to kiss him again each one bring us closer to the last.

A throat cleared pointedly. We both pulled away to peer up at the young woman stood with her arms folded across her chest and foot tapping the sand impatiently. Leah. I had asked her to come get me when Diana arrived, so it had to be time to go.

Jacob didn't budge when I tried to roll out from under him. "Jake," I complained, pushing weakly at his chest.

"Do you want me to get rid of him?" Leah asked with an excited glint in her eyes.

Jacob growled back at her. "Give it your best shot."

"Uh, guys?" I waved a hand to get their attention. Having forgotten for a moment that I was there at all they both were wearing surprised expressions as they regarded me once again. "Can I get up please?" Still looking like he'd rather be pealing the skin from his face Jacob stood up and pulled me up with him. "Ok," I began briskly, and then fell silent; no way was I going to let myself start sobbing. Taking in the view one final time (though I had Callum's photo album packed safely in my suitcase) I slipped my hand into Jacob's and tugged him up the beach towards the car idling by the curb.

The two Quileute werewolves were silent beside me.

My aunt switched the car off and stepped out to greet us. "Are you ready?"

Jacob's hand tightened around mine. "It's not forever," I told him as sternly as I could because if we believed it enough it would become true. "I'll be back!"

My Arnold Schwarzenegger impression was pretty poor but Leah snorted and Jake almost smiled.

"Damn straight you will," Leah pronounced and wrapped her arms around me. It was a little awkward because Jacob wouldn't let me go. "Going to miss you Alex. Here…" she placed a packet of cigarettes in my hand with a wink. "Don't say I never pay you back."

"As if I would," I grinned, shoving them quickly into my shoulder bag before Diana caught sight of them. "Jake?" I said, hesitant as I turned to face him.

His expression was stony in the way that it was when he was struggling to keep his emotions under control. "Look after yourself. I would like you with all your limbs when you come back."

I appreciated that he was trying and I prayed the others would stop him from doing something melodramatically stupid while I was gone. Leah was under strict orders. "Oh? You mean you won't love me anymore if I'm arm-less?"

Jake rolled his eyes. "I'd still love you if you were a floating head."

"Like in that episode of Futurama?"

"Yup. In a glass container filled with embalming liquid."

"Awww. I think that may be the sweetest most disturbing thing anyone has ever said to me."

"I try," he nodded, satisfied.

"Come here…" I flung myself at him, wrapping my arms around his neck and crushing my mouth to his. He swung me off the ground like a rag doll and I closed my legs about his waist for better leverage. The kiss probably would have continued to whatever end had Diana and Leah not both coughed loudly and pointedly when Jake's hands slid down to cup my arse and hold me firmer. Now a little red in the face Jacob set me back down on the pavement, arms keeping me tucked into his chest.

"I love you," I whispered into his shoulder.

I had never said it before. Never even considered it. Didn't plan on doing it right then but it just snuck up and out the way the truth does sometimes. No warning, and strangely no fear.

"Come back," he breathed with a final kiss.

"Promise," I said when we parted, and I finally turned from them and walked over to Diana on unsteady feet.

"Lets go, Alex." She opened the passenger door and I climbed in.

* * *

When I finally woke up it took a few seconds to remember where I was and why Diana wasn't setting a mug of tea on my bedside table. Everything felt distant like a dream. Faces, places, hazy in my sleepy memory. Sunlight was glowing through the blinds – the blinds I had demanded that David put up for me when we moved to this house.

I was home. As I sat up, sheets pooling in my lap, I had the strangest feeling like I didn't fit. I had grown, changed, but everything was still the same, exactly as I had left it, but smaller: the old t-shirts thrown over my desk chair, the socks littering the floor, the spilt makeup, posters on the walls. For one panicked moment I thought that life was going to fall back into the same old patterns, that I had imagined the entire thing. Was this how heroines in stories felt when they returned to their old lives?

Then a face swam up to the surface, clear and bright as pure sunlight reminding me that I could do anything I wanted, that he would be there if it ever got too much. I had changed, I could feel it deep inside, a newer version of myself, and this room still belonged to the old.

Tilly was the one who pushed my door open. Her tousled head peered in with curious eyes. Music was playing from my stereo. I had lifted the blinds to let the late august sun stream through the leaves of the apple tree outside, patterns dancing across the carpet. The posters were gone; in their place were the pictures Callum had given me. First beach, the forest, Forks, the library, Enid, Carol, and Diana all posed awkwardly by the front desk, a pretty butterfly captured in a series, rain, sun, his grinning face. The one I was most surprised to find was one of Jacob and I outside the library when he had picked me up from work one day. He was placing that awful helmet on my head, I was pouting, but there was this look in our eyes that I could never describe. Trust? Friendship? Love? It was probably all three.

The t-shirts and socks were now safely in the washing bin. The makeup was all tucked into a draw, lids screwed on. I was rearranging and tidying the entire room and Tilly looked mildly frightened.

"Alex?" she said coming fully in but with her hand still on the door as if she was prepared to run at any moment.

"Yeah?" I replied as I stuck my head in the wardrobe and began clearing it out, tossing aside the stuff that didn't fit me any longer.

Pause. "Uh… nothing. Mummy wants to know if you're hungry."

My stomach growled noisily and I nodded at her with a grin. "Apparently I am. I'll be down in a bit."

With one more puzzled glance around at the startling flurry of activity she scooted out and I heard her make her way down the stairs. I laughed. It was actually kind of nice to be home. Not that I wasn't constantly aware of a tugging in my chest. A part of me had been left behind, waiting patiently to be collected. I chose to use that feeling as a reminder of all that I now was and all that I was determined to become.

Opening my shoulder bag that I'd taken on the flight - and dumped at the end of my bed last night - I pulled out my phone, purse, and a small package I hadn't (somehow) noticed before. The bag was leather, soft as velvet and had a drawstring threaded around the top. I slid it open and tipped the contents into my palm. A grin spread slowly across my face and I laughed. It was a simple silver necklace. Hung in equal pauses around it were ten miniature wolves carved from wood. At the front sat a large, shaggy, russet wolf. Next to him was a smaller, slender, grey wolf. Leah and Jacob. It was a bit too chunky to wear all the time so I hung it from the nail above my bed where I had once had a poster of Ghost World framed.

I loved it. I loved them.

The smooth stone Jacob had given me that day by the river was put on my bedside table and as I regarded the changes I had made I felt that sting at the base of my nose. Instead of chasing it away I let the tears stream down, clearing some room.

Just because it was the right decision didn't mean it wasn't the hardest to live with.

* * *

"Ali! Ali!" George called from the living room as I passed by to get to the kitchen.

Taking a detour I walked over to where he was watching cartoons with his arms outstretched towards me, chubby fingers grabbing at the air. "Hey there Georgie porgy!" I scooped him up into my arms. "Whoa! Someone's grown over the summer."

"Big boy now," George proclaimed and jabbed a finger into his chest.

"You sure are," I laughed and carried him through to the kitchen where Mum and the twins were flitting about. "What have you been feeding him?" I asked as I struggled to put him into his highchair.

"He's just a growing boy," Mum defended herself as she set the salad bowl in Livi's waiting arms. "Aren't you my baby boy?" she cooed at him, brushing a hand over his downy hair.

"Georgie's a fatty!" Livi laughed.

"Olivia!" Mum reprimanded.

I snorted and Tilly looked like she was horrified that her sister had said it out loud but completely agreed with her. George, on the other hand grinned big and toothy. "Fatty! Fatty! Fatty!" He sang happily.

"Oh no sweetheart!" My Mum shook her head trying not to laugh. "No you're not a fatty."

"Is," Livi teased handing a bowl of strawberries to her brother.

Mum frowned at her. "You're going to give him a complex and me a headache."

That confused the little know-it-all. "A what?"

The weary sigh that blew out from my Mother then had me looking at her through new eyes. She was tired, more so than I had ever allowed myself to admit, and I knew that I had been part of the cause for the shadows under her eyes. As Livi went behind me to grab the salt and pepper I looped an arm around her skinny waist to tug her onto my lap. "Leave Georgie alone."

"You started it!" the brain-box complained.

"You want to see your prezzie?" It was the perfect distraction.

"Give me, give me!" Her eyes lit up.

"Hmmm," I mused, "only if you're quiet for the whole of lunch."

Livi agreed instantly and when I set her down she climbed into her seat and sat straight waiting for her sandwich. Tilly sniggered but followed suit. When all the food was set out and I had taken a large bite from my tuna sandwich I glanced up and caught my Mother's eyes. She smiled softly in a way I hadn't had directed at me for so long that I felt my eyes welling up. "You're different, Alex," she said, not in accusation more like awe.

I nodded, holding her (my) eyes steady. "Yeah, I have."

Her face smoothed with warmth. "It's a good change. You seem happier…"

"Peaceful?" I suggested.

She snorted. "I wouldn't go that far."

"I am though," I told her. "I know now who I want to be."

Tilly was watching me with her owl-like eyes, all-seeing wisdom. "Who's that then?"

I leaned towards her like I was about to share a deep dark secret. "Me."

This was Livi's cue to throw in her two cents – not that she usually needed a cue. "Why would you want to just be you?"

How could she understand? Instead I said: "Why wouldn't I?"

Her forehead creased up in complete bafflement. Of course Livi wanted to be a pop star, or an actress, or a model, or a TV presenter depending on the day of the week. She wanted to be famous because that's what it means to be happy and successful in the world of a 4 year-old.

Someday she would realise that all that stuff really meant nothing. That loving yourself is how you learn to live life to the full, and that it is one of the hardest things to do. I was giving it my best shot.

* * *

_May 17__th__, 2013_

* * *

The graveyard was sat in the centre of town. It surrounded the medieval stone church on all sides. A wash of grey and green, scattered flowers were the only bright spots in the stillness. He was under a tree on the edge near the crumbling brick wall. I hadn't been here in so long. I hadn't been in England in so long that it felt like I was walking through a memory as I mapped the familiar streets. In one hand I carried a bunch of yellow tulips we brought in town. I knelt at his feet, raising the flowers to my face so that I could breath in their scent, their vivid life.

"It's a bit cloudy today," I said, "but they say it will get brighter. We're going to France tomorrow. To that house you and Mum brought when I was little. Remember? David and Mum found it as a holiday rent on the Internet. I was wondering if the sunflowers you planted are still growing. Perhaps I will have to come back and tell you." I shifted to the side, moving so that I was sitting cross-legged on the ground. "Got my degree in French last year, did Mum tell you? From the University of Washington, cool huh? Thinking I might train to teach, or something. I'm not really sure yet, I've got time though."

Tracing a finger up the satiny petals I continued. "I really wish you could have been there – at the wedding to give me away. David did a good job though, but you would have been better. It was beautiful, right on the beach with a bonfire and dancing into the small hours. Mum, David and the kids are still there – making a holiday of it. Diana was my maid of honour and Leah and the twins my bridesmaids. I chose really nice dresses for them. I was thinking of something poofy and pink but that would have ruined the photos so I didn't in the end. Besides, Leah would have killed me if I did." I smiled at the memories. "Jacob looked gorgeous, beautiful. He's here," I motioned behind me where I knew my 6ft husband was waiting. "You would like him I reckon – good sense of humour. Puts up with my whinging. I love him, but don't tell him that it'll just go to his head." I paused, taking a deep breath in. "Never thought I'd be here, you know, all grown up, married, on my honeymoon. It's a little scary – the good kind of scary. I think you need to do things that frighten you sometimes. Its good for you."

"We brought you these." I laid the blooms on the grass. "Liven the place up a bit. You know I've decided that someday we're going to meet again. It'll be a long time from now I hope, but we will." Reaching out a hand I felt along the grooves of his name carved in stone and gold plated. "Please don't be hurt if it's a while before I come back because I've got a lot of living yet to do."

I stood up, stretched, and cast a lingering gaze over my father's gravestone.

_Peter Grant. Loving Husband And Father. Forever Remembered And Greatly Missed. 1952 – 2001._

Warmth spread through me as two arms slipped snugly around my waist, pulling me back into his strong chest. I breathed him in, that distinctive scent that I could no longer imagine living without. His chin rested lightly on my shoulder, cheek pressed against mine. "Whenever you're ready, Mrs Black. We do have a plane to catch though."

I rolled my eyes. "You hear that?" I asked my father. "Bossing me about already. We've barely been married a week!"

"Not bossing," Jacob corrected with a kiss behind my ear, "guiding firmly."

"Oh that's what you call it?" I cried in mock outrage. "Where I come from it's being a bossy-boots." He didn't answer that. I could feel his smile pressed into my skin. "He does have a point though," I conceded, "There _is_ a flight to be caught. See you later, Dad."

"Ready?" Jacob asked pulling back and reaching out his arm for me.

I slipped my hand in his and the bands on our fingers caught a brief glint of sunlight through the clouds. "I'm ready."

And i was.


End file.
